Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[miniminch]

I tell you who I’d love to slap – Christa Ackroyd or anyone else that works for a regional news programme. What utter arse! I hardly ever watch TV as I usually end up hurling it at a passing car but on the one rare occasion I tuned in I was greeted by the calendar ‘Richard whitely mourning special.’ Now I’ve kept quiet about this ( respect for the dead and all that) However I was confronted with Ackroyd dress in black with a face like a bedraggled **** holding back the tears for the no-talent, tea-time quiz presenter as if we’d just lost Jesus!

I mean talk about over doing it. And I can’t remember her making such an effort when the pope died; when half the western world went into mourning. (Although, to be fair, I wore a clown’s outfit for that occasion)

I also imagine her to be really humourless and stupid.

I hate the way she gives the answer to the question in the question and the way she patronises the token commoner she has on.

CA: so tell me about the brave way you saved your little sister from the chip pan fire.

Commoner: err – I was brave and rescued my sister from a chip pan fire.

CA: The moving story of a very brave little boy there.

 

Christa looks into camera looking like a ball-less scrotum and the audience notices the fires of a living hell burning deep within the blacks of her

eyes

[timo]

Mini,

I think that the phrase,'with a face like a bedraggled ****' is surely your bon mot! LOL.

[DanSumption]

Yes! Can I switch my vote from Sir Cliff to bedraggled-**** Christa. A face more worthy of slapping I have yet to come across on my TV.

 

BTW has anyone mentioned Carole Smilie yet? How many slaps would it take to wipe the smilie off her face?

[Pauline BHG]

Cilla from Coronation Street. A really hard wallop would be required.

[Swan_Vesta]

I feel moved to nominate a veritable brood of slappee's, namely the self congratulating presenters of CH4's hangover TV. Bunch of fake smiling, irritating, ill spoken panderers to one hit wonders and cretins from Hollyarse.

 

I curse the moron who created your lot in life - Any less talent and you'd be flipping burgers. I hate your show/slot fillers and therefore now avoid it like the rotting, bloated, fly-blown carcass it is.

 

June Sarpong, The correct phrase is "I love it" NOT "I'm loving it" your continued use of irritating street language is enough to warrant a blinding zinger right across your perpetually inanely grinning face.

 

Vernon Kay, You are the televisual version of syphilis: Completely irritating, you won't go away and you're socially debilitating. One right hander coming up!

 

The Welsh one, just don't like you. It's nothing personal but you make me itch. Ker-Slap!!

 

Just please go away all of you. This is me pleading here. I want good weekend telly not a bunch of no account trendies bolstering the over inflated egos of plebian boy bands and mono browed actors. AARRRRRGH

[Bully_Beef]

YES! I would gladly take an ox-hide strap to the fawning T4 trogledytes myself.

 

I would also like to lock up, in the same zoo enclosure full of faeces-hurling chimpanzees which I have already earmarked for Jimmy Carr, the repugnant Angus Deayton, who, though not quite as smugly rodent-eyed as Carr, shares the same flat, deadpan delivery, peppered with “sardonic” raised eyebrows, which a league of Rowan Atkinson imitators have failed to pull off effectively. Every last tired gag can be seen approaching for miles and falls embarrassingly flat, leaving one with the feeling of having just pushed a dead seal in a wheelbarrow up a hill and over a cliff.

[timo]

One would relish the spectacle of Jane Horrocks, the self-important, 'multi-talented' Lancastrian actress/singer being slapped severely with the heavy, leather gauntlets of the Das Reich Division of the SS. Afterwards, the old Comanche 'party piece' of repeatedly running a naked victim through a huge cactus should suffice. Either that, or watching as the clown-faced, in-bred **** is force-fed 'Lancisheer' oven bottom muffins until her stomach wall pleasingly bursts. Mind you, I don't like violence.

[nick2]

Timo, it's like reading the script for a remake of Theatre Of Blood, I can see you standing-in for Vincent Price.

[Damon]

Oh dear God, this is sublime:

 

Originally posted by miniminch

CA: so tell me about the brave way you saved your little sister from the chip pan fire.

Commoner: err – I was brave and rescued my sister from a chip pan fire.

CA: The moving story of a very brave little boy there.

 

This is the best thread in the history of the internet.

[DanSumption]

Originally posted by timo

One would relish the spectacle of Jane Horrocks, the self-important, 'multi-talented' Lancastrian actress/singer being slapped severely with the heavy, leather gauntlets of the Das Reich Division of the SS. Afterwards, the old Comanche 'party piece' of repeatedly running a naked victim through a huge cactus should suffice. Either that, or watching as the clown-faced, in-bred **** is force-fed 'Lancisheer' oven bottom muffins until her stomach wall pleasingly bursts. Mind you, I don't like violence.

Or, failing all that, I'd be quite happy to cover her in chocolate spread and lick it off, seeing as David Thewliss didn't seem so keen.

 

I don't like violence either, but it doesn't half make me laugh sometimes.