mikomi Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 Hello everyone . I haven't been around the pool for sometime, so i thought i would jump back in with this months theme.Please feel free to comment. Edit by Tallyman: Coyleys has very kindly converted the original file to MS Word, which should make it available to members. Please follow this link to Mikomi's story http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1228241285.doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikomi Posted December 2, 2008 Author Share Posted December 2, 2008 It works now, Forces from beyond intervene and got it working thank you. Link at the top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Hello Mikomi, I enjoyed your story. At first I thought it was going to be a bit too rude for my delicate sensitivities, but actually the language was about right for the nature of the central character. I found it easy to read and liked the message, which I decided was about rehabilitation. Rehabilitation does seem to be largely ignored and massively lacking in our justice system so it's definitely a good message to be putting out there. I am also a fan of self-help books and was so taken in by the authenticity of your story that I looked up the title: "You can Measure a man by the deeds he has done" on Amazon, only to find that it doesn't exist. The closest title I could find was "The True Measure of a Woman: Discover Your Intrinsic Value as You Learn to See Yourself as God Does", which may not have inspired Peter William Smith to change his perspective. In fact if he'd been handed that book instead he'd probably only have got to page 10 before feeling an urge to bash someone's head in. I enjoyed the story though. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikomi Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Thanks for taking the time to read the story Ron and for your comments. I think if your going to make a character credible, then it's a case of warts and all for me.I really like to get inside them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coyleys Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Well I finally got around to reading it, and really enjoyed it; John McVicar springs to mind on this one. A good interpretation of this month’s theme. Nice one Mikomi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tallyman Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Mikomi Sorry it's taken a while to comment on your story. First of all, it was well worth all of that fiddling around to make it available. I enjoyed it a great deal, and agree with both Coyleys' and Ron Blanco's comments. I like the way you played around with time, and the way you used language and grammar, and a kind of free flow style to effect this conversational style. I felt it fitted the character absolutely, and was very well put together. The other thing I noticed was how the words you use become more sophisticated later on in the story, and seem to reflect the way Peter is becoming more educated. Nice one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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