Crime Story - January Theme

[Falls]

Crime Story - Monthly Theme

 

Hi,

 

I haven't contributed to a monthly theme in quite a while but thought I would have go at January's

 

Regards

 

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1232313513.doc

[Mantaspook]

Hi Falls,

 

I really enjoyed reading this, there were some very nice touches of your dry humour and the ending was both satisfying & unexpected so well done for sticking close to the original briefing notes.

 

Word count was good too; word counts are a common constraint when writing a magazine article so you have to make every word count. My initial impression is that there is an awful lot of 'back-story' crammed into the first three paragraphs that could have been left out, it would have been punchier to jump straight in with "One dark winter morning, the police were called out to the local curling club…"

 

The third person story viewpoint is OK, but it does read like a news report in places, it needs more characterisation and the focus should be on the conflict between the lawyer & the policeman - I would have liked to have seen a lot more of them, giving them a few lines of dialogue to set up the verbal joust at the end.

 

A well paced, entertaining story with a humorous ending.

[coyleys]

Good one Falls, nice and easy reading and quite funny.

Sounds like a tale from my old estate, back in the dark days.

Someone would knock on the door.

“Do you want to buy a cheap wireless, Mr?”

“No thank you lad”

My dad was to proud to say no matter how cheap it was he couldn’t afford it and most of the time the electric was cut off anyway.

Yes! They were certainly the dark days.

Keep em coming Falls, I do enjoy your little tales.

Nice one.