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Quick Pain, Slow Pain.


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I used to weight train and in the early 90s I tore the long muscle in the back thats called the Latissimus dorsi.

 

The tear went from top to bottom and left me in a gasping, hissing heap on the gym floor with a 90lb barbell rolling around on the floor next to my bonce.

I wasnt even training that part of my back, I was doing military presses at the time.

 

 

The tear took a few weeks to heal and in no time I was back in the gym trying to wreck the rest of me.

 

 

Anyway, since that day, the muscle has torn lengthways each year and each time its as bad as the last, its a pain you never get used to and frighteningly it also affects your chest so you think youre having a heart attack.

 

`Why are you waffling on about this load of tosh, oh sexy one?` I hear you say...

 

Well I`ll tell you if you`ll just stop trying to seduce me into bed for one second- BE PATIENT!

 

This morning I was in bed and I rolled over and stretched... The old pain returned, my chest tightened and started hurting and the old Heart attack pain came back and I felt the very top of the "Lat" muscle go... Now I`m sitting here in bloody agony and the muscle hasnt torn fully... it has to tear fully for the healing process to begin and as long as Im sitting here like a lop-sided baboon then the muscle is simply going to wait patiently... until it goes of its own accord...

 

Which puts me in mind of the old sticking plaster thing... How do you remove plasters? RIP them off? Or s-l-o-w-l-y peel them off?

 

Should I get the camera recording and flex the muscle so it goes fully? Then play it on Youtube? Its not a pretty sight, seeing 17 stones of blubber flop to the floor in agony, squealing like a stuck pig.

 

So. plasters and other forms of slow/fast pain: Which are you? A ripper or a peeler? A hunk or a wimp?

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Does this not mean that you are returning to training too soon, that it hasn't properly healed?

 

I havent trained since 2000 or so, I reached perfection and stayed there! The muscles are all there and all as hard as iron... Theyre just hidden beneath the three foot layer of blubber.

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Quick!

 

Grit yer teeth, stiffen yer sinews and get it over and done with!

 

(Then collapse on the floor in a snivelling heap of self-pity.)

 

I darent!

 

I darent!

 

All I need to do is raise my right arm above my head and flex the muscle and Id feel it unzipping from top to bottom... then the pain would hit...

 

I Darent!

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I darent!

 

I darent!

 

All I need to do is raise my right arm above my head and flex the muscle and Id feel it unzipping from top to bottom... then the pain would hit...

 

I Darent!

 

Yer nowt but a big nancy and a disgrace to Parson Cross. Tha's turned soft, living in t'south and I'm taking steps to have you banned from ever visiting god's own county again.

 

Make the most of that last bottle of Hendos ..... :hihi:

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