Nah then folks, during the 60s..

[zakes]

When young Zakes was young he ate as much spice as he could get his hands on. Everything tasted so good, he hadn't any particular favorite, he loved 'em all. Pear drops, bazooka bubble gum (wrapped in a cartoon), chocolate cigarettes (with edible paper), everlasting strip, traffic light lollies, apple tarts, apple jacks, sour apples, satin cushions, liquorice sticks, spangles, treets, poppets, opal fruits, spanish gold, tiffin bar, toffo, mint toffo, beechnut, fruit salad, mint imperials and gobstoppers.......and that was just for breakfast!!! Young Zakes loved lovely jubbly made by tip top (?). This orange ice was inside a strange tri-triangular shaped carton. It could take a full afternoons sucking to finish a lovely jubbly off. Young Zakes used to crash his lovely jubbly against a wall several times then proceed to suck out the delightful orange mush from within. Young Zakes observed that most lovely jubbly suckers seemed to be girls, and thought it would hold them in good stead for later in life......um.

[zakes]

PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH PERSONAL DETAILS LUVVY.

 

During school holidays 1966 a different mate of the day (sacked the other mate because he fancied my fave girl at school L.S.) and me were playing togger (footy) kicking a plastic world cup willy football against garage doors as hard as possible for sound effect to rankle the neighbours. We had been at it for three hours or so and were getting a feeling of tedium, but that changed with the arrival of Fletchers bread delivery van. The driver tooted the horn and within three minutes fifty seven women came from all directions to the van to buy his wares and no doubt to give him the once (or twice) over too. These women were of different shapes and sizes, some fat some thin, some tall some small, some smart, some not so smart some in cardigans (with elbows worn out) and some in crisp white blouses with daintily pleated grey mini skirts (Oh! Yeah!!), even some with curlers in their hair. Strange thing was, they all were beslippered some with them horrid looking bobbles over the toe part! After the stampede was over the delivery man stepped from his vehicle and suggested having a kick-a-bout with us. We played one touch passing much enjoyed by us three, but it all eventually came to an end. This nice Fletchers Mester then offered us some buns, we got a vanilla slice each and a pair of eccles cakes. I didnt like eccles cakes because inside looked like two thousand dead flies squeshed together. All day after that we tried to get more freebies from other people selling their goodies, we badgered......Gillots bread man, Rington's tea man, Davenport drinks home deliveries man, the Avons Calling lady, ice cream dealers Manfredi, Mr. Softie, Mr. Whippy, Walls, Cuneos, Ronskley's, Taggy's, Granelli, Sanella, Joes, we even tried a door to door salesman and the Prudential bloke all to no avail. Bonus was......No thick ear that day...... YEAH!!...

[zakes]

CARTER LODGE SCHOOL &LEISURE TIME

 

Below is a list of some people who were fortunate to have had dealings with my good self during my Hackenthorpe da(ze)ys 1959 - 1965. (Birley Spa Junior School uncluded). First the bullies: Mr Croft, Mr Ro(d)gers, Mr (Noddy) Fretwell, Mr Curzon, Mr Morgan (plays the organ, and he plays it rather crammy, and his sister's got a pimple in the middle of her......), Mr Kirk (trunt), Mr Feinburg, (and his missus), Miss Gaunt (looked it too), can't recall others. I was in Pegasus House. Now for the better persons = Gary Fordham, Georgina George, Richard Harrison, John Fairey, Steve Ludlam, Gus Wilson, Kenny Glossop, Peter Gle(a)dhill, Stuart Sunderland, Geoff Gudgeon, Ken Gudgeon, Lorna Bagley, Gus Clifford, June Clifford, Steve Pollard, Chris Dalton, Julie Guy, Paul Muscroft, Linda Guy, David Hodgson, Daryl Stocks, Ken Sayles, Stuart White, Tony Lock, Ian Scandrett, Trevor West, Peggy Billard, Jean Cotton (lovely), Hatch brothers, Graham Wareham, Smee Brothers, June Tween, Susan Burgin (fancied that one), Terry Cosgrove, Mrs Varty, Dr Pagdin (sorted out my whooping cough, mumps, german measles, rickets, diphtheria, cholera, malaria, canker, shingles, elephantiasis, gout, leprosy, syphillis, VD, and blob ont kn_b), cheers Doc. Sorry, the ones i forgotted (people not illnesses), it's been 45 years at least. Ugh......

[zakes]

DECREASING TIMES.

