Divorced/Separated Parents, access.

[CHEZZFAYE]

i would like to put in the point of the children that are abondoned by fathers who dont care.

 

my mum left my dad when i was about 6 month ish as he never contributed towards my care he finished work and went to the pub every day, wouldnt change or feed me and contributed no money towards my milk and nappies, he even went as far as trying to deny im his even tho i look so much like him you cant deny it. i saw my dad 10 x at the most between being 1 and 10. each time i saw him it was because he had a new girlfriend and wanted to show off how much he cared about me.

 

my mum even told the council he had joint custody because he wanted to move in a maisonet near us which he was going to trade with my mum for our 14th floor flat which he never did. he knew exactly wher we lived untill i was 10, but my nan has allways been in the same house if he wanted to make contact. i never got a birthday pressent or card of him i doubt he even knows my dob.

 

when my mum went to the csa he packed his job in and moved in with his mum so he didnt have to pay.

 

when i was 15 i found him he was married with kids at this point and he used several excuses, my mum wouldnt let me see him, he had sent presents to my nans and our house and they allways got returned, he even said he sent a wedding invatation to my nans but it was the wrong house (my nan knows the person in the house he said and they know me so would have 4warded anything in my name) basically he used all the usual bull. at this time i was living with him to go to a better school i left after 2 months and have had no contact since he still knows wher my mum lives.

 

my mum never said a bad word about him and let me make up my own mind, i wish she had told me what he was like but i probably wouldnt have believed her anyway.

 

im my opinion sometimes it may be better to keep the kids away from ther father. my partner knows if he ever acts in this way if we split he will see the kids but only through the court system.

[GothicCharm]

Wow.. this has certainly..moved on since i went to work yesterday.

 

Now.. everyone on this thread has a point so why were there about 3 pages of bickering about who has a point and who doesn't?

 

Those who have experienced it obviously can say what they have experienced it doesn't mean women are being judged it means they are saying what has happened. Those who haven't experienced it can argue their theoretical point but cannot argue that those who have experienced it are completely wrong.

 

Noone on this thread is wrong because things happen to BOTH sexes, my main post was merely about what rights fathers DO have not what they DON'T

 

I will admit that I see the law as being mostly on the mother's side, because ive seen alot of people not have the access they would like even though the mother is not particularly a better parent. However I also know people who are completely useless as fathers and do not deserve their children.

[Cyclone]

It doesn’t work as you're not comparing like for like.

 

You have not been through the emotional trauma of losing your child through no fault of your own, you have no experience of the complicity of the issue and you have no knowledge of the heartache suffered by those who have been unlucky enough to have a bitter ex, but you will make assumptions and tell people what they should think, feel, and how to act.

If you can find a post in this thread where I even brush against telling anyone how to feel or act then you point it out.

You are an armchair know it all, that’s plain to see by the number of threads you contribute too. You know nothing of the subject, so until you do, take your opinion somewhere it is wanted.

I don't know it all, but knowledge of subjects isn't restricted to those who are involved in that situation. The legislation is available on line for anyone to look at. My original contribution to the thread was to state that a parent with custody can legally move if they wish. That's hardly controversial, nor do I need to be there to know that.

If you don't like my opinion, you can always jog on.

 

The reason we have such a problem in this country is people listen to ill informed, know nothing people like you instead of speaking to those who have the relevant experience.

Experience leaves you still knowing very little and ill informed, but labouring under the impression that you're now an expert. You aren't. Your experience doesn't mean that you know the relevant legislation any better than anyone else.

[GothicCharm]

STOP ARGUING OVER WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO AN OPINION

 

I have never had children therefore never had a custody battle never even been married to get divorced and I have an opinion so pipe down.

 

As for those that do have experience they still are entitled to an opinion whether it may be leaning more towards what has happened to them personally.

