coyleys Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hi ya all. This one I started last month (Demotivators) and not had time to finish it, so now I have a quest for you lot, have a go at finishing it, even if it’s just one or two verses. Let's try to keep it AAAB. I have put it on the open forum so we can all have a go, why not get the kids involved, we may be pleasantly surprised . The window of life. 1 As we gaze into the autumn sky We sit and ponder of days gone by, The loves we lost, the tears we cried Nostalgic reflections 2 A mother’s love, the sweet embrace Precious moments from the angel of grace Now empty room and empty space Ambiguity of faith 3 We start to grow, we start to question. Why does God take without exception? Must our faith take a new direction? Questioning fidelity 4 A frown appears, we think of school And always made to look the fool Despising things we had to do The adversity of life 5 The school yard bully, we stand alone And show that fear is yet unknown With bloody nose, we give a groan A lesson in limitations 6 The first romance, a stolen kiss A childhood crush, a secret wish A broken heart from broken bliss The trials of love 7 Childhood's desire for maturity heeded "No short cut, child. Patience needed!" Mum's spoken words never succeeded How right she was. 8 Elusive thoughts that fill our mind Meanings of which we are yet to find Adolescents can be so unkind Elucidation of life 9 Words of wisdom from all directions Hard to find the right connections Too much advice too many questions Eclecticism of knowledge 10 Job interviews, curt rejection Seeking ever new direction Accept the dole in resignation The futility of dreams 11 Writing here, writing there C.V's posted everywhere Unemployment really is unfair A lesson in diligence. 12 But what is this I see up high? A shooting star across the sky At last a sign of hope for me Oh sweetest Jubilation 13 Then fall I must from giddy heights It's hard to see on murky nights My ray of hope was landing lights Oh bitter Desperation 14 So does this mean I am that moose Finding peace at the end of a noose Nah - don't let the buggers grind you down Life is for living 15 A letter comes, addressed to me From a Manager I've been to see "The job is yours! So, tomorrow at Three?" A lesson in tenacity. 16 Sitting here as years fly by, Monday to friday, nine to five. Bills to pay and axe to grind. A lesson in reality. 17 Pension day, it comes to fast. Silver threads in the looking glass. Creature comforts that’s all we ask. Humble at heart. 18 A comfy chair to rest my bones, Clean bill of health and a loving home. Our children now have kids of their own. The joyous circle of life. 19 But circles coil and life grows weary As each new vision sends eyes teary Tomorrows trend is always dreary Time to say goodnight. 20 We start to ache, we start to pain Dreaded thoughts run through our brain We see the doctor once again A quest for equanimity. 21 "You'll live for now!" the doctor said Standing at the end of the bed. "No worries then?" I replied Hope is truly eternal? 22 The ravage of old age comes too soon Long since shed the maternal cocoon To the reapers call we are not immune Excepting the inevitable. 23 I scorn the Reaper, Scythe and all My vision set within Ashkelon's Wall A votive Silver Calf I see At last! Eternal rest for me. ©Sheffield Forum Writing Group Contributions; (Please check I have numbered yours correctly) Verse; 7, 11, 15, 21, 23. Shoeshine. Verse; 10. Sauerkaut. Verse; 12, 13, 14. Pharedrus. Verse; 16,18, Sheppo. Verse; 19. Scotty225. Lots of room for more, it is your poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annoni_mouse Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I really liked it. I thought it was a very well balanced piece of writing that a nice flow about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauerkraut Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I struggle with poetry, with appreciating it and especially with writing it. But I like the way this tells a story and if we all add a bit it will be very interesting to see where it goes. I've had a go at one verse but feel free to reject it. Like I say, I don't really "do" poetry! Wish I could! Job interviews, curt rejection Seeking ever new direction Accept the dole in resignation The futility of dreams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Following on from sauerkraut's offering:- Writing here, writing there C.V's posted everywhere Unemployment really is unfair A lesson in diligence. A letter comes, addressed to me From a Manager I've been to see "The job is yours! So, tomorrow at Three?" A lesson in tenacity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Nice one sauerkraut, that’s just what we want. I’ll put it in the main body. There is room for more, it looks like we have three verses on employment so try a different time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 Nice one Shoeshine I knew I could rely on you; I'll fit them where I think appropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Nice one Shoeshine I knew I could rely on you, but could you edit them down to a four line verse. “Conformity is a virtue” Re-edit done as you requested, coyleys...see post No.4. ps will you please edit out my previous piece quoted on your post No.6 Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phaedrus Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 But what is this I see up high? A shooting star across the sky At last a sign of hope for me Oh sweetest Jubilation Then fall I must from giddy heights It's hard to see on murky nights My ray of hope was landing lights Oh bitter Desperation So does this mean I am that moose Finding peace at the end of a noose Nah - don't let the buggers grind you down Life is for living Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Nice one Phaedrus, not had a post from you for some time, then you hit us with a few brilliant verses. I will fit them where I think appropriate for the time being and juggle all about later, if anyone has any ideas about arrangement, speak now, it is your poem. Good Man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoeshine Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Between verse six and seven we need more childhood memories up to the dawning of puberty, while keeping the gender neutral. I hope this fits the bill:- Childhood's desire for maturity heeded "No short cut, child. Patience needed!" Mum's spoken words never succeeded How right she was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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