 

Brat Zakes didn't go to church on Sundays in 1967, instead he called at the homes of school mates. This he did every seventh day as redler as clockwork. Brat Zakes specially called on those he knew wouldn't come out to play because if they did, it would spoil brat Zake's norty plan. The idea was to call at homes where the best looking mothers and big sisters lived in the hope one of them could answer the knock. When mums or big sis opened the door and heard brat Zake's request they would turn to call the schoolmate and brat Zakes would get a perfect view of a well turned ankle or two and one of those delightful creases (lines) only to be found behind female knees. These creases are as unique as finger prints, and of stripes upon a tiger's body, no two sets are alike. Brat Zakes was devastated when women did the man thing and started to wear trousers, but that had it's compensations. So ladies, watch out when you are reaching to the low shelves in the shop or when crouching down to check your tea towels in the BOTTOM drawer!......Um.

[zakes]

THE SECRET OF THE FUTURE'S NEVER TOLD.

 

Mum Zakes and Junior Zakes left their home on Carter Lodge Drive on a very foggy weekday morning in the year 1962. Junior Zakes aged 8, was in unhealth again, this time his problems were threefold, apraxia, aural haematoma and swollen aglets. They were off to see Dr. Pagdin at his surgery on Beighton Rooad but first had to do a detour to Church Lane to see if Mum Zakes could find some buttons on the pavement outside Singleton's factory. She successfully found 57 multi coloured buttons of various sizes and pocketed them pretty sharpish. Mum and Junior Zakes arrived at Dr. Pagdin's place of work, pushed open the squeaking gate, walked along the garden path (Junior Zakes took note of the fruit trees for future reference) then they slipped into the house. The hallway smelt nicely of fresh floor and wood polish. Mum Zakes turned the brass door knob to gain entry to the waiting room dragging Junior Zakes with her. They both were met with a thicker fog than the one outside, everyone in the packed out room were smoking. Junior Zakes saw a classmate in the second row greedily puffing on a pipe made from an acorn shell and reeded grass and he had a packet of St. Bruno peering out of the top pocket of his school blazer. 17 men were smoking cigars or plain fags like Capstan, Parkies and Woodies, and 9 women were avidly drawing on tipped (filter) ciggies. Even the receptionist had a Cuban (cigar, not Fidel) in her generous mouth. Mum Zakes also joined in by lighting up a senior service flip. 57 choking minutes later Junior Zakes was called in to see the doctor and was asked to take off his new grey duffle coyt and his shirt but was allowed to keep on his brand new second hand string vest. Standing there in his string vest Junior Zakes looked like an asparagas tarzan, his muscles were like knots on cotton. The cold stethoscope wasn't warm by any means but Junior Zakes obeyed the in out, in out instructions and answered in the negative to the how many do you smoke a day enquiry. Three minutes shy of one hour later Mum Zakes along with Junior Zakes were ambling through Main Street. They passed the Blue Bell Battle Cruiser, then level with the Sportsman passed pleasantries with the Watson's who ran that pub, they had been feeding the gaggle of geese who were housed behind the building. Mum and Junior Zakes gave a brief salute to Mr. Howard who was busy outside his cycle shop repairing a puncture on village bobby Disney's bike (he didn't receive acknowledgement). Finally Mum and Junior Zakes arrived at the apothecary. Dr. Pagdin had given Junior Zakes good news regarding his three illnesses, but had given him a prescription because whilst at the surgery Junior Zakes had developed a chronic smokers cough!! Ugh...

[Joto]

zakes I can't wait for the next installment, reading this as certainly made me laugh. You should write a book of your adventures, you'd need an editor mind.

[zakes]

TREAD IN A SQUARE YOU MARRY A BEAR.

 

Their lips met in a wild passionate kiss, then she crossed her legs and nearly snapped his neck!!

Aware Zakes had become aware of those girls who made of sugar and spice and all things nice, and that butter melted in their mouths, but most of these girls were like Aware Zake's football team, in that they promised a lot but delivered nothing!! Aware Zakes remembers when he and two other lads from his class at Birley school were invited impromptu by a girl and two other lasses from the same class to one of them there Hassall Houses on the Weakland Estate that had just been newly built. Aware Zakes and the other lads from class punctually arrived on time rubbing their hands in delight or maybe to warm them up for what was hopefully to come. We were allowed admittance, the lights were then turned low, we paired off and some serious french kissing and some very serious canoodling ensued. Due to reasons of censorship it would be best to curtail this memory right NOW!!... Ugh...

 

P.S To avoid embarrassment and the divorce courts your secret is safe with me. So just relax Lynn, Lesley and Julie.

