Ain't life funny... how things turn out?

I'm 26 now, and when I was 18-20 I went out with guy -who I shall call FRED for the sake of the thread- who I lived with. He was the same age as me, and had a colourful past, drugs etc, he even burgled his parent's house, which I found out later on. I met him through living in a hostel for a while when I was younger, as my mum had booted me out!

I was really naive but stupidly thought we would be together for a long time, but I came to my senses after he had cheated on me several times and tried it on with members of my family, and wouldn't work. In the time we were together, the longest job he held down was around 6 months, all the others he messed up. We split up several times, and each time he would slash his wrists and say he couldn't live without me. We had been engaged and he was always pushing me to get married. Although my parent's were not keen, they tolerated him for my sake and even offered to help if we did get married. I was supporting us both on between £80-150 a week. He always wanted something for nothing, and when we split I ended up with debts totalling around £3k. When we split up I was a trainee supervisor at my place of work.

Around 4 years ago, before I met my current partner, I met up with him as he managed to contact me thriough my place of work, and I wanted to see how his life had changed. He was telling me he had split up with his girlfriend and she had 2 kids, one was biologically his, the other he had "brought up" up as she was pregnant when they got together. Anyway, he dressed more or less the same, had the same attitude to life, had no money and no career path, had quit his job as he had to move when his ex kicked him out.

He gave me stories about how his ex was a prostitute. (This was confirmed at the time by a young girl who I worked with who happened to see me with him and said she lived by them and his missus was always getting into different cars 5-6 times a day,and the rumour was she was on the game.)

Anyway, when he went to visit his kids, his ex got my number off his fone, and started to text me asking if I was his new girlfriend as he was begging her to take him back. I explained who I was and her having heard lots about me, we got into this conversation. He had quite predictable slagged me off to her, and most aspects of my life. It came out that he had told her that he didn't want to be with me, and my parent's were pressurising him to marry me. All he ever did was tell lies to try and manipulate people.

When I told her about him telling me she was on the game she went mad and told me it was he who had been " working" and had completed a few jobs visiting men. She also told me the reason she had split with him was because he had tried it on with one of her sisters, slept with her mum and slept with her other sister AND his boyfriend.

This was the kind of person he was, and I completely believed he would do it, as he had made passes at my cousin and her best friend, he used to freak out my sister by acting a bit sexual and my mum later on told me she didn't like him to be around my sister, and I later found out he had slept with my step-aunty.

I was now promoted to a senior manager at my place of work. Fred gave me stories about how I was his first proper love and he always thought about me and he wanted me back. I told him to get screwed,and I wasn't the weak 19 year old I was back then. He really thought he was going to be successfull, and even called me at 5am one morning saying he was on Tinsley Viaduct and was going to throw himself off, as he couldn't see his kids, and I had put the cherry on the top. I asked him if he wanted me to come down and give him a push? He tried contacting me around a year and a half later through work, as I had changed my nummber, and I just laughed at him on the phone, so he rang off and that was the last I heard

I had nothing more to do with him, but my friend (who is the only person I have conatct with from my hostel days) visited the other day and told me she had seen Fred in Batemoor the other day, and he was talking to her. He asked if I was still manager at the old place and she told him that I was manager somewhere else and though he asked her where, she didn't tell him (which I am grateful for).She told him I was doing well for myself and got paid loads and was happy (obv rubbing it in-- lol), with my current partner who I ahve been with for 3 years, who has a good job etc. Fred told her he didn't have a job as was trying to fight for custody of his kids and didn't see point, as he would have to give up work.

I was so amused, and it got me thinking, what is it with some people? Why do they think the world owes them a living and why do they manipulate people with lies? He is what would probably be described as a chav. I don't understand it and it's an alien concept to me how a 26 year old man can try and screw his way thorugh the population of south yorkshire, and thinks that mugs like me should pay for his dole money!

Does anyone else have a similar story?? Does this get your goat?

I am so glad I made some of the decisions I made, and had I stayed with him god knows where I would be now!

You were smart getting rid of him.

