Writing for publication

[Peacock Lady]

Emoticons don't count. You need to use verbs and nouns and... and... oh, you know. Those WORD things.

[pattricia]

Emoticons don't count. You need to use verbs and nouns and... and... oh, you know. Those WORD things.

 

Yes, I know. Im afraid Ive lost my imagination, but enjoy reading everyone elses stories at the moment. Ive noticed what a lot of stories you have had to read and correct. Thats why I said we are lucky to have you.

[Peacock Lady]

That's a good start. I'll give you some prompts if you've lost your imagination: use the character who has lost her imagination; who is grateful for a stranger's advice; and include a white hatchback car, a bird in a tree, and the smell of coffee on the air.

 

Go on. I dare you.

 

And while you're doing that, can anyone suggest why modifiers are such bad news for fiction? (clue: why do some words need modifying while others don't?)

[smith-07]

Hi Peackock Lady, This is part of a short (ish!) story I'm writing. I hope you have the time to read and evaluate it.

 

Thank you

 

 

"Miss Kelly Lyall was extraordinarily late home from work, and was looking forward to cooking her microwave meal for one and catching up on her favourite soaps on TV. To any outsider it wouldn’t seem like much to look forward to at all, but Kelly was obsessed with her career and didn’t have time for nonsense like a boyfriend or even proper cooking for that matter. If she wanted to really treat herself she might open a bottle of wine later from the fridge. As soon as she walked through the door into the drab ground floor hallway of the apartment building she knew something was wrong, usually all the lights would never be out like this. She tried the light switch to her right a couple of times, and then once more for luck, but got nothing. She didn’t feel fear of the dark; she was too clever for that. This was just another of those annoying things to add to the list of annoying things that had been her day today. She decided to stop by Jason’s apartment on the second floor before heading up to her own on the fifth; she assumed he would know what was going on."

 

 

Edited to add: Please feel free to visit my blog/website

 

http://enjoytheskyline.blogspot.com/

[pattricia]

Smithy, I know you havent asked my opinion on this story but I thought it was very good. It drew you into the story, and the writing was exciting.

[smith-07]

thank you very much pattricia if only one person likes it, that makes me happy

[Peacock Lady]

I'm not going to go through any more, as I don't have the time and I did say I'd only crit the first couple: but my overall impression is that there's far too much "tell" and not nearly enough "show" in Smithy's piece, and so it's very cold and unengaging.

[pattricia]

I'm not going to go through any more, as I don't have the time and I did say I'd only crit the first couple: but my overall impression is that there's far too much "tell" and not nearly enough "show" in Smithy's piece, and so it's very cold and unengaging.

PL is the expert smithy isnt she ?

[gillybob]

hi

 

 

BREATH

Fighting for the seductive air,

Sucking fragranced poison,

Bellows slow up and down,

Stunted wisps of pollution

Filling my chest, panic,

Flowing hot and cold, shivery,

Overpowering my torso like a cloak,

Heavy, thumping, powerless, within the walls

Subsiding, easing, with every tender wheeze

Retained and controlled, flowing

Back to where it came from, deep within

The coiled cavities.

 

By Gillian

 

hi, can you take a look at some of my work please, i would be most grateful.

i have a few other stories, would you take a look? thanks

new member.

[gillybob]

I think that I will not be alive this time next year. The constant excruciating pain is tormenting my every move. Having had 2 operations on my left knee, following a slip getting into a milk vehicle one dark, wet, winters morning, two years later I'm still suffering like a demented laboratory rat.