Story: 'The Millennium Bug Goes West.'

[Falls]

This is another attempt to write a story around Mantaspook's dialogue.

 

Millenium bug 2 by Falls.

[scotty225]

Well done Falls this really worked for me.

[Mantaspook]

Another interesting slant on an old story, the dialogue attribution was very well done, but I thought this line:

 

“That’s called Betelgeuse”, David said, with air of pontification.

 

Was a little bit clunky, the rest was fine though and I think you interpreted the brief very well.

 

What really sets this story apart from the previous attempts is the attention to detail in setting the scene, it’s quite easy to picture the scene of the jet clawing for altitude above the city lights and the descriptions of the frozen lake, the snow and shock of the cold night air almost make you want to turn the central heating up.

 

One thing that confused me initially was the millennium celebrations broadcast live from London at 7PM, it is only when Toronto is mentioned later that you realise how this is possible, perhaps a hint was needed before that.

 

Also David’s urgency at wanting to leave the pub wasn’t really explained, I presume it was because he was feeling drunk but a better device may have been to use Sarah’s asthma as this is mentioned later in the dialogue and would tie in more naturally.

 

But the scene setting was brilliant, I’m still cold, I’m gonna turn the heating up again…

[coyleys]

Good one Falls.

[Falls]

Another interesting slant on an old story, the dialogue attribution was very well done, but I thought this line:

 

“That’s called Betelgeuse”, David said, with air of pontification.

 

Was a little bit clunky, the rest was fine though and I think you interpreted the brief very well.

 

What really sets this story apart from the previous attempts is the attention to detail in setting the scene, it’s quite easy to picture the scene of the jet clawing for altitude above the city lights and the descriptions of the frozen lake, the snow and shock of the cold night air almost make you want to turn the central heating up.

 

One thing that confused me initially was the millennium celebrations broadcast live from London at 7PM, it is only when Toronto is mentioned later that you realise how this is possible, perhaps a hint was needed before that.

 

Also David’s urgency at wanting to leave the pub wasn’t really explained, I presume it was because he was feeling drunk but a better device may have been to use Sarah’s asthma as this is mentioned later in the dialogue and would tie in more naturally.

 

But the scene setting was brilliant, I’m still cold, I’m gonna turn the heating up again…

 

 

Hi Mantaspook,

 

Thanks for your comments.

 

Perhaps my use of the word "Pontification" was a little over-the-top, but your character, "David", did worked in "IT".

 

It has been my painful experience that most of these people are incapable of carrying on a normal conversation, with us lesser mortals. They can only pontificate. This pontifaction often spills over into topics on which they have absolutely no knowledge or expertise. And remember, an IT person is never, never, wrong!

 

Regarding the problems with time zones. I tried to give the reader sufficent info. for them to deduce that the story was not set on GMT but, at the same time, not to insult their intelligence by using a literal sledgehammer. Time zones (As you know, the US has four and we have six) are a fact of life here: The country couldn't function without them.

 

Incidentally before the transcontinental railways were built -and brought the need for standard time zones to a head - Canada had 76 recognized time zones and goodness knows how many local ones. The whole time zone problem didn't get sorted out, international, until the Washington Conference in the 1880's

 

Regards