Is having Kids Necessary.

[RozeePozee]

We asked this question loads before we decided to take the leap. We now have a three year old and four week old twins. They are absolutely wonderful and I have found being a mother immensely satisfying but it's also incredibly hard work - nothing prepared me for it, especially the sleep deprivation and suddenly not having very much time at all to do all the activities that I used to enjoy. My life bears very little resemblance to how it was four years ago. I have a completely different social circle and hardly ever go out at night. I haven't been on a plane since they were born (too much hassle). I'm probably healthier (more active and drink less alcohol!). I'm a full time mum and don't feel I could juggle doing anything else well, like work or study, so that's pretty restricting, but that's my choice.

 

If I'd not had kids, I wouldn't have anything to miss and that would have been fine. My partner and I would probably have a lot more interesting a life and take more risks (travel, work etc). Whilst I think it's brought us together as a couple (should that be "bound" us together?) I don't think it's improved our day to day relationship as the focus at the moment is very much upon rearing small needy children and time for us plays a poor second, third, last fiddle. It has brought me closer to my parents and in laws and they dote on their grandchildren.

 

I certainly don't consider being childless to be a selfish choice - quite the contrary. From an environmental point of view, I think we've been very selfish - more people are not good for this over-populated planet!

[neeeeeeeeeek]

Less stupid people popping out more stupid people would be a start.

[Cyclone]

Having kids is only necessary if you really want them and have a desire to be a parent. They are not a fashion accessory or a toy, require energy, money, commitment and you'll get no thanks for anything you do at the time.

 

They are not an essential and in no way are they a "miracle" or interesting to other people.

 

That said not having kids isn't a particularly difficult thing to do either so long as your doing it for the right reasons. DON'T be pretending that by not having kids you are making a huge sacrifice or that you are some kind of martyr. People who choose not to have kids should be honest and upfront about their selfishness. You are choosing to remain childless because you like your freedom and your house tidy and the disposable income you have and I applaud you for that. Thats your choice and good luck to you. The only thing I ask in return is that you don't crow too much about you fine decision making.

Why is it that parents don't seem to be able to get by without calling those who choose otherwise selfish? Some parents I should say, RozeePozee managed to sound quite balanced.

I don't want any children, never have, probably never will. I've seen how it alters the life of my friends and siblings and frankly I'd hate that, from what I can see there lives now suck a lot more than they used to. But it's their choice, I'm not going to call them selfish for choosing to have children, and if they call me selfish for choosing not to then I'll happily put them straight on why their way isn't the only way.

[mdt1975]

Well if we did'nt have kids you would'nt be here. END OF.

[Cyclone]

If you personally didn't have kids I'd disappear. Seems unlikely.

[Sam Step]

You are far beter off now not having kids. They tend to live at home until they are about 53, then you die and leave them the house.

[chem1st]

I've advised .. TOLD, my two daughters not to have any! Despite our eldest saying she would like a child within the next 5 years ... utterly stupid girl !! She has a mountain of debts from Uni .. she owes ME £70 .. she can't afford to pay board, she owes her Dad £110 ... she hasn't paid her National Insurance during the time she was self employed .. Oh Hum !

 

AT least our youngest has her head screwed on the right way.

 

Wow. Uni debts need not be paid and £180 between family is nothing. Hasn't she got an income at all to pay board though? If she does and doesn't pay board then she shouldn't have kids yet.

[discodown]

Why is it that parents don't seem to be able to get by without calling those who choose otherwise selfish? Some parents I should say, RozeePozee managed to sound quite balanced.

I don't want any children, never have, probably never will. I've seen how it alters the life of my friends and siblings and frankly I'd hate that, from what I can see there lives now suck a lot more than they used to. But it's their choice, I'm not going to call them selfish for choosing to have children, and if they call me selfish for choosing not to then I'll happily put them straight on why their way isn't the only way.

I haven't a clue why most parents are so unbalanced. I'm a parent and try to stay reasonable.

 

You were one of the people is was thinking about with regards the honesty thing. I applaud your honesty for not wanting kids and think its absurd to lable you selfish. To be a parent is to make a choice, your choice is simply the other face of the same coin

[PuressenceUK]

No it's absolutely not a requirement, although the pressure placed on you to have them by family and the state is massive. Have you noticed how the Government only wants to help decent hard-working families. They couldn't give a monkeys about single people.

[chem1st]

No it's absolutely not a requirement, although the pressure placed on you to have them by family and the state is massive. Have you noticed how the Government only wants to help decent hard-working families. They couldn't give a monkeys about single people.

 

The amount of single working people in poverty has increased, its now above the amount of pensioners in poverty (which has halved).