YouFo666 Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 The solution to all these problems is 'don't be a doormat' You didn't say that earlier ?? Naughty Girl ;O) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikmouse Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 The solution to all these problems is 'don't be a doormat' Very true and damn good advice. However its not always as simple as that when its family that are using you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I've recently cut off contact with a couple of friends with whom everything seems to be a one way street. I love them dearly, but when they text for me to ring them (at my expense) and in the last 5 years I've paid for the petrol to visit them (50 miles round trip) at least once every couple of months and they haven't visited me at all and in that time the offer of paying for dinner has never been reciprocated and neither have any of the gifts, drinks bought in pubs or times when time and practical help has been given. As much as they're lovely people, it gets very frustrating when it gets to the point that it is expected that I'll pay for all of the mutual phone calls, I'll take them out when I visit and that I'll pay for everything whilst also paying for all the petrol and ferrying them around. If I was well off and they were not then I wouldn't really have an issue with it, but when I have to budget to afford to take them out and they never do the same in return it just wore so thin just before Christmas (whilst budgeting for affording an extra 6 Christmas and 2 birthday presents for the family for over the Christmas period) that I just decided enough is enough. Friendship is not just about money and I really don't like to appear to be so focussed on monetary things, but when the money aspects are added on to being called on for practical help, someone to lean on emotionally and someone to moan at about everything, then I'm afraid that after 5 years I did begin to get very fed up about always bailing them out and never getting to lean on them. I'm really sad about cutting them off, but once all of the above has been discussed and they're offended then there's not much hope for the friendship anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Very true and damn good advice. However its not always as simple as that when its family that are using you. I think it's more likely to be able to speak your mind to your family than to acquaintenances, and don't be put off it someone says you're over-sensitive, paranoid or 'being funny' - that's a way of control. Perhaps you can wait till there's a calmer atmosphere and ask them if they dislike being used, and how they deal with it, because that's how you feel sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Medusa, you've let them go too far - personally I have cut people off if I've felt unappreciated, sometimes kindness is mistaken for weakness by some people - I havn't got loads of friends but then I've always gone for quality not quantity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 You didn't say that earlier ?? Naughty Girl ;O) 'ooh you are awful' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 It isn't as easy as that cress unfortunately. It isn't all black and white, until you have been in someone else's shoes you don't know how easy or hard it is for them do you? No perhaps I've always nipped it in the bud, actually I'm a real softie but I've had to hide it to avoid being taken for granted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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