Remember any old silly verses etc you were told as a child

[Steptoad]

I'm almost out of silly rhymes, but this one just popped into my head. It's another one my dear ol' mam used to say, but it's probably quite well known.

 

Whether the weather be hot,

Or whether the weather be cold,

We'll weather the weather,

Whatever the weather,

Whether the weather or not.

[flashbang]

Mother Mariah

p****d on the fire,

the fire was too hot,

she p****D in the pot,

the pot was too round,

she p****d on the ground,

the ground was too flat,

she p****d on the cat,

and the cat ran away with the p**s on its back.

 

 

 

Here's another one.

 

One fine day in the middle of the night,

a fire broke out in the Atlantic,

a blind man saw it,

a deaf man heard it,

a man with no legs ran to fetch the fire brigade,

they ran over a dead cat and very nearly killed it,

a man was taken to hospital with burnt eyelashes

and syringed bootlaces.

 

I might have got mixed up with these, if anyone has the right version please post it.

[Steptoad]

I've just remembered the first couple of lines to a "poem" that that one of the bigger boys taught me in church.

He wouldn't tell me any more, because it was too rude, but if anybody knows the rest I'd be interested to know it.

 

Me mother sat by the fireside,

With her feet up on the hob,

A bottle of whiskey in her lap,

And a Woodbine in her gob,

[DUFFEMS]

This first one was sort of chanted rather quickly.

 

There was an owd woman lived in a back yard, she used to turn a mangle, the scanty living that she could get was ironing shirts an' collars an' cuffs, she'd nothing to cover her bum,

And the rollers they go in and the rollers they go out, the mangle turns from east to west and scatters the washing about.

 

This next one was sung but, I've no idea of the tune.

My heart is as light as a feather, I hope it will never grow sad,

For I'm getting married tomorrow but, not to a bad Sheffield lad,

For a bad Sheffield lad is deceitful,

He goes around smokin' his pipe,

He goes around courting the lasses,

Especially on Saturday night.

Soooo,

No more standing on the corner of the street,

Winking, blinking at every girl you meet,

No more whisky and no more rum,

And no more strolling home at half past one!

 

This next one I always got a clipped ear for reciting! I apologise beforehand for the expletives.

A*****e, pigsh*t, bl***y, bu***r damn,

Some poor bl*****s stole our pram,

Couldn't give a bu***r, soon buy another,

A*****e, pigsh*t, bl***y, bu***r damn.

[Joto]

Enjoyed reading those with my breakfast, thank you flashbang, steptoad, and duffems. Wish I could help you with the lines you've forgot, but I'm sure somebody will.

[longchat]

my o/h tells the grandkids

the elephant is a gracefull bird

it swings from bough to bough

builds its nest

in a rhubarb tree

and whistles like a cow

[longchat]

i am not a pheasant plucker

im a pheasant pluckers son

and im only plucking pheasants

until the pheasant plucker comes

[Joto]

Ooh longchat I'd better not say that fast, a real tongue twister

[ecol]

Mary had a little lamb

She tied it to a pylon

Ten thousand volts went up its bum

and turned it into nylon

[Plain Talker]

my o/h tells the grandkids

the elephant is a gracefull bird

it swings from bough to bough

builds its nest

in a rhubarb tree

and whistles like a cow

 

what about

 

"A funny old bird is the pelican

 

Its beak can hold nore than its Belly can!"