Life - the eternal word

[epiphany]

Anticipating your future based on personal experience may seem logical, but it's not. You may be a completely different person in 5, 10 years time. Like I said, you should try and find something that will give you a sense of individual purpose before you go looking for someone else to "complete your existence".

 

When I split up with my ex, I first acknowledged clearly in my own mind how I contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. From this I decided there were things I needed time to work on as an individual. I needed to understand, before anything else involving anyone else, who I was, where I was going and how I could get there alone.

 

Be determined to get your own house in order before you look to others to "complete" you, because they never will mate. Not family, not partners, not friends. They'll be there for you, but they won't complete you.

[epiphany]

Good advice...

 

Jason, the way we see the outside world is usually a reflection of our inner state. You say you're happy in yourself but you're obviously not, and those horrible feelings of depression and bitterness colour your view of everything and everyone. You're probably not even aware of how you come across, and that the message you're unwittingly giving off contributes to making women uninterested. You have some very unpleasant feelings swishing around and you appear to want to attribute them to the world around you in ways that are really more about your own mindset right now.

 

I'd agree with what everyone else had said. I've been in some extremely distorted states and looking back it's no surprise I was single. We tend to attract people who mirror us, so the best way of attracting what you want is to find a way to cultivate those qualities in yourself. It's easier said than done, but really you need to get the counselling or appropriate course of self-help to reframe your negative thought patterns, and get into a more positive frame of mind that gets you onto a virtuous rather than a vicious circle.

 

Depression taints our every thought and observation with a negative tinge. It feels like it will never go away, but it will with the right help and the right effort. Have patience and concentrate on learning to like and care for yourself first, then someone else may want to join you. You can't be happy with another until you're happy alone first. It's a paradox but it's true.

[Speed Demon]

well it looks like il always be single then as i dont know when things will get better, i cant pretend to myself that i am perfect i am not

 

i have made huge **** ups in life, i have let people down and been let down myself

 

i have done stupid things and will do stupid things in the future no dought, i have learned from some things in my life, there is a bloke i have met a few times from here called northend and he is a sound enuff bloke, he has just had a **** run of luck and he has needed someone to turn to, not to say iv done a lot but i have been there to give him a few words of advice and offer help but i suppose i am the last person to offer anyone help when i am goin thru the mill with stuff myself

 

i find happiness in helping others but i am scared of bein treated like a rug aswell

 

i have my faults, i am no oil painting i am as u say, quite unique in my views about things

 

i am bitter about things yes, i am angry because i care and i have passions for things and yeh, that may sound like i am just saying this or that to be nasty but i care so much for things to work out maybe a try too hard i am too pushy and i feel guilty about that as i never ever want to be like that, its just i can never just let things be

 

i will say this is that i never chase after girls i am rather cool like that, maybe abit to relaxed in a way it may seem as tho i dont make the extra efforts but i think that girls like the treat 'em mean keep 'em keen but doing that has never worked either so i dont know what to do, i admit i have things to work on, my confidence and trust in people and the way i am yes i have lots of bad views on things

 

i am also realistic and if things never seem to work then il say so, i dont live in day dream lala land saying il meet someone right soon, when it will never happen

 

so there u go i admit i have things i need to work on i do need to start thinking more positively about life

[Amaranthus]

Jason! What's being perfect or not got to do with anything?? I'd hate to be with somebody who had no flaws - I'd feel inadequate! We've all made mistakes; small ones as well as bloody huge ones, and we'll sure as **** make a load more as we go on in life.

 

As for how to act with/ treat girls - stop playing games! I know it sounds corny but just be who you are, don't act. Do you want to be with someone who wants you or do you want to be with someone who wants to be with the person you're pretending to be?

 

And stop saying you know things will never happen, who the hell do you think you are - God? You don't know anything, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow, never mind a year or two down the line. Wake up!

[Northrend]

Jason,

 

There are times when talking to you has made the difference for me. And like wise I hope some days I help you. I am determined to help you get back on your feet. Hang in there fella we WILL sort something. Yes we have both had bad times and mine are just starting. BUT after reading the advice I have seen on here tonight I can see how I need to proceed.

 

You know what you can do to help yourself out of this. You really do need to bite the bullet (but not literally) and just get on with things. Listen to these people mate. They know the way...

 

You are not as bad as you imagined..

[spinac]

Jason! What's being perfect or not got to do with anything?? I'd hate to be with somebody who had no flaws - I'd feel inadequate!

 

Exactly! Be grateful for you partner's/friend's flaws. If it wasn't for them, they'd be with someone else. I'm sure it's an old cliche, but love tends to turn up when you stop looking. You can try too hard! (I'm speaking from experience). The earlier poster is right, you gotta love yourself first. Have a laugh, let your hair down, stop analysing things too much and expecting to come to a logical conclusion. When you've worked it all out in your head, you'll still have to go out and meet people in order for anything to happen, so why not find a way to go out have some fun, put a smile on your face and see if anything begins to happen the natural way. There's some oddball out there just as odd as you (again speaking from experience!)

 

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird,

and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,

we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

[vwkittie]

i am quite happy with myself, the person inside is not perfect but then again who is, its just all the **** on the outside meaning life and everything that it throws at ya

 

u just think whats the point

 

yeh woman only go for arrogent cocky pricks, confidence dosnt cum into it,

 

if woman only go for confidence then they are only ever interested in the exterior front, not what is on the inside

 

i never get how people who get by quite happily in life treading over other people making this big act get eveything, yet those who are only being themselves and such get sod all

 

woman only go for looks or what they can get, theyr never with any bloke for the right reasons, no wonder then, as i have the rigth reasons but end up with emptyness and loneliness, sounds abaout right

 

I don't want to be mean to you when you are down but if you go around talking like that about women, or really believe that about women... then frankly I'm not surprised you haven't got one.

 

We most certantly are NOT all interested in looks alone, or in it for 'what we can get'. That is pig ignorant and downright offensive. Grow up.

[Speed Demon]

u are all right, everyone is right, what can i say, il keep my mouth shut now and never speak again

 

better off not speaking even to girls then people wont have to hear the poison that comes out of my mouth then

 

u win

[Amaranthus]

anyone else want a pop, may aswell

 

Why don't you take the comments on here for what they are - advice. No-ones getting at you... well, maybe you angered vwkittie just a little , but even she's giving you some constructive feedback. As long as you're in despair nothing will go well for you; look! Even now you're being tricked into thinking everyone's just having a pop! We're trying to help!

[purdyamos]

u are all right, everyone is right, what can i say, il keep my mouth shut now and never speak again

 

better off not speaking even to girls then people wont have to hear the poison that comes out of my mouth then

 

u win

 

 

You say in your OP you're in group therapy. Have you learned any insight from the other group members? Do you think one-on-one therapy might be more effective? Or is the group therapy you're doing making you even more defensive? I would be surprised if the feedback you got in that group was all that different from what most of us have said.

 

vwkittie's reaction, by the way, is exactly what I meant in my post (which you appear to have avoided taking much note of). If people are angry or abrupt with you, you need to look at what you might have done to provoke that reaction rather than playing martyr. It is true that if you give off that attitude to women, no woman will want to be with you. So perhaps it would be an idea to change the attitude?