Adoption: Searching for adopted brother

[DoreenC]

You have come this far. Your brother can refuse to meet with you, but if you don't try to make contact you will always wonder about what might have been. I wish you well. Doreen

[Jason Hinnel]

Hi Doreen,

I'm meeting social services again first week in December and they are going to contact him on my behalf and see if he wants contact.

 

I'm hoping because I was adopted alongside him it will make more of a difference and he will want to speak to me.

 

The worse that can happen is him say no but at least he wil know I'm there as he doesn't yet.

 

Will keep it updated!

[shaznay]

Good Luck Jason, I hope everything turns out for you, it must be a very emotional time for you,

 

Please let us know how you get on, x

[Jason Hinnel]

Hi Shaznay, It is as he's the last of my siblings to find. Think the worst part was finding out the families dark secrets and coming to terms with what I came from to be honest, I get on well with them but don't trust them. I don't want Nicky to get hurt by knowing the past but it is important to me to find him and at the moment I'm not bothered if he doesn't want to know anyone else as long as he speaks to me, at times I think he would be better off never finding out but I still think it's better to know rather than just wonder.

Just hope he knows he's adopted otherwise I'll have really caused problems but still worth the risk.

 

I'll definately keep it all updated, Maybe someone who is thinking of searching for their birth family will read this one day and realise it's a great thing to do even if it does uncover some unpleasant things. Adoptions only happen for a reason and I think as long as you remember that things go okay.

 

Things are getting very close now and my target is to find him by Christmas and I will !

 

I usually don't have much patience but after searching for 2 years I've learned to wait so when I do find him I'll be taking it steady and not rush him.

[DoreenC]

Good luck Jason. I have sent you a personal message.

regards,

Doreen

[Tuppie]

Hi Jason.

 

Let me know how you go on....

 

Kind regards

 

Tuppie

[Jason Hinnel]

Hi Doreen, just sent you a reply but it's on 2 messages. think you'll see why it was a difficult choice to find him rather than let him decide.

 

 

Hi Tuppie, No news as yet but all ready to get on with things on 5th December!

 

Thanks to everyone for answering my question about should I go ahead and find him, It really helped and it's all steam ahead.

Going to post another question and see what you all think, just got to work out how to word it!

[Jason Hinnel]

Okay here goes!

I found my natural father 2 years ago, i went to find him after I found out he killed my brother when mum was 3 months pregnant with me. I wanted to hear his side and have a few minutes alone with him! Anyway we actually got on very well and I was his double.

I knew all about his past, how he had been in and out of prison most his life. Just before last Christmas he was arrested yet again for another very serious offence and he thought I would help him get off as I was in the police a few years back. Naturally I passed everything he said on to the police and he is now hopefully spending the rest of his life in prison. I ended all communication with him and really gave him a hard time as i was the only person he listened to and was wary of.

Although I detest what he is I really miss him and social services have offered to be a go between should I want to talk to him.

If he did die in prison I would always regret not telling him although he is a fool for throwing life away just like that I do miss him as meant a lot to me.

I'm not sure if I should make contact with him or leave him to rot.

i know most of the time he has just been in the wrong place at the wrong time and in many ways he is just an idiot who never grew up but he's 61 now.

Any views would be interesting, i was thinking of sending a christmas card saying although you are a complete waste of space I still miss you and always will.

 

Should I stay away or should I have communication at a very low level?

[MarionC]

Hi Jason

First of all i'd like to wish you well with the search for your brother, I hope he decides to see you and everything ends well.

As for your dad, it's always hard to let go, especially when you know what they have done and the fact that you missed him throughout your childhood. If it was me, I would keep contact at a very low level, but only you know the answer for you.

I am researching my family history, and there are lots of skeletons in lots of cupboards, but still facinating. I never knew my own father, he left when I was a few weeks old, he died in 1998 and one of the family came across his grave in 1999 - so I will never have the chance to meet him now, at least you do have a father that is alive.

Good luck with the meeting of your brother and I look forward to hearing your news

 

Regards

Marion

[tara]

If a birth certificate for a child adopted at birth is registered by natural parents only,then because your brother is nearly 34, he must have needed his birth certificate at some time during his life, so he will know hes adopted and might have also tried to find his birth family.

He might have tried but had less luck than you.