Tuppie Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Hi Jason. Season Greetings to you and yours...and I hope that you get all that you wish for in 2008. Kind Regards Tuppie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Hinnel Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Happy New Year everyone. Hope you all had a great Christmas. I had a nice surprise Christmas day, I got a phone call from a sister I didn't know about so I now have another sister! With regards to Nicky I'm going to get a few adds in the local papers going ( when I get time to sort it ) to see if I can gently get a response from anyone and if that doesn't work I'm going to get Social Services to go for it and contact him. All he'll be asked to start with is if he wants contact with me so that alone can't cause him too much of a problem. He's 34 so not a baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SILLY Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Hi Jason just to say I hope that your brother does get in touch with you My guess is that he would be so lucky to find a brother as good as you.Finding out what you did about your family has obviously not done you any harm probably just made you stronger wishing you all the best in your search. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Hinnel Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 Hi all, I have written to my birth father in prison at last so he knows although I don't stand by anything he has done I do miss him. I'm not sure he will be around for much longer so rather than regret saying some things I got on with it. It doesn't matter if he replies or not just so long he knows. I've contacted social services and I'm awaiting to arrange a meeting with them as I'm going to get them to write to Nicky. Finding out he has a brother can't wreck his life and I could be sat here waiting while he is sat there waiting and nothing would get done so I'm going for it and if he doesn't like it that's just too bad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillsbro Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 My goodness, Jason, you're a remarkable man. I just wanted to add my own good wishes to you, and I hope that you find happiness and fulfilment - you deserve it. We can't choose our parents; it's part of the lottery of life. It is quite clear to all reading this thread that you are a thinking, caring, responsible person and you deserve the best in life. Your dad evidently didn't make the best use of his life and now he's been put away for a long time. He only has himself to blame but perhaps, in one of his more pensive moments, he might spare a little time to be proud of his son. My parents were wonderful, loving people and I still miss them, even as I enter my "bus pass" years; my mum died only a year ago - she was 87, God bless her. All good wishes, Jason - reading a little about your life brought a tear to the eye of this grumpy old man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Jason be sure to let us know how you get along, if your brother get's in touch etc. Good luck, hope it is a happy ending with your brother you deserve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitehorses Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hi all, I have written to my birth father in prison at last so he knows although I don't stand by anything he has done I do miss him. I'm not sure he will be around for much longer so rather than regret saying some things I got on with it. It doesn't matter if he replies or not just so long he knows. I've contacted social services and I'm awaiting to arrange a meeting with them as I'm going to get them to write to Nicky. Finding out he has a brother can't wreck his life and I could be sat here waiting while he is sat there waiting and nothing would get done so I'm going for it and if he doesn't like it that's just too bad! Hi Jason, Haven't posted on your thread for a while.So, you've finally decided to make contact with your brother.Good on you.Hope all goes well, good luck with everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyDaisy Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Hi Jason, I've just read this thread with interest. I'm an adoptee like yourself but, with respect, I think you are so wrong in trying to find your brother. I completely understand your reasons for wanting to do so, and I admire your tenacity and intentions, but the decision has to be his - he has to make that decision himself. You say that a letter won't mean too much; that he's 34 and a big boy now... Well I'm sure he is, but I'm almost 36 and if I got a letter from Social Services saying that a blood relative was looking for me, it wouldn't just be a quick "Shall I?" "Shalln't I?" decision, I can assure you. It would turn my world upside down, and it isn't a letter that I hope to receive any time soon. I'll tell you why, incase you think I'm just a moaning minnie with nothing better to moan about..... Cutting a very long story short, I spent the first 3 yrs of my life in care. I was adopted at the age of 3, and I have the best parents in the world! I truly do. They are both in their 70s now, and my Dad is fighting cancer at the age of 74. So, without even delving into the deep emotional past issues, can you not see why I don't want any contact? It would devastate my parents, and at this time of their lives, it's something they can do without. And yes, I know that when they adopted me in 1975 the notion was always there that I might trace my birth family, but they were totally reassured that the birth family could never trace me, and that is what sticks in my throat about the law change that took place in 2006. All previous guarantees and assurances have gone out of the window! I'm sorry if I seem angry with you Jason - I'm not. I'm just annoyed at the disregard for people who simply do not want to be traced. No letters from Social Services; no looking over my shoulder - I just want to live my life with my parents who chose me and have loved me for almost 33 years. I have no hate to my birth mother - she was only 16 herself, back in the early 70s - she did what was best for me, and I thank her for that. But, if ever I want to say thanks to her, or meet her, then I'll be the one who decides - as were my rights when I was adopted in 1975, and not as per the new laws. And to everyone, I'm not meaning to be rude to Jason, but it is just something I feel so passionate about. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyDaisy Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 I just wanted to add - because I've just re-read my last post post and it seems a bit abrupt! - that Jason, my advice to you, would be to just leave your contact details on file... If your brother ever makes that decision to find you, then he'll know exactly where to find you. In my case, I have never had the desire to find my birth family - simply because I have got such a great family now, and maybe, that's the same scenario with your brother? He's not looking because he has no desire to? Again, I do apologise to everyone if my sentiments seem a bit strong - I hope you can understand why. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Hinnel Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Hi and thanks for taking the time to post your views. I do understand what you're saying, I too have had a great life and wouldn't change it for anything. I'm not sure what I would have done had someone contacted me and yes the main thing is our parents. I never told mine I had searched and found anyone and never will. My life here has and always remain very seperate from where I came from, no one knows exactly where I live and they know it's a no go area and they are far enough away to keep seperate. It is a difficult one and not easy to find a route that is perfect. The way I've come to look at is all my other brothers and sisters were happy for me to contact them, some wanted to search but basically just didn't bother and get around to it. With Nicky I know only too well he should put his parents first and not do anything to upset them. Ive always been an only child so brothers and sisters are one of the best things in life for me and it is possible Nicky has been brought up an only child. He may not want to know about me or anything else but there is a chance his life hasn't been so great or like the rest is sat waiting. My dad will be 80 next month and my mum was 74 when she died 2 years ago, a lot of parents who adopt are older than parents who have their own children and Nickys parents could be getting on or even possibly not around now. My parents who brought me up will always be my real parents and finding my natural family has never once made me think any different. If Nicky got a letter from Social Services saying he had someone wishing to make contact with him he wouldn't find out anymore unless he decided to find out more so the decision would still be his own without anyone putting pressure on. It could turn out very well but yes there is always the chance that he would want no contact but for me the trying is important. I would really regret waiting and waiting to find out something had happened to him in which case I had left it too late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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