Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[Memphis Bell]

I forgot someone

 

Now i know they are all highly irritating form this particular group but i feel that 'H' from steps deserves highlighting.

 

He really is a cheese fest of the highest degree and i just can't bear to see his little smug, white toothed grin.

 

I thought that i had managed to sucessfully erase him form my memory, but it seems that there is a clone of him, the blonde haired kid who reads out the daily play lottery results on uk gold.

 

Not only does he deserve a slap or ten for reminding me of the hideuos 'H', he also merits one for his own actions.

 

He says 'free' instead of 'three'.

 

now i am not having a go at anyone with a speech impediment, this is different. This is just lazy, its not that he can't pronounce his R's its the simple fact that he can't be bothered to speak properly.

 

Its not even to do with accents, i have quite a strong yorkshire accent and i don't speak 'the queen's English' but i feel that this is different. This is just laziness.

Plus he has got one of those terrible sort of highlighted mullet affairs.

 

i would like to pluck each one of his sculpured hairs from his head one by one.

[timo]

Hello dear hearts. Just a brief reappearance on 'the greatest thread ever', in between 'holidays'. Lord Chaverly [such a very excellent person] will be delighted to hear that I do indeed return as Magister Ludi. It would be an affront to modesty to disclose exactly what I had to do to earn the title, but suffice to say, it is surely mine forever. Thankyou, my dear, loyal Chaverly for the staunch support you provided in defending the good name of 'Timo' in my absence. It will be remembered. As Prince-Elect of the forum, I regard your postings as an ever-flowing fountain of wisdom, good humour, courtesy and sanity.

 

Dan 'Know All' Sumption's amusingly predictable attempt to pathologise my motives for posting is wide of the mark. Sorry to disappoint you, Danny Boy, but I had a lovely, idylic childhood spent in between Sheffield and my parents' second home in the Lincolnshire countryside. My childhood does not explain the vituperative majesty of my postings on this thread. However, it may go some way towards explaining my paleo conservatism. With a happy childhood of love, security and good things to eat behind me, why should I not fear change? By the way, Aunt Marion really exists, and is in reality a wonderful lady with a great sense of humour. The posting you quote is mere good-natured persiflage, intended to make her chuckle merrily. She has viewed the posting, logging in as a guest. In truth, one could not have a nicer Aunt, and the content of the posting was purely comic invention [from the refusal of medical aid and the gifts of 'dog chocolate' Easter eggs on her side , to the drunken telephone abuse and hoax bomb threats on mine], save for my infamous deflation of Uncle Derek's car tyres. In the latter case, you will be pleased to know that I was slapped on the legs, sent to my room and not allowed to 'stay up' to watch Appointment with Fear. Distressing for a twenty eight year old.

 

Re slapping, one 'new' candidate springs to mind; the ludicrous, 'cheap as chips' tv presenter, David Dickinson. The man looks as if he has been marinaded in tea, and his features suggest racial chaos. Looking as closely as I could bear to, I examined a photograph of Dickinson on the front of that organ of gravitas and erudition, The Southport Champion recently. He has just opened the flower show here , and his inane, insincere, joyless smile beams out at one. Dickinson appears, phenotypically, to be a hybrid of several major races and sub-races covering four continents. The major strain is, one conjectures, the Atlanto-Mediterranean sub-race, but one also spots fleeting traces of West African [possibly Ibo or Yoruba], Pathan, possibly Italian, maybe a dash of Han Chinese, certainly the Dinarid strains of the Balkans, and I will wager Roma [gypsy] admixture. From this bizarre, chaotic mix has emerged a true grotesque on par with the absurd Sir Jimmy Saville. Dickinson possesses no broadcasting talent whatsoever, has never said anything funny or clever in his life, has the dress sense of a blind imbecile, and oozes false sincerity like some oily, gravy-coloured version of Hughie Green. He should be slapped, full-force in the face until senseless, and repeatedly thrown ['leg and a wing' style] bodily down a steep flight of stone steps with his ludicrous catchphrase ringing in his ears.

 

See you later...

[mikeyspikey]

the whole of the osbourne family!!---they are just a bunch of foul mouthed sickos!!---ricky gervais who is just so unfunny its untrue and lets not forget those p------s,beckham & that ugly s-d rooney!!!

[timo]

The Osbourne family? One assumes you refer to the retarded kin of 'Ozzie' Osbourne, 'musical entertainer' and Cultural Attache for Birmingham? I agree entirely. The man himself is a drug-addled, immature, talentless wreck and his family are cartoon-like grotesques. Having said that, I feel slightly hypocritical. When a callow youth I owned several Black Sabbath albums, and even wrote 'Sabbath rule' on my school haversack. I thought they were 'heavy' and 'hip', which I suppose they were back in 1975. The problem is, Ozzie hasn't grown up, has he? The rest of the world has moved on, and he is stuck in a time-warp circa 30 years ago. Slap, slap, slap away with my blessings, mikey.

[feargal]

Can I offer a defence on Ozzy Osbourne's behalf? He's got a little badly drawn smiley face tattooed on each knee. That's worth a pardon I think.

 

Tell you what, let's slap Sting instead. The pompous eradicator of suffering and apparent saviour of all mankind's strangulated voice is like nails down a blackboard. Beat him.

[mikeyspikey]

yeah feargal i totally agree with you-- sting could do with more than a slap more of a punch really!---he really is a pompous,pretentious prat whos voice puts a "cat-a wow" to shame!!!

[saxon51]

Phil Tufnell, without guilt nor hesitation!!!

 

Close your eyes, picture his weasely features. Recall his manic, childlike giggle as he reacts to one of his own less-than-comic rejoinders.

 

Careful aim now.......

 

...slap, slap, slap...........thump!!!!

 

God, that feels better.

 

Go on, you have a go.

[mikeyspikey]

yeah!! forgot about that ferret tuffnell:thumbsup: ----heres another one id like to slap hard!--that that old antique david dickinson!!---oh and lets not forget old tefal head himself--sven goran errickson!!

[Bully_Beef]

"old tefal head himself" Poetry, Mikey. Poetry.

 

Thank you Feargal for making my day by nominating the most "earnest" man in pop, Sting. Or "Prick" as I prefer to call him.

 

Where would we all be without Prick's tireless concern for the planet's welfare? Imagine too a world without his sublimely bland songwriting; that MOR drivel filled with egotistical devices designed to show off his "musicality" (e.g. frequent and unnecessary changes of key and time signature etc.) Oh, and of course, let's not forget that he can have sex for 24 hours at a time.

 

Yes, a good, hard slapping for Sting, please. Followed immediately by another.

 

I'd also like to nominate Phil Collins - another peddler of bad dress-sense and infuriting prog-rock sincerity that only the 80s could have tolerated - for a good slapping, but perhaps not to the face; it seems almost unfair as there is so much of his face to aim for. It would be almost too easy. Ideally I would like to see him whacked repeatedly around his massive temples with a telephone receiver. Don't ask me why, it just strikes me as a comical image to see someone so pretentious being irritated and humiliated in such a petty and undignified way, his ragged mullet flailing this way and that as he incredulously tries to dodge the rain of hilariously noisy blows. Arf!

[Don_Kiddick]

anyone who's ever had anything to do with Big Brother.

either starring in, writing of, presenting, filming, broadcasting...

 

And as for the Tw@ who thought it up.

I have a nice shiny .303 titanium tipped shell with your name on