[algy]

Hackenthorpe. 1961 - 62 was the time i arrived at Birley Spa Junior Schooel much to their pleasure (i think). Having just left Rainbow Forge Infants (pond with goldfish and lotus leaves) i was ready for a fresh challenge and to meet new pals. Feeling confident having mastered Janet&John, Chicken Licken etc i stepped forth.

 

seeing the names :janet & john: brings back memorys. i have 3 boys under 10 and would love to get hold of some books from the janet & john series, to show them what their dad learnt from at school. if anyone knows where any copys can be obtianed from, please let me know.

 

Available from Amazon. Just do a book search for Janet and John. Ignore the stray entries for Wogan!)

[zakes]

TREAD ON A LINE YOU MARRY A SWINE

 

The darkness was looming so we decided to get weaving. We were softly threading a zig zag path toward a certain garden in the Cotleigh sector of Hackenthorpe. This botanic paradise had come to the attention of Zakes during a previous daring adventure in the area some 57 moons ago. The warm weather had arrived and with it the scrumping season had also come upon us. It was June in the year of 1964 that Zakes and his two pals (Brave pal and Yitten pal) agreed to completely denudate the garden of it's strawberry crop. The Yitten pal was to play the part of sentinel and to give us a quick but audible pssst pssst if any whistle blower should appear on the scene. Zakes and Brave pal dressed in dark garb had begun to crawl through the thick thorny hawthorn hedge and within 57 seconds found themselves inside the garden. They continued to crawl sidewinder style through the marrow be, then left of the cucumber patch, past the pumpkins on the right of the goose gog bushes that were 2 ells in front of the strawberries situated by the coconut trees west of the cactusses! Zakes and Brave pal rested for a moment or two, heard no warning from Yitten pal so continued to forge ahead finally reaching their target. They both became aware of a fluttering sound in the strawberry patch and realised a bird was caught up in the net protecting the said fruit. Closer inspection revealed the bird to be a shytehawk. Zakes quickly reached into his trouser pocket on the right and withdrew a Swiss army knife that was made by Almsley & Co. of Sheffield and promptly began to cut the netting to free the freetened bird. Three seconds short of a minute later the bird was freed and it scampered away without a word of thanks (why do i bother?). Zakes and Brave pal were much angered by the house (garden) holder who had put the netting there because the bird must have struggled for some hours because it was already dark and it is a well known fact that shytehawks return to their nests long before the close of the day. Zakes and Brave pal held a short whispered confab and it was decided that there was not going to be strawberry shortcake for tea tomorrow because the strawbs were to be used for another purpose. They intently picked two generous handfuls each then swiftly approached the living room window of the house with the light on and from a distance of nine feet or it might have been three yards proceeded to bombard the pane with juicy strawberries which offered a perfect colour match with the red velvet curtains hanging within! In retreat the red handed two made sure to wreak as much as havoc as possible, so the egg plants were trampled along with the aubergines. Arriving on the safe side of the hawthorn hedge Zakes and Brave pal discovered that Yitten pal had already skedaddled!...Ugh.

[zakes]

NOT QUITE SALAD DAYS

 

Some of Zakes' friends from Birley School treated their homes like hotels. These lads (and some lasses) would return home from swimming, football, the pictures, ten pin bowling, scrumping, bike riding, conkering, bird nesting, kite fling, bulrushing (good for dusting ceiling lampshades), manking, or straight from school. Instead of eating the wholesome meal provided by mums that could quite possible be roast pork with trimmings, or maybe roast beef with trimmings or it could well be something delicious like roast lamb with trimmings too. They would demand alphabet spaghetti, beans on toast or something like egg, bacon, sausage, mushrooms with tomatoes and fried bread smothered under a massive splodge of brown sauce. Of course their obsequious mothers would grant their wishes, and by doing so it would encourage these spoilt brats to continue acting like......well yeah......spoilt brats! If Zakes would have wanted that type of life he would of had to trade in his mother for another one because she certainly didn't put up with these sort of demands, and if Zakes would have tried he'd have caught a 'fourpenny one' for sure! In Zakes' household it was a case of tea on the table at 5 o'clock, who's there gets and and who's late or not there will receive nowt (not even warmed up later)! However Zakes' mother did make exotic meals like turnip, spuds and carrots mashed up together with a morsel of fatty tripe or cow heel on the side without splodge! Now and again Zakes would pal up with one of the lads in class and play subbuteo, tiddlywinks, dibs and such like games at the lads house until it was tea time, then Zakes would be invited by a kind well turned ankled mother to tuck into a plate of beans on toast, with a massive splodge too!......Yum.