Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[timo]

Abdul,

We will beg to differ re the Princes Rd and Sefton Parks. Today, they are hardly places where one would picnic, escort a young lady, or fly a kite. One cannot even perch upon a bench to consume one's cheese sandwich without some ne'er-do-well or unshaven, lycra-clad Merry Andrew sidling up to relate his ridiculous 'life story' of drug abuse, parental abandonment and 'hassle' from 'the bizzies' in Sefton. As for the Princes Rd park, it is allegedly the daytime site of battles between rival gangs of Balkan asylum seekers, the home of aggressive tramps and condom and needle-strewn. When night falls, who would be so foolish as to hang around to find out?

 

Are you a fan of Salvador Dali? I didn't think it was possible to be one. I am a Turner man, myself. Don't you find Dali's floppy clocks and people 'auto-sodomising' themselves a tad tedious? Give me a pastoral landscape, or Turner's experiments with light and colour every time. Mind you, Dali could be jolly amusing. When interviewed by Russell Harty [of all people...] he once declared himself the 'greatest painter of the 20th Century'. When asked to qualify his frank self-appraisal, he replied, 'Eez not because Dali eez so good. Eez because ze others are so bad!' That may be Dali's bon mot. At any rate, we can't slap him because he is deceased.

[Swan_Vesta]

I feel compelled to share this with my fellow celebrity slap administrators, last night I dreamt that I cuffed Jade Goody.

 

It's certain that this thread, and my earlier comments on it, sparked this random dream, to which Timo, you have my undying thanks, as I woke up this morning in a very jolly mood.

 

Anyway, to business, the majority of the dream was fairly humdrum but for some reason the piggy one was in Morrisons and I took the chance to abandon my trolley and run at her full pelt landing an absolute zinger on Essex's favorite daughter right next to the cheese counter.

 

Writing this and remembering my nocturnal ponderings has left me feeling all warm inside.

[timo]

Swan Vesta,

I am glad that my ever-expanding thread has caused such pleasure!

 

Re Goody, the Bermondsey grotesque and 'reality tv celebrity' has the pathetic ugliness of a circus clown. To reiterate a point I made earlier in the thread; it is rumoured that her rubbery, fleshy features were the inspiration for those of the accursed 'Crazy Frog' which has recently blighted our lives. There are other parallels too. When Goody disrobed on television, her genitalia, like that of the 'Crazy Frog', appeared to be deformed. What a shame it is that we are not living in the crueller Victorian age. Goody would be exhibited in travelling freakshows as some sort of 'Frogwoman'. Reflecting upon the schoolboyish fun and games we had with frogs, someone should stick a giant straw up Goody's bottom and blow her up until she bursts.

[DanSumption]

Originally posted by timo

Reflecting upon the schoolboyish fun and games we had with frogs, someone should stick a giant straw up Goody's bottom and blow her up until she bursts.

Rather you than me, timo.

 

The blowback on that could be horrendous.

[Damon]

Originally posted by DanSumption

The blowback on that could be horrendous.

 

I like that deliciously placed 'could'. Implying that blowing up Jade Goody via the anus until she bursts might possibly not be horrendous.

[nick2]

Originally posted by timo

Reflecting upon the schoolboyish fun and games we had with frogs, someone should stick a giant straw up Goody's bottom and blow her up until she bursts.

 

Some kind of industial air compressor would be required, though a foot pump does open the door to a doubly delicious spectacle of her blowing herself up.

 

It would take a long time I bet, but as Gene Wilder said in Willy Wonka and the chololate factory, "The suspence is unbearable.....I hope it lasts"

[Lightninboy]

Ok, here goes!

Shane Ritchie........deserves to have his leg amputated and be hit repeatedly with the flappy end till unconcious.....wait till he comes round, then beat him again. Sometimes a slap just ain't enough!

Jamie Cullum, dwarf like piano playing monkey boy, seen at the opening of an envelope or any other event. The fun that Spitting Image would have with him!!! Big Slap!

"Top Chef" (T*ss chef more like) Richard Corrigan and his other "foodie" chums from the dreadful BBC "Full on Food"......Full on Slap more like!!! http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/tv_and_radio/fullonfood_about.shtml

Mark LaMarr, once funny when being the whipping boy but now just annoys me to the point of wanting a current yokozuna Sumo wrestler to administer a large a forceful backhander.

Dean Gaffney (Robbie from Eastenders)....slap him sooooo hard it may even make him more ugly than he already is. Pond Life incarnate.

Vinnie Jones, trick him (wont be hard) to slap himself very very very hard. Then run into the path of oncoming traffic on any one of our fine automotive routes.

George W. Bush, his mum, his dad and all his immeadiate family...no explanation needed.

Whew!!!!! Glad got that over and done with, more to follow later.

[DanSumption]

Originally posted by Lightninboy

Mark LaMarr, once funny when being the whipping boy but now just annoys me to the point of wanting a current yokozuna Sumo wrestler to administer a large a forceful backhander.

Nah, let's not slap Mark, he used to have the best ever radio show on GLR. Plus I used to get all his emails (honest!) - he used to write a column on a magazine I once worked for (G-Spot) but, having long since left to seek greater fame, all his emails ended up in my lap as I was "sysadmin". I used to read them all, and subsequently get into some interesting conversations with Lamarr fans and detractors.

 

Originally posted by Lightninboy

Dean Gaffney (Robbie from Eastenders)....slap him sooooo hard it may even make him more ugly than he already is. Pond Life incarnate.

He used to drink down my local (The Anglers in Teddington). I believe his skin condition has cleared up a little since then, but surely any kind of Gaffney slapping punishment has to end up with him drowning in a puddle of his own face-pus?

[Fareast]

Sorry , I don't have time to check all the postings at the moment but has anyone mentioned that Queen of Deservable Slaps in the Kisser , the one and only ......please step forward.................

Esther Ratshead !!

With her smug knowing little quips , her childish delight at producing carrots that looked like willies for our edification and her professional compassion that looked as sincere as False Face in Batman , she , of all people deserves to be thoroughly stung across the face repeatedly with a foul substance , wrapped in a tramp's unwashed underpants.

I'm sure sh's at least equal to the slimy Clive James for , "Smug S**t of the 20th. Century Award.

Incidentally , Timo , is there any way of organising a competition of some sort for the The Most Deserving Slapee ?

Perhaps we could have a male and female section ?

[Swan_Vesta]

I quite like the idea of subjecting the working end of Goody to a working end of a foot pump and seeing the porky face of the grotesque contort with agony as a tethered J-Lo is goaded with sharpened sticks until her temper tantrum foot stamping has stuck the pedal of the pump enough times to inflate Goody into some kind of horrible dirigible. One could use her inflated genitallia as some kind of makeship mooring to anchor her during inclemment weather.

 

We could sail the skies on our Goody dirigible issuing a multitude of slappings to the unworthy cretins who adorn our televisions. Imagine coming out of the sun, riding proud on our grotesque inflatable to issue a slapping to Ruth Maddox.

 

Nice.