Couple of articles I've done - all comments appreciated

[PeeJam]

Hi All,

 

New to the group and, looking forward to reading some of the stuff that people have written, I thought I should post some of the stuff I've written as well. It's not fiction, it's a column I write every month on sports that gets published in a Sheffield free mag. I've no training doing the stuff - have just been doing it straight-up and trying to get improved as I go along. Below is this month's and last month's and if anyone has any comments on the writing sytle etc that'd be appreciated mighty fine.

 

(For what it's worth, my opinion is it's better when when the small, factual thing I am basing the paragraph on is something I have already found interesting in the course of the month and is worse when I am forcing myself to think of a thing that is interesting during when I am doing the writing - then the paragraph reads hollow and I think to myself it is words-occupying-space only.)

 

Regards, James

 

 

Last month's:

 

We’ll Leave the Volleys Till Next Time, Y’Alls

 

On her way to the French Open title, her first Grand Slam, Ana Ivanovic demolished Petra Cetkovska 6-0, 6-0. Cetkovska only won 30 points, but 16 of those were unforced errors from Ivanovic - 16 unforced errors? That’s a lot of generosity to show someone you’re not even going to give a single game. Compare the parsimonious Rafael Nadal, who in the successful defence of his men’s title averaged half the errors over more than one-and-a-half times as much tennis. But Ivanovic and the rest of the new post-Williams breed of women’s tennis player are nothing if not generous – why else spray the ball like a chatterbox who spits staccato when he talks? Perhaps it’s because the last few years’ improvements in the women’s game have been bought largely on the back of harder and harder hitting. And now all of the girls can hit, but none of them can consistently control what’s being hit at them.

 

Ivanovic and her contemporaries are in good position to change this though. The Williams sisters really could womp-bop that ball, but they ceded control to power so that we got impressive hitting but a point that became more and more wayward as it became more and more powerful - hence the spittle of unforced errors. With a frame more naturally suited to playing tennis, Ivanovic et al are able to do gracefully what the Williams sisters did arms-all-over-the-shop, and that’s to move without losing shape. And arriving at the ball in better shape to play the next shot, control over the ball becomes a natural consequence. It might not be Ivanovic who’s first to make the difference between herself and her opponent control rather than power, but whoever it is will probably find herself pre-eminent at the top of the woman’s game.

 

Ivanovic is currently ranked 1 in the world, was a semi-finalist at Wimbledon last year, got to the final of the Australian Open this year, has just won the French Open and should be a pretty good prospect for Wimbledon this July. In the final she might be up against fellow Serb Jelena Jankovic, who will have to try and use her experience of winning the 2007 Wimbledon mixed doubles with Britain’s Jamie Murray to overturn her poor record against Ivanovic. In the men’s singles, while Nadal and Novac Djokovic beat lumps out of each other, look to Andy Roddick to be the man to capitalise on the Federer wobbles (they are just wobbles, right?).

 

Elsewhere, Ricky Hatton has got himself back on track by widely out-pointing Juan Lazcano in Manchester, but in interviews he shows he's still not over his defeat to Pretty Boy Floyd Mayweather – a mental strait jacket that won't have been loosened by the recent announcement by PBF of his retirement from the sport. PBF’s retired enough times for us to be able to digest our breakfast without upset, but it should underline to Hatton that chasing a whimsical Floyd will be less fulfilling than seeking fresh challenges – a date perhaps with the winner of Cotto and Margarito?

 

As the Euro Championships 2008 get underway it’s interesting to read reports of the falling number of English players in the Premier League and the FIFA proposal to limit foreign-born players to five. Success in one place is often bought at the price of failure somewhere else but the argument that a Premier League shorn of foreigners (but not as successful) would directly lead to an improved English national team seems flawed. Perhaps the problem is less the number of foreign players in the Premier League than the number of English players in the foreign leagues (zero or one depending on whether you count David Beckham). It’s an islander’s luxury to lament his own insularity, but maybe if English footballing sons were more willing to experience other cultures, football and otherwise, we would have a national team less surprised by opposing teams’ national styles.

 

Euro 2008 itself looks pretty open, but the winner of the Germany v Portugal quarter final should have enough momentum to lift the trophy – Portugal because they will have taken their group form into the knock-out stages and Germany because they will have risen above their group form to beat one of the tournaments best-looking sides. In the final they will probably meet the implosive Netherlands or Spain.

