slickwitch Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 i think there are a lot of judgements here which are a bit harsh on Volcano...basically she is here to ask for absolution for something she knows was wrong...she doesn't state that this is a regular occurrence...rather the opposite.....and she has history of words like this leading to violence. I feel quite sorry for you Volcano. Yes it was wrong..but you know that. However we all get things wrong sometimes. You should apologise. As should he. And then find ways to make sure neither of you repeat these actions. Mr S is a namecaller ..but I've actually become immune to it and now he does it less as it gets no reaction. However I am currently not the best example of fixing relationships I'm afraid...but good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mojo1 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I think it's very brave of you to admit that you have struck your partner. You were provoked, most definitely and although your reaction was extreme, it was still only a reaction. I don't think you have anger issues or violence issues, judging by what you have said in your posts, I do think you may need some kind of counselling to help you to come to terms with the past and that this will help you to temper your reactions now. If you haven't already you need to discuss the family violence that you were witness to/suffered whilst growing up. He needs to make a choice to support you in coming to terms with it or to let you deal with it on your own, but aggressive arguing won't help and may well trigger worse reactions in future. Your GP can refer you to a counseller and help you to find the best course of action with dealing with your underlying problems. Without knowing more that's all I can suggest. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Watcher Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I think it's very brave of you to admit that you have struck your partner. You were provoked, most definitely and although your reaction was extreme, it was still only a reaction. I don't think you have anger issues or violence issues, judging by what you have said in your posts, I do think you may need some kind of counselling to help you to come to terms with the past and that this will help you to temper your reactions now. If you haven't already you need to discuss the family violence that you were witness to/suffered whilst growing up. He needs to make a choice to support you in coming to terms with it or to let you deal with it on your own, but aggressive arguing won't help and may well trigger worse reactions in future. Your GP can refer you to a counseller and help you to find the best course of action with dealing with your underlying problems. Without knowing more that's all I can suggest. Good luck. Spoken like a true women:thumbsup:. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mojo1 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Spoken like a true women:thumbsup:. Spoken like a counseller, actually:thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Watcher Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Spoken like a counseller, actually:thumbsup: Well that put me in my place:hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free2breathe Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 During an argument last night my partner called me a name. He called me a Sl*g. This is not the first time he has called me this and he is really nasty with it. The thing is last night I had enough and hit him. I am not proud of it and feel gutted but It hurts so much to be called something like that from the person who is supposed to love me. My dad also used to call my mum things like this and I once lashed out and hit him too for doing it. I feel gutted that I have lashed out like that and do think I should control my anger but my partner refuses to see what he did was also appaling and is just saying how horrible I am for hitting out. I cant handle this anymore. Hi I think i may have quite alot to say on this subject so bear with me, 1st there is never an excuse for lashing out at the 1 you profess to love!!! But I can understand that out of anger and frustration you maybe just wanted to hurt him in the same way he was hurting you.. I was brought up in a household where domestic violence was the norm... But it's not and once you start this cycle of abusive behaviour it can esculate and be hard to break, I have a couple of suggestions for you and it's your choice as to whether you take any advice but as you have posted this I am assuming you would like a resolve. Firstly your partner should not treat you with such disrespect peope say that it is only a word, but it's not it a very dirogatory name to call a woman, especially 1 that you are in love with an i certainly would not be happy if my partner called me this, and is a form of abuse in it's self, I probably would excuse it if it was only once, but anymore than that it would be OVER.... that's my 1st suggestion But if you really love this man and he you, then i suggest you have some couple councelling then you can both talk openly without resulting in any form of violence whether it be verbal or physical, then maybe your relationship will be stronger and you can learn to speak to each other without it resulting in situations such as this... Also you don't say whether you have children or not but if you do you should both think of the effect that this has on them because believe me it never leaves you. I hope this helps, good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Squirrel Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 No it is not but you could argue she is responding back in self defence. Not really as the OP has said this is not the first time he has called her a slag. What he is doing to her you could class a mental abuse? & there is only so much a person can take before they retaleate back. While i understand the sentiment...the facts are... Verbal abuse, however unpleasant is not assault......responding with physical contact is not self defence....its assault - thats fact im afraid. As i understand the OP, she became physical first thereby committing assault, provocation due to the abusive language is poor excuse for the simple reason of..where would society be if we were given impunity to commit assault upon receiving abusive language? Responding to physical abuse or assault with physical contact could be deemed as self defence but only if you respond with 'reasonable force'. While the OP has my sympathies for her situation, i would strongly dissuade her from becoming physical unless defending herself against physical abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I think it's very brave of you to admit that you have struck your partner. You were provoked, most definitely and although your reaction was extreme, it was still only a reaction. I don't think you have anger issues or violence issues, judging by what you have said in your posts, I do think you may need some kind of counselling to help you to come to terms with the past and that this will help you to temper your reactions now. If you haven't already you need to discuss the family violence that you were witness to/suffered whilst growing up. He needs to make a choice to support you in coming to terms with it or to let you deal with it on your own, but aggressive arguing won't help and may well trigger worse reactions in future. Your GP can refer you to a counseller and help you to find the best course of action with dealing with your underlying problems. Without knowing more that's all I can suggest. Good luck. I quite agree. But I think the OP has some problems in the relationship that aren't entirely to do with her reactions, "my partner refuses to see what he did was also appaling and is just saying how horrible I am for hitting out ...". Unless he can see that calling her something that really upsets her is just not on, then I think the relationship is going to continue to be problematic. Name calling might not physically hurt, but it is a form of mental abuse. And, if somebody uses a particular insult that they know is going to really hurt their partner, then that's not very considerate, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukstudent Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Have you thought about some couple counselling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouija Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I hate words like that. There is no excuse for using nasty words like that towards somebody you are supposed to love or care about. But if it is something somebody does regularly, I would want to question why I was staying with somebody who called me names in the first place. And if they thought so negatively about me, why were they staying with me? My reaction to this name calling would not have been to slap my partner, it would have been to end the relationship. (and no, I'm not condoning hitting anybody, which is wrong) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.