Who has the most slappable face in entertainment?

[JA5E]

Two words...David Jason!

[*vanessa*]

OK having read all 27 pages with my list in hand, I've now crossed of the ones already mentioned and this is what I have left

 

 

Antony Worral Thompson

 

Timmy Mallett.... a while ago but he still haunts me

 

Jane Macdonald - she who wants to be your best friend "duck" but can't sing

 

Sian lloyd,

 

Lisa Scott Lee (and indeed all of steps)

 

Anna Walker

 

Naomi Campbell

 

Billy connelly - as he is now , not as he was, he USED to be funny, now he just effs and blinds alot

 

Bob Geldof - he's got too full of himself - despite the good he might have done

 

Lizzie whats he face from Wife Swap

 

Jo "super nanny", someone needs to tell her its not nice - or hygenic- to wear the same clothes all of the time.

 

Phew I'm knackered now!

 

Vanessa

[DanSumption]

Originally posted by vjpearson

Timmy Mallett.... a while ago but he still haunts me

Brr, yes, haunts me as well. Timmy Mallett once made one of my friends throw himself off the balcony and nearly break his back. Some people might argue that the LSD may have had something to do with it, but personally I think it's criminally reckless to put Timmy Mallett on TV at a time in the morning when he might induce impressionable people nearing the end of an all-night drug trip to throw themselves off a balcony in order to get away from him and his chorus of little devils.

[Rich]

Originally posted by muddycoffee

I was unfortunate/fortunate enough to be breakfasting this morning in a place where they have the TV on in the morning and Mick Hucknall was on singing his latest song.

 

 

What the hell has happened to his face?

 

He was carrying on in front of the thick woman presenter as if he was the most gorgeous man who has ever walked the planet. But he has a swollen face with puffy eyes and stupid face hair which looks like he hasn't washed..

 

Either he's been on a 72 hour bender and sleeping on the pavement or someone has given him a right slapping, and they have covered it all up with makeup.

 

From what I have heard he has deserved a good hiding on many occasions the miserable mardy little freak!

 

What you expect? He's Mancunian! (From Manchester)

 

Note: Please don't take this seriously, it's just a joke.

[Pilon]

Anyone put Linda Barker yet?

[hagardriley]

Originally posted by Swan_Vesta

Quite easily Jade Goody. Her facial features looks like someone has skinned a prozac addled pig's face and then laid the flesh over a semi deflated rugby ball.

 

"I'm not a minger!" Yes you are and you deserve a slap

 

Spot on my friend, and those disgusting,surgically enhanced t--s!!!!!,........Jesus, how can anyone find that attractive, give me a superthin woman with a top measurement of (max) 32b anytime.

[jdgraham83]

richard gere, i hate that guy

[daverity]

Cilla Black:Although I’m a Scouser this woman needs slapping to within an inch of her life. Blind date? Yes please…….I’ll give her a surprise, surprise, slappin’ in fact is too good for this stupid, talentless, buck teethed bint!

 

Celine Dion: This woman is the anti-Christ of the music business and should have been made to drown on the Titanic, in fact she should have taken Chris de Burgh with her too! She has a voice that could upset a stomach, so perhaps forced amputation of her vocal chords for her, followed by the ubiquitous public slapping.

 

Winnie The Pooh:I know this might be a controversial choice, particularly with some of our younger members but this bear is so incredibly stupid. All he ever does is whinge and bitch about how much he wants his bloody honey, but the idiotic animal ought to realize by now that it's always where he left it. Tigger should get his own show as believe he is far more talented. Pooh needs just a bit of a slap (can’t be seen to be cruel to animals) and his P45.

 

Andrew Lloyd-Webber:I think that in the interests of medical science this slap-job must be perhaps exercised using a baseball bat or a well-aimed sand iron. I say medical science because it is possible that this hideous specimen may come out of his treatment with improved looks all round?

 

Stock, Aitken and Waterman:If ever there was a trio that deserved to have seven shades of sh*t knocked out of them then it's this set of tosspots. Their crime, subjecting the 80’s British public to the moronic sounds of Rick Astley, Mel & Kim, Kylie Minogue and Jason Donavan to name but a few. Plus Waterman was responsible for that inane rubbish ‘The Hit Man & Her’ which fouled our TV screens throughout the 80’s. I think that the three of them deserve the personal attention of our resident psychopath Uncle Harris with special attention given to Waterman.

 

 

Julie Burchill:I detest this fat, hypocritical, ugly and I use the term very guardedly, woman. She has the journalistic talent of a class of 6 year olds. The bright red lipstick she so abhorrently plasters over her disgusting lips should be used to draw a target on that ugly pasty-white punchable face of hers. She should then be made to lie down on the ground and used for practice shots with a 5 iron. Although others such as Uncle H can join in later, the first 200 or 300 swings I see as my civic duty to humanity.

 

Right just to throw one or two more into the pan:

Woody Allen-Comedian/ Comedy Writer under the trade description Act

Robin Williams under the same Act, no longer funny

Derek Akorah from Most Haunted or that should be Most Phoney

Janet Street-Porter to finish with please!

 

Can I please finally make a plea for clemency for Linda Barker. I know she’s annoying to a lot of people but I have found her best watched with the sound turned off, in fact for me it turns the programme into a sublimely *coughs* errm won’t go down that road! If I may be permitted could I personally administer any admonishment to her in private, a la Timo’s plans for Helen Mirren. I promise that she would get a thoroughly well-deserved makeover (Pwhoarrrrr)

[timo]

Daverity,

What a splendid cove you are! An excellent list, scoring high marks for vituperation, sheer animal sadism and condign revenge. I shall raise a glass to you, my Liverpudlian friend, whilst quaffing and imbibing in the convivial company of my entourage at the Philharmonic pub in your city of origin this very evening.

[daverity]

Originally posted by timo

Daverity,

What a splendid cove you are! An excellent list, scoring high marks for vituperation, sheer animal sadism and condign revenge. I shall raise a glass to you, my Liverpudlian friend, whilst quaffing and imbibing in the convivial company of my entourage at the Philharmonic pub in your city of origin this very evening.

 

Timo coming from such an accomplished forummer as your good self I thank you for your appreciation of this list. May I congratulate you on an excellent choice of hostelry for tonight's excursion to my city, I'm sure you will enjoy it.

 

This thread has been a major source of mirth with my colleagues during the course of this morning and has meant that little has been produced workwise, save lists of celebrities that they wish to see duly slapped.

One wag, who shall remain nameless, has suggested that perhaps with such an impressively reprehensible list of candidates now available after 27 pages, that slapping is perhaps a tad mundane. His suggestion, alluding slightly to your references to the Japanese Kempei Tai, is that we introduce a new version of 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. Set in the Burmese jungle, this show would involve these candidates having to build a railway from the Thai border to the Indian border whilst having to survive on rations amounting to no more than 150 calories a day.

I personally thought it may be slightly harsh on some of the proposed contestants but I am sure that we could start with a few hundred just to see how it goes. I would naturally love to see members of my list there from the start, together with all Big Brother Contestants past and present, the producer, director, production staff and all of their families. I said that I would forward his suggestion to you and Hannibal eagerly awaits your decision.

Just one last thing, any decision yet on the clemency plea for Miss Barker?