 

Finally, kinky Max Mosely has won a vote of confidence to remain as president of the FIA. Expect next season’s F1 rule changes to include buttock-less leather driving suits and sand-paper coated seats.

 

Quote of the month: (James Blake weighs up defeat to Latvian teenager Ernests Gulbis – recently beaten himself by Andy Murray at Queens) “I won’t let this affect my confidence except as a motivational tool.” Sports babble, but the difference with Blake is that he actually means it - and in the same way that he meant, having just been defeated by Andre Agassi in the US Open semi-final, that it was a pleasure to have just lost such a great match to such a great champion at such a great championships – losing and winning and winning and losing.

 

 

This month's:

 

A Toughie: Dwain Chambers or Joey Barton?

 

Maybe the Olympics should do the same as Formula One and have a drivers' championship and a constructors' championship? Although whether it should be BALCO, driven by Marion Jones, or Marion Jones driven by BALCO is not immediately clear (*). Or maybe we should just award the gold medal to second place? Or make Olympic cynicism a new event alongside BMXing? Whichever and whatever, the problem for the Olympics is that heroism now comes with an accusation – how did you get so good?

 

For Britain, the drugs controversy de jour is whether Dwain Chambers should be allowed to run in the 100m sprint. Chambers has served a two-year drugs ban and under international rules is eligible for selection, but British rules state that an athlete found guilty of doping is banned from the Olympic team for life. This discrepancy, considered by Chambers unfair, has been taken by his lawyers to the High Court. But even if Chambers does end up running, can he claim to be representing anyone other than himself? By seeming to appear a fighter against injustice he has antagonised many. And by insidiously skirting the idea that an athlete who has been caught cheating is more likely to be clean than an athlete who has not, he plays to the worst ideas people have about his sport. Perhaps the best thing that Chambers can hope for if he wins in court is a politely applauded bronze medal - anything more is liable to been seen as the wages of sin. And if he loses, he should continue the fight against the rule he considers unfair and prove that his principle is not simply personal.

 

In other events, Allyson Felix (USA) should improve on her 2004 200m silver medal and British triple-jumper Phillips Idowu, taking with him the longest jump in the world so far this year, will hope to bring back the gold medal that he watched Johnathan Edwards win in 2000 – proof that success does kindle in young bellies.

 

In football, and serving bird at the same time as Marion Jones (she six months for perjuries relating to BALCO) is Newcastle United’s Joey Barton. A cruel, cramped punishment for the leggy Jones, for Barton it’ll be more like holidaying in Spain before deciding whether or not to emigrate – a four month suspended sentence for a training ground punch-up awaits if he decides he likes things there. Barton’s rogueries first came to attention at the Manchester City Xmas party in 2004, when playfully trying to set fire to his team-mates’ fancy dress turned to playfully stubbing a cigar out in his team-mate’s eye. And although his actions would seem to be those of a man not able to control the parameters of his joie-de-vivre (and his on-field disciplinary record would speak similar) there are many who say Barton is successfully battling against the harsh environment of his Huyton, Liverpool upbringing. Indeed, Barton himself has said that where he’s from the options for many are “loitering, crime, drugs and prison”. That doesn’t excuse his behaviour but it does mean that once he has served his punishment he should continue to be helped to apply the persistence that exists in his football to his wayward temper.

 

At Wimbledon this year we saw The Passion of Murray (but still too many drop-shots) and got the men’s final everybody wanted. Federer, defeated, now has to decide whether to retreat with his 12 Grand Slams (two short of Sampras’ record) or try to overcome his fear of Nadal, for fear is what it is. As evidence of a frightened Federer, see the timid way he approaches the net expecting not to win the point - and winning a fewer percentage of his net points than Nadal! He might also want a quick word with the Wimbledon groundsman – this year the balls were bouncing higher and 9mph slower off the grass, great news for Nadal.

 

Lastly, boxer Wladimir Klitchko seems to be warming to the idea of a heavyweight match-up with cruiserweight champ David Haye. Klitchko will probably feel he has enough of a size advantage to wear Haye down at distance, but people are bored of seeing the technical Klitchko jab at a ponderous foe and Haye looks to be just the sort of explosive fighter the division is crying out for.