 

so have we decided then from this thread that nobody is allowed to speak of it unless they've been through it? Cause let me tell you it certainly looks like THAT is why things aren't moving very swiftly with getting more rights

[Berberis]

STOP ARGUING OVER WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO AN OPINION

 

I have never had children therefore never had a custody battle never even been married to get divorced and I have an opinion so pipe down.

 

As for those that do have experience they still are entitled to an opinion whether it may be leaning more towards what has happened to them personally.

 

so have we decided then from this thread that nobody is allowed to speak of it unless they've been through it? Cause let me tell you it certainly looks like THAT is why things aren't moving very swiftly with getting more rights

 

Quite the opposite I’m afraid. People with no experience of the subject are telling people with how they should act and feel. This is the problem, those with no understanding are calling the shots, and this is why we have such a problem.

[GothicCharm]

But if people are not allowed to talk about it unless they have experience of it then they can't learn.

 

I mean doctors haven't necessarily experienced all the illnesses in the world but you wouldn't want them to stop telling you what to do about them would you? If a doctor said, well.. you have meningitis but im afraid ive never had it so i can't help you how would you feel?

[GothicCharm]

oop double post

[Berberis]

Experience leaves you still knowing very little and ill informed, but labouring under the impression that you're now an expert. You aren't. Your experience doesn't mean that you know the relevant legislation any better than anyone else.

 

Could you please tell us all what your experience of the legal minefield which is family law? I would love to know what makes you such an expert enabling you to advise on the matter. I would also like to know how this means I, having been through the process a number of times, having met with a number of different solicitors and spent many hours discussing the issue with qualified experts makes me ill informed in your view?

 

Exactly how many children have you lost contact with through no fault of your own? How many ex partners have you had use the UK legal system to prevent you from exercising your human rights? How many times have you contacted government agencies about the matter, only to find they immediately side with your ex taking her word over yours? How many solicitors have told you the UK legal system is biased and does not work for men like you? How much money have you spent while your ex received full legal support trying to just see your child again?

 

You know nothing about this subject and how dare you tell me I’m ill informed... I have lived and breathed this subject for the last 10 years. What have you done apart from look up a few web links and read a wiki about it. Either be supportive of those going thought what is a immense emotional trauma that many men have found too much and taken their own lives or go away.

[Berberis]

But if people are not allowed to talk about it unless they have experience of it then they can't learn.

 

I mean doctors haven't necessarily experienced all the illnesses in the world but you wouldn't want them to stop telling you what to do about them would you? If a doctor said, well.. you have meningitis but im afraid ive never had it so i can't help you how would you feel?

 

People can discuss this yeah that’s great, the more that know about the issue the batter, but people like Cyclone are not listening to what those with experience have to say but is telling people what they should think. As you have probably already seen, he had the audacity to tell me I’m ill informed, coming from my position of experience, while he has none what so ever.

 

People like Cyclone like to come across as the expert as it makes them feel special, but every so often it’s obvious he knows jack about the subject.

 

By all means make an input and learn more about the subject, you will learn that beneath the annoyed and sometimes frosty exterior of all men treated in this way are people with real problems who have been kicked about and treated badly by the system. You will also learn that we are not embittered men who hate women, very much to the contrary, most men have moved on from these relationships, it is the women who have not and who use the children to get back with their ex’s.

 

I could tell you a horror story of deceit, violence and emotional turmoil that has had some in tears. My fight, my experience is not a one off, many men have been through the same process.

 

One last thing, we can all have an opinion, but something like this subject is not like ones experience of death as described so badly by cyclone, it is more akin to alcoholism or drug dependency. It is near on impossible to know what people who have been through it experienced. You cannot know what it’s like unless you have been there. However you can be supportive and understand the emotional impact having your children taken away from you is like.

[tezza86]

I thought this topic was meant to be peoples opinions on what was said in the original post? i'm sure it says whether you have experience or not. Everybody will have their own opinions on things but why is it turning into a debate over who are entitled to opinions and who are not how can anyone post their experience or opinions on the topic when all people are doing is bickering.