sauerkraut Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Here's my October contribution. Make of it what you will!! Link deleted by author Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopman Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 It flows along quite nicely. I'm not sure that that particular ending works, maybe "That was the last time I saw her..." could refer to your original ending or to the effects of the powder. (How are you supposed to comment and not give the game away?) Quite a nice pun in the title - sehr gut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauerkraut Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Thank you, Hopman. Yes, I was dissatisfied with the conclusion as well. I ran out of inspiration towards the end, got fed up with it, and submitted it anyway! I might completely rework the latter part of the story some time, when (if) the muse returns! Oh, and well spotted (title) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Good one Sauerkraut, nicely wrote, I must admit I half expected something more sinister, like someone’s ashes, but that’s my warped mind. A strong contender for this month, lets have more like that. Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauerkraut Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 ...I half expected something more sinister, like someone’s ashes... Now that, coyleys, is an excellent idea, if a little gruesome! Thank you! I think I feel a little re-writing coming on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopman Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Or; "It was the following day that we received a phone call from the Nursing Home where Auntie lived. They apologised for mislaying our details and not being able to inform us, but Auntie had died three weeks ago and been cremated. They were sending us her ashes..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Or; "It was the following day that we received a phone call from the Nursing Home where Auntie lived. They apologised for mislaying our details and not being able to inform us, but Auntie had died three weeks ago and been cremated. They were sending us her ashes..." Or! The silly old sausage put the talc in the urn and the ashes in the talc box. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauerkraut Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 OK I've had another go. All feedback welcome! Link deleted by author Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Excellent, a story like that is wide open for digression, but you did an admiral job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopman Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 A chiller of a tale expanded from the earluer version. O liked it. admiral job Hello Sailor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.