Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[Bully_Beef]

Originally posted by Lightninboy

Jamie Cullum, dwarf like piano playing monkey boy, seen at the opening of an envelope or any other event. The fun that Spitting Image would have with him!!! Big Slap!

 

Heh heh! Cullum deserves to have the lid of his stupid piano repeatedly shut on his hands. Anyone who would release an album of limp pseudo-jazz-warbling, call it "Twentysomething", and be depicted on the cover wearing a suit and trainers should surely be forced to eat broken bottles till they repent.

 

Esther Ratshead !!

 

God yes. Why has this faux-sincere hang-dog sabre-toothed idiot not been brought to justice? I think I would slap myself in disgust if I were anything like this walking platitude.

[timo]

Many thanks to Swan Vesta, Bully Beef, Dan, dear old Nick 2, Abdul, Lightninboy etc for some excellent postings and fine, devilishly sadistic suggestions. I feel like the 'Daddy' character in a particularly warped episode of The League of Gentlemen, encouraging other posters to 'come to terms with' and unleash their darker sides. You impress me greatly, my children...

 

One reflects that Jade Goody is very probably the most deserving slapee in the whole grotesque menagerie of 'entertainment'. She epitomises the 'cult of celebrity' in our Lord Protector Blair's Cromwellian 'new', 'young' Britain, in which the most vulgar, educationally-subnormal, charmless genetic refuse can achieve fame and fortune simply by lewdly disporting themselves on television. Goody, of indeterminate sex and 'race', epitomises the slack-jawed, incurious 'new Briton' , living purely for pleasure yet lacking the will to please others. Big Brother [which I watched for anthropological reasons] is surely recreation for the base and more degraded members of society? Diversions of this sort, if we may give them such an appellation are not only a reproach to human nature, but a disgrace to civilisation and Christian country.

 

One of the very worse things about Goody is her tendency to never stop moving, like some dreadful, fat, writhing Lugworm. Her greatest crime, however, is her unseemly lubricity and sexualised behaviour. She is a hyperkinetic ball of sexual tension and offal. Stripping naked, she tearfully asked if she was a 'minger'. I do not know the answer to that, but I do know that condign revenge is required here. May I propose that Goody be slapped until all sensibility [the little that there is] leaves her, and then subjected to the medieval ordeal of Ducking Stool. One suggests the site be some foul, cess-pit along the lines of Blackburn Meadows, filled with putrid filth and stinking dung. How wonderful it would be to see the self-proclaimed 'Bermondsey Bird' emerge gasping and stenching, only to be ducked again and again. Oh! I feel a rush of pure joy!

[Lightninboy]

Jade Goody is Truly deserving of a righteous backhander, preferably with a medeival gauntlet clutched in the hand as well. (one of the iron types!) What is truly scary though is the fact that someone keeps mating with the minger and she pops out a sprog that one can only hope inherits the brains from the father! Another scary thing is that IMO the people that make her famous are us......one only has to look at the Big Brother thread elsewhere on here to see that we are indeed the creators of these "15-minute monsters".

 

Oh and Sean Connery for all the abysmal accents he's attempted and still manages to sound Scottish during everyone. " I am Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos and I bring you greetings Highlander" or..... "I am Marko Ramius, commander of the Red October and"...........SLAP!!!!!

[DanSumption]

Originally posted by Lightninboy

What is truly scary though is the fact that someone keeps mating with the minger and she pops out a sprog that one can only hope inherits the brains from the father!

What, brains enough to mate with the likes of Jade Goody? I hope not! Hmm, "Jade Goody", anagram = "Dad Ego Joy".

 

Originally posted by Lightninboy

Another scary thing is that IMO the people that make her famous are us......one only has to look at the Big Brother thread elsewhere on here to see that we are indeed the creators of these "15-minute monsters".

Yeah, I blame timo and his "anthropological reasons". It's not exactly as if Jade Goody's anthropomorphic.

[StarSparkle]

Originally posted by DanSumption

What, brains enough to mate with the likes of Jade Goody? I hope not! Hmm, "Jade Goody", anagram = "Dad Ego Joy".

 

 

Yeah, I blame timo and his "anthropological reasons". It's not exactly as if Jade Goody's anthropomorphic.

 

Well, if you're going to blame Timo, I'd better put my hand up and admit that I too have watched "Big Brother" for 'anthropological reasons'. Unfortunately, that excuse doesn't seem to be holding much water anymore - in fact, I think it sank without trace some time ago.....

 

StarSparkle

[timo]

Re my 'anthropological reasons' excuse, okay, I was fibbing. I watched in morbid, horrified fascination to be honest. I had been virtually begged to watch Big Brother by friends who knew how much I would love to hate Goody and her fellow social lepers, hobbledehoys, trollops and gurning fools. The contestants, and particularly Goody, absolutely disgusted me. I recall one occasion when a tribe of Goody's nightmarish relatives were chanting 'Bermondsey Bird' over and over again in support of their moronic, waddling Jade. I cannot even begin to express the contempt this horrible spectacle induced.

 

Is Jade actually made up of spare body parts? Her face looks like a cast of the 'Crazy Frog', her genitalia [revealed when she disrobed] is definately deformed, her arms have a plastic-y look and are different lengths, her hair looks like wool, her eyes may be glass, and her bottom is probably made of rubber. Has Palitoy claimed responsibility for her yet?

[DanSumption]

Hmm, timo also seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Jade's genitalia. Again, I detect a fascination somewhat akin to that engendered by a car crash.

[Lightninboy]

Especially for timo

http://www.myvillage.co.uk/pages/celebs-jadegoody.htm

 

Looks like everyone has already given her a good slapping!!!!

[Swan_Vesta]

I was consumed by an almost Pavlovian reaction to strike the screen when I just clicked on Lightninboy's link.

 

Does anyone know who the blonde woman (slightly ala Gillian Mckeith but with a bit more meat on her) who reads the news on Look North is? She's worthy of a slap - I can't abide her near monotone, droning voice and her twitchy. birdlike head movements.

 

I can imagine her in a post coital scenario leaning over to whisper words of intimacy to her partner and them seeing the light and finally being repulsed as she spasmodically jerks her head while saying "Mmmmm, that was lovely" in her nasty, droning robotic voice.

 

I'd have to leap out of the wardrobe, issue a slap, shimmy down the drain pipe and then untie the genitallia moorings to escape on my Goody dirigible.

[lovabulrogue]

My top 20 in no particular order..

 

1. The Mother from Bread.

2. Neil Warnock

3. Neil Morrisey

4. Brian Dowling

5. Ally McCoist

6. Elton John

7. Pete Docherty from Babyshambles/Libertines

8. Nina Myscow

9. Vanessa Feltz

10. Danny Moon from Eastenders

11. Will Smith

12. Chris Moyles

13. Richard Madeley

14. Dale Winton

15. Jack Osbourne

16. Kelly Osbourne

17. Timmy Mallet

18.Wayne Sleep

19.Michael Jackson

20. The twin brothers on the car insurance advert (urrggghhh) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!