archaeobard Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 Sorry this is being posted in October...but since I just joined, I thought I'd better post late rather than never. I'm not too happy with the ending of this one, so any advice greatly appreciated. I read it and think it is ok based on the idea, then I reread it and think it is too abrupt with a quick and easy get out. But in a way that is what I wanted. Not sure, I have confused myself! Anyway, here you are. Albert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikomi Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 I think your right in what your saying, shame really it was going well untill the ending came to soon, and that was disappointing. Naughty you, do it all again . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 Hi ya archaeobard Nice to have you on board and thanks for the post. I must admit I am a bit confused, not so much with the story, which I will comment on later, but more with the author. The story seems a bit out of character, am I right in assuming you sometimes answer to the name of Katia? Forgive me if I’m wrong, it’s the ramblings of an old man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archaeobard Posted October 6, 2008 Author Share Posted October 6, 2008 I think your right in what your saying, shame really it was going well untill the ending came to soon, and that was disappointing. Naughty you, do it all again . Yeah, I think I will take the idea and expand. I really wasn't happy with it. I will make it the start of something better I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archaeobard Posted October 6, 2008 Author Share Posted October 6, 2008 Hi ya archaeobard am I right in assuming you sometimes answer to the name of Katia? Forgive me if I’m wrong, it’s the ramblings of an old man. And which old man would this be? It's not out of character for me, I write many things... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikomi Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 Hi ya archaeobard Nice to have you on board and thanks for the post. I must admit I am a bit confused, not so much with the story, which I will comment on later, but more with the author. The story seems a bit out of character, am I right in assuming you sometimes answer to the name of Katia? Forgive me if I’m wrong, it’s the ramblings of an old man. coyleys, do you know something we don't, cum on do-ya:o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 coyleys, do you know something we don't, cum on do-ya:o Not for me to say; but a bit of an enigma puts a bit of spice in the group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archaeobard Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 I'm not really an enigma!! I posted about my previous writing experience in my intro post...no biggy. Now I am intrigued about what Coyleys thinks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Shark Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 so Archaeobard the Mysterious...cool new name...we should learn so much more about you then again i already do. hello everyone i would also like to join this group so see you all soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Now I am intrigued about what Coyleys thinks... Hi ya Archaeobard. I’m sorry if I seemed to have come across as condescending, it was not my intension, so please except my apologies. I have read some of your Xena – Gabrielle stories and have to say I’m impressed, I must read them all. Your “The Clutch of Fate” was equally impressive; I do like that particular style of writing, but your “Albert” failed for me (sorry). I found it confusing, Well! Not so much confusing but more flat, that is why I thought it was so out of character with what had gone before. I realise one is limited to the amount of info in such a short piece, had it been the intro to a larger piece then fine. I agree with you on the ending being abrupt, maybe.... Albert’s father was murdered and his mistress was found guilty, maybe hanged, years later it became known that the love affair had had such a devastating subconscious affect on young Albert, that it was Albert who sleep-walked and killed his father.( A bit Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde'ish.) The story was Albert’s confession. So there you have it. Bye-for-now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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