Story: Escape to F4

[Ron Blanco]

Hey! Just in the nick of time, here's my contribution for July.

 

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1249083778.doc

 

Really looking forward to your feedback on this one.

[Ron Blanco]

Ok, so no feedback so far. Fair enough. I get the message. But I can take it. Dystopian fiction's not easy you know!

 

Personally I think this story has a lot of potential... just needs a bit of tweeking. Ok, well maybe quite a lot of tweeking. That's where you guys come in. You just read the story and then you say what you think. Simple!

 

The main thing, of course, is that I like it. That's what matters. It may not make me rich, but I will look back one day and say, 'ah yes, Escape to F4', my finest hour.

 

[coyleys]

Ok, so no feedback so far. Fair enough. I get the message. But I can take it.

 

Arrr! I’ll be alright, nobody cares about little old me, I’ll just hide in the closet and scribble away to myself.

Don’t despair Ron, trusty old Coyley read it, along with 51 phantoms.

If it’s any consolation, yours was the best contribution for July.

I would have thought Dystopia was an easy subject, but when I eventually put pen to paper the old grey matter froze. I suppose I could have wrote about my last couple of days; The wife had a bad cold –bless her - so I had to mash my own tea, tie my own shoe laces and work out how to use the TV remote, it was that or watch the same channel all night. Life has not been good for Coyley the last couple of days. I know what you’re thinking “that’s very inconsiderate of her” but I managed to struggle by, so no emails of sympathy please.

Anyway, F4 was a great attempt at this month’s theme –although I don’t get the relevance with F4, the grey matter is still not working – It could be a taste of things to come, if we don’t have an election soon. (Oop! Sorry, No politics)

The story rolled along at an easy pace and I like your descriptive work. I suppose we men have no idea on the emotional aspects of pregnancy “the bond between mother and child, even before birth” and then to be told “termination” and I thought I had it bad, living on pot noodles for 2 days.

It reminds me of Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, who incidentally was my good mate’s Grand uncle and my only claim to fame.

Nice one Ron.

Keep-em coming.

[Ron Blanco]

"Don’t despair Ron, trusty old Coyley read it"

 

Hooray! You are an example to us all in your contributions to the forum Mr C.

 

 

"If it’s any consolation, yours was the best contribution for July."

 

And the worst! Do you remember the days when 7 or 8 stories used to be posted each month?

 

 

"I don’t get the relevance with F4"

 

I don't really understand much of the story either.

 

I found it very hard to think of a dystopian theme, and the one I came up with was a bit mischievous. I enjoyed it in the end though and really glad I had a go.

[Tallyman]

Ron

 

Many apologies, I've been in something of a wilderness recently - much on the domestic front to deal with. Anyway, just before I set out on my hols, I thought a little light reading would be in order, and yours was it!

 

First of all, congratulations and thanks for persevering with submissions while all around seems to be taking a break, and please take the following comments as coming from someone who can ask all the questions, but can't come up with my own offering:

 

I liked your story, Ron. It did have a flavour of the excellent 'Brave New World' about it, as Coyleys said. But there were elements of Margaret Atwood's 'The Handmaid's Tale' about it as well, I thought. Anyway, some thoughts:

 

F4: I don't know if you were thinking it, Ron, but on my computer keyboard 'F4' is also marked 'New'. New life, new chance, new opportunity perhaps?

 

Masters: I think I managed to figure out the clever misdirection here, but I had to read it a few times. No criticism there at all - I had to watch The Sixth Sense all over again when I got to the end.

 

Katy's mechanical prowess: This was a little confusing. On the one hand, Katy had never driven before, yet on the other she was able to easily fix the car's problem under the bonnet after just a quick inspection. Clearly the masters aren't up to dealing with technology, but could you have alluded somewhere to something in Katy's past that made her more likely to be able to fix a problem with something she'd never used before?

 

At first, I thought this was a dystopia based on basic gender reversal, but it seems you've written something else. It's clear that GFNs can be either gender, so we're looking at some sort of 'us and them' class/wealth/gene based division in society. Then again, it appears as if the masters are of a single gender, so you have an interesting blend of criteria for deciding who's in the dominant, and who's in the subservient, class.

 

Food for thought, there, Ron. Thank you!

[Ron Blanco]

Thanks for your comments Tallyman. Much appreciated as always.

 

I never managed to finish The Handmaid's Tale, but perhaps I will give it another try.

 

As regards your comments, katy's mechanical prowess was intuitive. Innate even. Conversely the masters had special intuitive powers of psychological manipulation, which I didn't have time to explore properly in the story.

 

F4? Hmmm.... F4J would have been too obvious, maybe.

 

I'll look forward to the time when you put on another of your stories. The one about the Frank girl remains a classic, and I think about it often.

 

Thanks again and enjoy your holiday

[Tallyman]

You're very kind Ron, thank you. I'll try and come up with something while I'm away!