Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[lovabulrogue]

I have more. My list changes daily depending on which side of the bed I get out of.

 

1. Jude Law

2. Phil Neville

3. Gary Neville

4. The entire cast of Eastenders, particularly that Dennis bloke, with his over acting, flared nostrils and the way he grinds his molar teeth.

5. Brian Sewell (I know people will agree with that)

6. Jade Goody

7. Wayne Rooney (although it has obviously been done a few million times already, with an Anvil !)

8. Dick N Dom

9. Posh Spice

10. Chris Eubank.

 

I feel better now.

[Swan_Vesta]

Can we not stick an anti slap preservation order on Brian Sewell? He's so awful but I love him! He's so scathing and offensive to the luvvies who so desperately need to at least try to sample reality that he wins my award for disservices against namby pamby, foppish luvvie-dahhlings.

[feargal]

I'm with Swan_Vesta on the Sewell issue. We need him to use as a yardstick - not hit him with one. He's a fine measure of slappability, and should remind us just how shockingly entertaining annoying people can be.

[timo]

Sewell possesses a most slappable visage, that much cannot be denied. However, his knowledge of art is superb and his vituperative attacks upon those who would exhibit their filthy, condom-strewn beds, absurd variations upon taxidermy, testicles, nipples, rima and foreskins etc as 'art' [in the latter case, often as a pretentious attempt at intimate self-portraiture, or variation on 'the speaking likeness'] means that the slap must be delivered softly, ironically, and with great affection.

 

Sewell forever endeared himself to me with his Evening Standard attacks upon 'the new priesthood' of art; the wretched Nicholas Serota, and the quangos of the Tate and Arts Council, who seem to prefer the evidence of emptied bowels and bladder to beautiful art. We need Sewell because his is a brave voice against the 'experts' and self-appointed arbiters of taste and patronage who decide what shall be seen and subsidised and exported. They are, at present, a bunch of frauds, pseuds, failures and incompetents. Sewell's rather pompous expression may occasionally irritate, and his plummy vowels alienate some, but nevertheless he has far more in common with the bulk of the population than the freaks and grotesques of the Arts Council. Long may he continue to savage these fatuous Tomfools and the 'conceptual' bilge they force upon us.

[LordSnooty]

Originally posted by Swan_Vesta

Can we not stick an anti slap preservation order on Brian Sewell?

 

I too am a 'Sewell lover'. I do not wholeheartedly agree with his (entertainingly argued) 'all contemporary art is crap' position - there are a few exceptions - but I love his vocal delivery and cast-iron conviction. I also feel he has a tremendous sense of humour and is quite capable of 'playing it up' a bit when the occasion demands, always to great effect. We should be forming a queue to shake his hand, not slap him.

 

As for Bridget Jones?? Do fictional characters count in the slappability stakes? If so, I'd like to force-feed Shaggy from Scooby-Doo an overdose of 'Scooby snacks', then reverse over him a few times with the 'mystery machine'. The coup de grace would be delivered on the roller-coaster in the disused amusement park. I'd 'lash' (there's no other word) him to the front of one of those little car thingies, fill it with dynamite, light the fuse, pull the lever, then retire to a safe distance and wait for the 'big bang'. Then it would be Fred and Thelma's turn, then the rest of them. Then everything by Hanna-Barbera, except Josie and the Pussycats, for obvious reasons.

 

Can I just say I think Renee Zellwhateverhernameis is rather lovely, especially when larded up a bit for Bridget Jones. MMMmummy!!

[Bully_Beef]

LordSnooty,

I agree, I quite like Renee Thingy as Bridget Jones (too skinny the rest of the time) , especially when you get a good view of her arse as she slides down the fireman’s pole (oo-er!)

 

As for your punishments to the Scooby-Doo gang, you could probably get away with it……

 

……if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

[LordSnooty]

I love girls bottoms.

[timo]

I must say that I agree with Bully Beef and Lord S re Renee's generous bottom. SlimSid has liberated us all with his landmark 'I love girls bottoms' thread. We no longer have to pretend to be 'breast men'. We are proud to declare our worship of the well rounded, female derriere. I would certainly like to administer 'six of the best' to Renee's broad, firm backside, and one around the chops of the whinging,' Bridget ' character for dear old Swan Vesta too.

 

I would extend Lord Snooty's Scooby Doo theme to Scooby himself. All that 'rrooby roo' business serves to irritate a chap, even a Bull Terrier owner like myself. After slapping Scooby's mongrel features, I would either bind the mutt to a post and 'enter to quarry' my own Bull Terrier bitch, 'Tallie', or perhaps deliver the annoying, barking beggar to a Korean Restaurant. The idea of those Japanese 'pet chutes' appeals greatly too. The Japanese, ever enterprising, have installed chutes on certain city streets for one to rid oneself of turbulent pets. How I would love to hurl Scooby down such a tunnel.

 

May God forgive me for starting this evil thread. I wish that I was a good man...

[LordSnooty]

You are not evil, Timo. God will forgive you............

 

Hey, since we are allowed to nominate cartoon characters, how about going one stage er, nearer and include men dressed in animal suits? As a child, I was forbidden to watch ITV (and eat margarine) because it was, according to my mother, 'common'. It was at a friend's house, then, that I was first exposed to the full horror of 'Animal Crackers' - or was it 'Animal Kwackers'?

Whatever it was, it was abysmal, amateurish and really rather terrifying. There was a lion dressed in buccaneer garb (Rory, I think his name was) who, surely, was conceived by a covert child molester as a sick joke. I'd like to give the entire line-up of Animal Crackers, or Kwackers, a resounding kwack - I'm sorry, that's 'crack' over the head with a kwicket - oh dear, I mean 'cricket' bat.

 

*****.

[timo]

Another candidate for a severe, full force 'leathering' is ex-jailbird purveyor of 'nonce pop', Jonathan King. I hate King for a very personal reason. He has been responsible for a great many, profoundly irritating records in his time [under various guises] not the least of which is the appalling 'Loop Di Love' for example. However, he wrote one rather sweet song called 'Everyone's Gone to the Moon', which my dear late father used to sing in the sixties. It brings back, or rather used to bring back, cherished memories of my father's pleasing baritone hopelessly at odds with the lyrics, yet strangely tear-jerking. Now, we know that King was a 'fiddler', a 'naughty mester' in Sheffield parlance, and my memory of the song is tainted as a result. One imagines King in prison, on 'special rules' singing, 'Everyone Wants me to Moon' rather than the original.

 

So, let us slap, slap , slap away at the wretched visage of Jonathan King, celebrity, musical entertainer and 'nonce'.