Jabberwocky Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 I, at my special scientific facility have invented a state of the art machine called a 'gormlessometer' (this of course is retro engineered from the gormometer found at the site of the 1947 Roswell incident) It's calibrated to even measure microgorms and when fully up and running will even measure nanogorms! Maybe your O/H could be used as a guinea pig for calibration purposes? Y`see, the Roswell aliens must have suffered from bad cases of gormlessness to have flown 53 light years without incident only to be grounded by a fly spatting on their whindscreen. I mean, a million years ahead of us and they didnt have washers or wipers! Opening that side window to lean around the front to wipe away the fly with a chamois was BOUND to end in disaster! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greavsy Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 My mum is totally gormless..... I asked her to ring my cousin to ask something important...she rang for a taxi and started going 'Who's ordered that bloooody taxi, it keeps beeping' after 10 mins of it still being outside my house I decided to check dialled numbers and yes she'd rang RCA. Then I wanted my dog micro-chipping so I asked her to ring the vets to book an appointment but before this she'd asked me what I wanted for tea so I said some kind of chicken. So she rang the vets up and went 'Hiya, I wonder if you could tell me how much micro chicken is please?' She walked upto the meat counter in Sainsburys and asks for 'Charcoal Chicken' think she meant Chargrilled Chicken. Another time is when we were in Florida last year she was in a ride queue telling people how good her 'Air Conditioned Shoes' were and wondered why people were looking at her weird. Then we got on a ride and she went 'Oh god I don't like these stimulators'...I think she meant simulator. There is way to many to mention but she deserves 2 of these collars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Y`see, the Roswell aliens must have suffered from bad cases of gormlessness to have flown 53 light years without incident only to be grounded by a fly spatting on their whindscreen. I mean, a million years ahead of us and they didnt have washers or wipers! Opening that side window to lean around the front to wipe away the fly with a chamois was BOUND to end in disaster! Hate to correct you Jabbers as you're the fountain of all wisdom (apart from me of course) In 1947 people were obsessed with UFO's and they chucked things like wheel rims and frizbees into the air to photograph them claiming they were UFO's. The roswell incident was caused by some scroat chucking a pie tin into the air (yes you've guessed it .... fray Bentos steak and kidney pie!) which unfortunately and at massive odds against, crashed into said real UFO causing gravy to to disperse itself over aforementioneds windscreen. No windscreen wiper wether alien or from Halfords could withstand that sort of assault! The rest is history (please will someone reply to my post on 'I'm bored' as I've not had a single hit) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabberwocky Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 My OH used to work in a cafe and they also sold sweets and crisps and stuff, and one day a lady came in and asked for a Bag of Salt and vinegar crisps, a can of coke and a Toffee crisp. The OH passed the coke and the Salt and vinegar crisps to the customer then went into the back of the shop to the stock room... had a look around and went back into the shop and said to the customer `Im terribly sorry, we dont have any toffee flavoured crisps in stock today`. Yes, thats the sort of thing I have to put up with on a day to day basis. Now you know why I`m cracked in da bonce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mort Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Is gormlessness on the increase or are we just forgetting great gormlessness of the past? I think the media have a lot to blame in this, remember Benny from Crossroads - now there was a benchmark standard for gormless. Wit..? They have wit...? Damn I never noti.... Damn... wheres the delete key? QUICK BEFORE THEY SEE THAT!!!!! Too late buster, you're on the radar again now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabberwocky Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Too late buster, you're on the radar again now. It woz not me, I woz framed y`r onour! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabberwocky Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Hate to correct you Jabbers as you're the fountain of all wisdom (apart from me of course) In 1947 people were obsessed with UFO's and they chucked things like wheel rims and frizbees into the air to photograph them claiming they were UFO's. The roswell incident was caused by some scroat chucking a pie tin into the air (yes you've guessed it .... fray Bentos steak and kidney pie!) which unfortunately and at massive odds against, crashed into said real UFO causing gravy to to disperse itself over aforementioneds windscreen. No windscreen wiper wether alien or from Halfords could withstand that sort of assault! The rest is history (please will someone reply to my post on 'I'm bored' as I've not had a single hit) Bear in mind that the Roswell incident happened in 1947 and the West was pretty skint after fighting so theres a good chance that pie tin throwing people were the last line of defence should a Communist attack occur. As is known, warfare material passes to the general population after a while, things like microwaves and teflon and stuff like that so the humble frizbee which evolved from the pie tin could have its origins in the cold war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Womerry2 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 The OH despises steak and kidney with a passion and... I ate the Chicken and mushroom one... . This is neither gormless nor "a simple mistake", but a prime example of extreme cunning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabberwocky Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 This is neither gormless nor "a simple mistake", but a prime example of extreme cunning! Thats what she keeps saying! The only cunning I`m capable of is the Baldrick kind! I`m totally innocent! Honest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Womerry2 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Yeah, right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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