When a toddler has a tantrum...

[cosywolf]

The people who frown upon you when you are dealing with a tantrum sensibly - ignoring, or removing - aren't worth the time you spend fretting about what they think, honestly.

 

I do the ignoring thing, and I don't give a hoot if anyone scowls at me. I'm working on my child's future behaviour as well as the present and that trumps some impatient misery's tutting. They'd be lost if I handed the situation to them, they wouldn't know where to start. And to be honest, most of the looks are curious or sympathetic, I think it's easy to feel paranoid about disapproval because you're suddenly a focus of attention.

 

Then again, I am pretty shameless. We don't have a 'naughty step' in our house, I carry 'time out' with me everywhere I go, and I will invite a crying fit by using it when I need to, come hell or high water. There is no place that is safe from a time out if it's needed, and using it does not embarass me, despite the fact that my 2.5 year old will inevitably and immediately start wailing. I would much rather set a clear and consistent set of rules and consequences for my child that will serve him and me throughout his life than try to keep a load of strangers 'happy'.

 

And as one of those strangers myself, passing by when a child is misbehaving, I always have more sympthy for the parent who is attempting to deal with the situation sensibly than the one screaming abuse or the one limply giving in to their screaming angel.

 

Oh and sorry, I don't believe there is an instant cure. I think perhaps some people are looking back through rose tinted spectacles. Rare is the child that can be 'cured' of temper tantrums by one action on one day. It's probably worth considering this when those of you with children who have now grown up are tempted to tut at those of us who are actually living it in the present - one day we too will be saying 'oh yes, my child never tantrummed - well just the once, but I saw to that, and it never happened again.'

[redrobbo]

The people who frown upon you when you are dealing with a tantrum sensibly - ignoring, or removing - aren't worth the time you spend fretting about what they think, honestly.

 

I do the ignoring thing, and I don't give a hoot if anyone scowls at me. I'm working on my child's future behaviour as well as the present and that trumps some impatient misery's tutting. They'd be lost if I handed the situation to them, they wouldn't know where to start. And to be honest, most of the looks are curious or sympathetic, I think it's easy to feel paranoid about disapproval because you're suddenly a focus of attention.

 

Then again, I am pretty shameless. We don't have a 'naughty step' in our house, I carry 'time out' with me everywhere I go, and I will invite a crying fit by using it when I need to, come hell or high water. There is no place that is safe from a time out if it's needed, and using it does not embarass me, despite the fact that my 2.5 year old will inevitably and immediately start wailing. I would much rather set a clear and consistent set of rules and consequences for my child that will serve him and me throughout his life than try to keep a load of strangers 'happy'.

 

And as one of those strangers myself, passing by when a child is misbehaving, I always have more sympthy for the parent who is attempting to deal with the situation sensibly than the one screaming abuse or the one limply giving in to their screaming angel.

 

What an eminently sensible reponse to dealing with a todler having a tantrum - and what excellent advice about ignoring those muttering their disapproval in the background.

 

All kids have tantrums. I well remember negotiating the supermarket check-outs where they stacked all the sweeties and chocolates, and telling my own two todlers that they couldn't have any, and then coping with the howls of protest.

 

It's far too easy to give into young children, especially in a public place with onlookers staring at you - but the only lesson that kids learn from this experience is that if they kick up a noisey tantrum, you cave into them.

 

So on the occasions when some interfering busy-body would tut and mutter "ah... let the poor mite have some sweets", I'd quickly round on them and announce that I wasn't asking for their opinion on how I brought up my kids and ask them to mind their own business.