Gothic_Angel Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 If, and it does happen, you and your partner split up. The person who maintains care for the child will then be forced to give the name and address of the "father" and he will be hounded by the CSA or whoever they are now to pay from the child's birth. The biological father shouldn't be chased by the CSA if her partner adopts the child. Then if there was a split the partner would be the one who was chased (if chasing was required). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Please think carefully about this. And I don't mean because of your sexuality. I really struggle with the whole sperm donor issue. It is hard enough for children who are conceived to parents who split up, or are conceived in 'error' shall we say, but then have one parent absent for the whole of their lives. I did not meet my father until I was 20! and belive me, I was miserable about the whole thing for my entire teenage life!!!! I am fine now, but I was a mess for a long, long while! Please PLEASE think about this from the child's point of view. You are deliberately arranging a potential situation for a child to be VERY distraught about not knowing his biological father (and I don't just mean knowing who he is, I mean really KNOWING him). Whether you are gay, or straight, or whatever, I can not abide the thought of sperm donation. I really feel that in these situations where people can not have children naturally, they should look towards adoption. Lord knows there are enough unwanted kids in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
depoix Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Why get the hospital involved? Just come to some financial arrangement with the man and get him to bring his sample and turkey baster over when he's ready. Or you could just have sex with him if that would be easier. exactly ,why involve others it only makes for complications Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottys Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 My friend was going to have a friend donor but it all turned sour at the last minute, she ended up going to the hospital. She loves her child but having this wee one has been her biggest regret. Believe me she was the most balanced person you could wish to meet and she is a fab mum, all the same her natural desire led to her doing a totally unnatural thing, and she is screwed up as a consequence - ultimately her child is screwed up, perhaps by default ie mothers stress/ conscience. listen to Babooshka. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddie Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Why get the hospital involved? Just come to some financial arrangement with the man and get him to bring his sample and turkey baster over when he's ready. Or you could just have sex with him if that would be easier. Perhaps sex with a male would be repulsive, hence being gay? Would the turkey baster have to be body temperature to avoid killing the sperm? Not as easy as it sounds maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titchbec Posted April 17, 2010 Author Share Posted April 17, 2010 The sperm doner is a very good friend and will be involved in the childs upbringing. I don't want to go down the addoption route, i would like to be fortunate enough to have a child myself. Just because i'm gay shouldn't mean i cant have a child myself. We shouldn't be classed any differently just because we are gay. As long as the child is put first, is happy and healthy i don't see what the issues are. Thanks to the people that have me proper advice, i really appreciate this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyofborg Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Perhaps this is why it's morally dubious for same sex partners to have children in this way. Parents should always put the child first and not pass them around as if they were a personal possession or something. its no less dubious than heterosexual couples having children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 The sperm doner is a very good friend and will be involved in the childs upbringing. I don't want to go down the addoption route, i would like to be fortunate enough to have a child myself. Just because i'm gay shouldn't mean i cant have a child myself. We shouldn't be classed any differently just because we are gay. As long as the child is put first, is happy and healthy i don't see what the issues are. Thanks to the people that have me proper advice, i really appreciate this. I grew up in a very happy environment. Was loved enormously by my mother and grandparents, and have suffered no ill health at any time. The pain and agony of not knowing my father (and by that I mean where I came from) was beyond words. THAT is the issue that I faced, and the issue that your child MAY face. I don't think anyone has suggested any argument about the sexuality side of things. They has merely been pointing out a child's very possible perspective of the situation as they grow up. If the donor is going to be involved in the child's upbringing in a great way... I can not comment as I have not experienced a three-parent family situation. For your child's sake though, I hope that he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plekhanov Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Please think carefully about this. And I don't mean because of your sexuality. I really struggle with the whole sperm donor issue. It is hard enough for children who are conceived to parents who split up, or are conceived in 'error' shall we say, but then have one parent absent for the whole of their lives. I did not meet my father until I was 20! and belive me, I was miserable about the whole thing for my entire teenage life!!!! I am fine now, but I was a mess for a long, long while! Please PLEASE think about this from the child's point of view. You are deliberately arranging a potential situation for a child to be VERY distraught about not knowing his biological father (and I don't just mean knowing who he is, I mean really KNOWING him). Whether you are gay, or straight, or whatever, I can not abide the thought of sperm donation. Would you rather have never lived? Your extended misery at not knowing who your biological father isn't exactly typical, it's absurd to urge a loving couple not to have a child on the off chance that the child might one day obsess over who their biological father is. Extensive research has shown that the children of lesbians do every bit as well as those of heterosexuals. I really feel that in these situations where people can not have children naturally, they should look towards adoption. Lord knows there are enough unwanted kids in the world. Hardly any unwanted babies in the UK though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plekhanov Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Why get the hospital involved? Just come to some financial arrangement with the man and get him to bring his sample and turkey baster over when he's ready. Or you could just have sex with him if that would be easier. And if they were a heterosexual couple with an infertile male would you suggest the woman has sex with the fertile man? Perhaps this is why it's morally dubious for same sex partners to have children in this way. Parents should always put the child first and not pass them around as if they were a personal possession or something. And if they were a heterosexual couple with an infertile male would it be immoral for them to use donated sperm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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