Steps out into the public eye

[Weazel2006]

Hi everyone

 

I've recently begun writing poetry again after an 8 year rest and am in a position where it doesn't seem to stop, they literally pour out of me day after day.

 

I guess it's my time to face public opinion of my poetry and see if it stands up to much scrutiny. I have been published once but id like to go further and hopefully publish a book.

 

I hope that the poem below can be enjoyed for it's message and inspire anyone who might feel downtrodden to take a stand and be all they can be.

 

 

 

Thankyou for any comments

 

Overture of the malformed vision of your inheritance

Slipping evermore beneath the veil of ignorant blindness

Thus i scream heavenbound rightous to my cause

Has not a sacrifice hope therefore of natures blessing

Delieverance justified by a mothers love

Blasphemy of my bards crystal tale

Tortures incoherent decisions pressed as steel across my chest

Seperated inconsistency unlinked by futures graceful chain

Demonize thus my hearts architectural disfigurement

Cruel no more be as such thus as you stand thy might feel remorse

[Tallyman]

Hi Weazel

 

Thanks for posting your piece for comment, and I hope you will take what I say as constructive criticism:

 

Firstly, I'm sorry, but I'm not clever enough to understand what this is about; you have used some wonderful words, ones with great resonance and weight, but I'm afraid they've also conspired to make your poem very difficult to get a handle on. I expect that may be just me.

 

The one piece of good advice I can give you is this, though:

 

While prose has been described as something like 'good words in the right order', poetry is often seen as 'the best words in the best order'. I've always taken this to mean that the relatively few words you use to create a poem should be well chosen, meaningful and very carefully constructed to paint the very best 'word picture' that you can.

 

The one really practical aspect to this is that it becomes even more important to make absolutely sure that nothing about those words detracts from the meaning you're trying to conjure. In short, making sure that every word is correctly spelled, and that the punctuation is exactly right, is even more important in a poem than it would be in prose.

 

You need to try and avoid distracting the reader from concentrating on the meaning of your poem, and so making an extra effort with spellings and punctuation will pay huge dividends.

 

I hope this helps

 

Good luck, and please keep posting

[leviathan13]

I liked the words you used, but to echo Tallyman, I really didn't have a clue as to what it was about.

 

Saying that, I wrote one a while ago called This Is How I Died. That used lots of imagery, but I even I don't know what it was about.

 

Yours is a very intellectual sounding poem, but you have to think "does that detract from the meaning"?

 

To put it another way, it's one thing to express yourself and write the poetry that you want to, but if you want others to like it, or at the very least understand it, you have to make a few sacrifices with regards to the words used and the styles.

 

I'm no great authority, but from experience, I've found that my more accessible work is enjoyed a lot more than when I'm being all deep and thoughtful.

 

But, as always, this is just my opinion and I hope you do post more in the future.