 

(*) BALCO, or the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, was the sports nutrition company run by moustachioed ex-showman Victor Conte which supplied banned steroid THG to Marion Jones, Dwain Chambers and all-time home runs record-holder Barry Bonds. The journalists who broke the story have written a book, Game of Shadows, which, my brother informs me, is excellent – and look particularly for the Barry Bonds muscle-growth photos before and after taking ‘The Clear’.

 

Quote of the month: “Coach Frings would play player Frings in the starting line-up.” (The injured Torsten Frings makes a poor claim for his judgement as physio, manager and player – he played, Germany lost 1-0).

[Tallyman]

Peejam

 

Welcome to the group, and thanks for posting your two articles here. Any kind of writing is welcome, and will find willing readers and, hopefully, those ready to give feedback and comment.

 

From my point of view, good journalism informs and entertains. It's not just a case of stating facts, but of making those facts interesting, colouring them with the writer's own perceptions and opinions. I'm afraid I can't claim to know anything about the sports or sportspeople you write about, but your style is engaging. You come across as having a breadth and depth of knowledge that allows you to make links and pass comment with some authority. You don't seem to sit on the fence, and your style seems to invite the reader to agree or argue with you.

 

Do you get any feedback from either the free paper's editor, or any of your readers?

[PeeJam]

Hi Tallyman,

 

Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read the articles. I've had some very useful feedback from friends, but nothing so far from any genuine readers. I think they print a reasonable number of copies of the magazine but with these sort of free mags I guess it's more people flicking through than quieting the room, turning off the mobile and sitting down to read. In the shops that I've seen it in though, I've not been too ashamned to induce readership by leaving the thing open at the sports page.

 

James

[Mantaspook]

Hi Peejam,

 

Your writing style is very easy to read & it looks just fine to me, you cram a lot of information into the articles and tell the story in an entertaining and colourful manner.

 

I've a lot of admiration for this type of work because it is a lot harder than it looks, I once went on a course that was run by the NUJ and one of the tests we had to complete consisted of looking briefly at a 10" x 8" photo, then several pages of notes which listed about 110 facts and several quotations related to the photo.

 

Then the lecturer said: "Write an article on what you've just seen, 750 words, you've got 30 minutes."

 

The photo was of an elderly couple on a balcony overlooking a church with a steeple.

The facts didn't make sense, there were several that cancelled each other out ("The man fought with the desert Rats in Africa" / "Last year was the first time they had ever gone abroad.")

 

Just sifting the wheat from the chaff took ages, by the time you'd filtered it all down you could have two or three stories like (1) a couple celebrate their golden wedding anniversary overlooking the church where they got married or (2) serial bigamist caught out by vicar or (3) Grandma spots her grandson nicking lead off church roof and reported him to police.

 

You've got 10 minutes left to write a witty, entertaining, and above all FACTUAL article, by the way, did anyone spot those four subtle errors that would result in your paper being sued for libel?

 

The exercise certainly made you think a lot sharper.

 

One of the other things we learned about writing an article was to how to 'top & tail' them, you start of with an introduction/opening statement that is always referred back to in the closing statement.

 

Example:

 

Start: "Rio Ferdinand scored an hat trick at Old Trafford last Saturday but was sent off after a wild lunge at …"

 

Finish: "Rio Ferdinand wasn't the only one to score a hat-trick this week end, Louis Hamilton cemented his top spot in the drivers championship with pole position, fastest lap and victory in the last weekends Argentinean Grand Prix in Rio de Janeiro, as he passed the chequered flag Rio went wild but this time there was no need for a sending off."

 

I see this technique all the time in different papers, and its not confined to the sport pages either, it's good if you can get the odd funny one liner in too, this is one of my favourites.

 

"Ronaldo was bowled over to win the player of the year trophy, even though it never went near him…"

[PeeJam]

Hi Mantaspook, Thanks for your comments - and the one-liner!

 

Your 'top and tail' advice reminds me of something sort of similar I read from Papa Hemingway, something like:

 

1. Write yourself a brilliantly descriptive introduction, the scene and characters should be evocative in the reader's mind.

 

2. Then say what happened.

 

3. Write a conclusion that ties in all the bits of the story and allows the reader to relate it to wider contexts or things in their own lives.

 

4. Then throw away the introduction and conclusion - all you need to do is say what happened.

 

 

James