I almost pity him cos' what a waste of his life. Doesn't seem to achieve much. The fact is people who think society owes them and that they should have monies from the tax payers and that the tax payers are the muppets for working - can not see that they limit themselves so much in so many ways in life. And not financial but in being able to grow and develop as a person and have different experiences some good some bad.

You were smart getting rid of him.

 

I almost pity him cos' what a waste of his life. Doesn't seem to achieve much. The fact is people who think society owes them and that they should have monies from the tax payers and that the tax payers are the muppets for working - can not see that they limit themselves so much in so many ways in life. And not financial but in being able to grow and develop as a person and have different experiences some good some bad.

I completely agree. So often I see people from those days, and try to avoid them. When I do on the odd occassion enter into a conversation, they can make excuses about hom they haev been nemployed for ages and can't get into work. I managed it after being unemployed. I have also been asked if I think I am better than them, and told that I'm a snob. Thing is, is in years to some when I'm comfortable, they won't be

Sorry.......... but what a sad w***er!

I completely agree. So often I see people from those days, and try to avoid them. When I do on the odd occassion enter into a conversation, they can make excuses about hom they haev been nemployed for ages and can't get into work. I managed it after being unemployed. I have also been asked if I think I am better than them, and told that I'm a snob. Thing is, is in years to some when I'm comfortable, they won't be

Snob seems to be a term used by the jealous. I know someone a bit like your ex except he is a lot older but has always been the same never held a job for more than a couple of months and has spent the majority of his life on the dole. He also lies about everything so he can claim more money, he fought for custody of his child and when he won he showed off to everyone that he only did it so he could stay out of work and have more money. The sad thing is that although people like this never seem to amount to anything the goverment seems to keep throwing money and freebies in their general direction, whilst the general claimants and hard workers are left to rot. I have two children and am saving up so the eldest (nearly two) can go to Nursery we cannot afford to pay £32 a day on just my wage with a mortgage and council tax to pay etc. But his daughter can go to same nursery free of charge, now I understand making sure his child doesnt suffer as its not her fault but if its free for one then it should be free for all. Same for healthy eating I struggle and save to be able to afford healthy food for my family but now they are proposing subsidising healthy food for poorer familys which I dont disagree with but I feel that if you fall in the middle ground your left to struggle on.

Sorry for the rant I just feel sometimes that as soon as you take the honest route your at a disadvantage to the social underclass and a goverment that seems to cowtail to there every need.

Snob seems to be a term used by the jealous. I know someone a bit like your ex except he is a lot older but has always been the same never held a job for more than a couple of months and has spent the majority of his life on the dole. He also lies about everything so he can claim more money, he fought for custody of his child and when he won he showed off to everyone that he only did it so he could stay out of work and have more money. The sad thing is that although people like this never seem to amount to anything the goverment seems to keep throwing money and freebies in their general direction, whilst the general claimants and hard workers are left to rot. I have two children and am saving up so the eldest (nearly two) can go to Nursery we cannot afford to pay £32 a day on just my wage with a mortgage and council tax to pay etc. But his daughter can go to same nursery free of charge, now I understand making sure his child doesnt suffer as its not her fault but if its free for one then it should be free for all. Same for healthy eating I struggle and save to be able to afford healthy food for my family but now they are proposing subsidising healthy food for poorer familys which I dont disagree with but I feel that if you fall in the middle ground your left to struggle on.

 

Sorry for the rant I just feel sometimes that as soon as you take the honest route your at a disadvantage to the social underclass and a goverment that seems to cowtail to there every need.

Don't worry about the rant mate! My original post was a rant, well a load of babble. But I've been wondering incredoulously how somoene such as my ex with everything he did can have the cheek to tell my best friend to tell me hello! I know that he is gutted that I got rid of him as his mind works that way

1.Sex

2.Easy money.

I can't stand it when people use the excuse they have been unemployed for so long that they can't get a job! In my experience, you take any job you can and work your way up. I was unemployed for 8 months, before I got back into work through no deal. Whatever happened to New Deal? I remember being told that when you had been unemployed for 6 months, you had to attend it? Why do some people such as Fred escape the net?