Poem: Hurricane.

[scotty225]

Here's a sonnet about dialogue breakdown

 

 

Hurricane.

[Mantaspook]

Its always difficult to comment on poetry, mainly because I know so little about it, however, I thought the ‘couplet’ method of rhyming alternative lines was very well attempted, the lines rhymed without ‘reaching’ too much.

 

The poems structure could be better, instead of one 14-line poem it may have flowed a little better if it was a 16-liner, split into four equal stanzas.

 

I wondered why the couples relationship had entered a frosty stage (some nice imagery with the weather BTW) maybe it may have worked better if you’d put a reason, did he have an affair? Etc – it must have been something serious, although, who knows, maybe she’s angry ‘under her frozen sheet’ because he forgot the hot water bottle…with women, you never can tell.

 

Oh, I’m gonna get some stick for this…

[Ron Blanco]

I really liked it. Immeasurably pleasurable in fact!

 

My favourite bit was

 

"... and tones could still be cloudy grey"

 

but i'm not sure why.

 

Sophisticated yet accessible, I thought.

[scotty225]

Thank you both for your kind comments. The poem was origionaly shorter than this but I tried to change its form to make it longer and it worked I think. Changing it again as you (mantaspook) described is a possibility though I find that at the moment I am hooked on the formal sonnet form as it really has me writing and working hard at poetry for some reason.