bigmistake Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Yes I understand and fully agree with you - whatever she says to me, asks me or yells at me (even throws at me) I will take. We don't have any children and have thick walls so we can express our feelings. She'll be home after 6pm today so I'm counting down the hours. I feel so sick. I agree with not borrowing anymore credit too. That was exactly how I managed to get snowballed this far because I thought it would be OK to borrow until I got a new job (wage) and could repay later. Later never happened.. I was truly hoping that by end of February I would have had a new job and was going to just tell her that I was changing jobs at short notice. This still would have been a lie but nothing compared to whats happening now. Now I have months of lieing to explain plus a massive financial stress. At least by today it will all be over. You guys have really helped even though I only posted this morning. Kind of wish I would have posted here back in January but then there are lots of things I wish I would have done differently back in January... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandad.Malky Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Once you have taken some financial advice and got things into some kind of order maybe you should be taking a serious look at your relationship, what is the underlying reason behind living a lie for 4 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dozy Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Oh bless you. Yes you've made a mistake, but things like this can be worked through, especially when you've got someone you love by your side. Trying to put myself in your wife's shoes I can tell you, if it was me, I'd be screaming and crying for the first half an hour, ranting and raving and hurt that you didn't feel you could tell me. Eventually I would calm down though and support and help you out of this mess. I'm sure given a little time your wife will be the support you so badly need. Expecting her not to be angry (probably because she is scared) at first would be unrealistic, but you will get through this and probably emerge stronger at the other side. Good luck, I really hope tonight goes as well as it possibly can. Good post, Mermaid. It will probably be tough at first, but things will work out. Just make sure you give your wife a bit of time to digest things, it's going to be a lot to take in. And, if she reacts badly, don't panic - she'll calm down, given time. In cases like this, the anticipation is usually much tougher than the actual doing. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you, we've all done stupid things at times, and our partners have understood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hels1977 Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Just to add to everyone's excellent advice - you can also phone the Samaritans if you would like to talk to about your feelings and what you're going through. http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/find_my_local_branch/yorkshire_and_the_humber/sheffield_samaritans.aspx Or national number is 08457 90 90 90, best of luck, you're doing the right thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmistake Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Once you have taken some financial advice and got things into some kind of order maybe you should be taking a serious look at your relationship, what is the underlying reason behind living a lie for 4 months. Someone nailed this on the head earlier.. The reason I have been living a lie is "confidence". I was confident that I was going to get a new job. 1 Week turned into 1 Month, then 2 etc. And then I knew If I was to come clean I would need to explain when I quit it and she knew I'd been lieing for weeks. Now its months. Our relationship has been great, the best i've ever had. I just didn't want her to worry about paying the mortgage and thought I would sort it myself. I failed, things snowballed and now I have almost no confidence left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treatment Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Someone nailed this on the head earlier.. The reason I have been living a lie is "confidence". I was confident that I was going to get a new job. 1 Week turned into 1 Month, then 2 etc. And then I knew If I was to come clean I would need to explain when I quit it and she knew I'd been lieing for weeks. Now its months. Our relationship has been great, the best i've ever had. I just didn't want her to worry about paying the mortgage and thought I would sort it myself. I failed, things snowballed and now I have almost no confidence left. Don't beat yourself up, we all lack confidence at times, sometimes about big things and sometimes about little things. I've done all sorts of dangerous things in my time without worrying, but I am meeting a girl at the weekend that I've not seen for 40 years - and I am s**ting myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arachnophobe Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 You really have to bite the bullet and tell her ASAP. There's a good chance she'll be angry or upset at first but once she calms down you'll find a way to sort things out. I'd hate to think that my partner was worrying himself sick over something like this when we could be dealing with it together. As others have suggested, there are places such as CAB where you can get practical advice on financial problems and solutions- lower bill/ mortgage payments, payment holidays etc. Whatever the situation, there are always ways of dealing with it, but it's better to act now than later. There is always a way through every crisis. I hope things go as well as possible, chances are she'll understand. Remember, everybody screws up sometimes, I certainly have, it's how you deal with it that matters. I would react by giving her a big hug and saying '' don't worry, we'll sort it duck''. Aww... Hope she reacts like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat86 Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 What a horrible situation to be in I would expect initial anger/hurt from your wife. After 5 months, of not being able to tell her/effectively living a secret life, shes bound to be hurt, confused and angry. I would be. Theres no way to dress it up, you need to sit down with her and tell her. I'd be prepared for her reaction though, I doubt in the first instance she will be ''ok duck''.. she's bound to be terrified also if household bills etc are being missed After that, I would go to your bank- can they give you an overdraft etc to tide you over Have you been to the job centre? Your next stop if you're struggling for work good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fox20thc Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Well she was due home at six so fingers crossed it all went okay for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 I'm not making light of his situation but i'm soooo pleased i'm not him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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