Young teen age girls getting contraceptives without parents' knowledge

[missflirtuk]

So she had it in because it's the 'done' thing among friends. They aren't a bloody toy they cost money.

[Grandad.Malky]

Threads like this make me realise how “lucky” I was to have two boys.

 

I can only imagine the feelings of the OP but I think I would be more concerned that my daughter ( if I had one) felt unable to discuss it with her mum first.

[mystes]

What is it that you don't agree with?

 

She can ask for birth control and the clinic do ot have to inform her parents. She can consent to a medicl procedure if she can be seen to fully understand the implications.

 

Personally I would be a little disappointed that she hadn't spoken with me before doing it but would be proud that she had used her brain and made a conscious decision to do something.

 

Before you panic you should ask her why she has had it fitted. It may not be as a method of birth control, if that's what you're concerned about, but I know of two of my friends who have had them fitted as they help relieve period pains.

 

I totally agree with you, some of us used this things for period but then the best option iS to have an open communication with this thing

[Plain Talker]

So there is no difference between fourteen and, say, twenty four?

 

Is the fourteen year old as mentally prepared for a sexual relationship as a twenty four year old? The point that you are missing, is that allowing this sort of treatment is condoning under age sex.

 

It's very easy to be dispassionate about other people's children, after all, you haven't brought them up and you don't have the ultimate responsibility for them.

 

Sometimes I think the people they come into contact with outside the home have a lot to answer for, teachers, youth workers and the ilk, give them wrong ideas, based on their own hare-brained theories of what kids ought to have the 'right' to do.

 

Luckily, we were always able to discuss things they'd been told, and present another side for consideration. Someone must have told this girl that she should have the implant, for whatever reason. I wonder what 'counselling' she had before she decided it was a good idea to go ahead with it without telling her parents?

 

If it was for painful periods, what would be the rush that they couldn't tell her to go home and at least talk to her parents about it first?

 

I think my approach on this subject is level-headed. I was quite certain to make sure my sister felt she could approach me for advice. Which thankfully, she did.

 

I was big enough and ugly enough t recognise that no matter how we (okay, people like my mother) try to screw our kids' minds up into not having sex, there will always be kids who will be having sex under age.

 

What I told my youngest sister (whom I brought up from a young age as my mother died) about contraception was that I'd far rather she waited a little while longer, until she was of-age.

 

I emphasised that if she was going to sleep with her boyfriend, for goodness sake, make sure it was safe sex, and I explained about belt-and-braces (the pill and condoms) and how each would protect from different aspects. (the pill for an unwanted pregnancy, the condom protecting each partner form STIs and HIV, etc.

 

I felt this approach was far better than the terror my mother instilled into me.

 

My late mother's "birds and the bees" talk with me, consisted of convincing me that, if a lad so much as kissed me, I'd end up pregnant. That and the comment "You'd better not bring any trouble to MY door!!"

 

That's the approach, it seems that the USA'ans have. "Don't tell them the facts of life, don't give them proper information, and they won't have sex..." which is cobblers, basically.

 

The proper approach is to give the child age-appropriate education (both at school and at home) and to empower the child with the strategies of how to say "NO" as well as "Yes". because sexual education is as much about the choice to say "No" as it is about what to do if you say "Yes"

 

The child needs to know exactly where they can go, and to whom they can turn for truthful, non-emotive advice and information.

 

If the child can make an informed decision, the statistics show that they are far less likely to end up with an STI, or an unplanned pregnancy. (see holland, and compare it to the USA, as points-in-fact...)

 

No matter what age you are when you start to have sex, I don't believe you are really ready.

[Plain Talker]

So there is no difference between fourteen and, say, twenty four?

 

Is the fourteen year old as mentally prepared for a sexual relationship as a twenty four year old? The point that you are missing, is that allowing this sort of treatment is condoning under age sex.

 

It's very easy to be dispassionate about other people's children, after all, you haven't brought them up and you don't have the ultimate responsibility for them.

 

Sometimes I think the people they come into contact with outside the home have a lot to answer for, teachers, youth workers and the ilk, give them wrong ideas, based on their own hare-brained theories of what kids ought to have the 'right' to do.

 

Luckily, we were always able to discuss things they'd been told, and present another side for consideration. Someone must have told this girl that she should have the implant, for whatever reason. I wonder what 'counselling' she had before she decided it was a good idea to go ahead with it without telling her parents?

 

If it was for painful periods, what would be the rush that they couldn't tell her to go home and at least talk to her parents about it first?

 

I don't make the law, I just follow it.

 

The law says that at fourteen, generally, a child can make choices about their healthcare, such as obtaining (and refusing) treatment, and even getting contraceptives from their doctor.

 

The pill and allied medications (such as the mini-pill and the implant and depo-provera injection) are also prescribed for other conditions, and not just as contraceptives. they help with conditions like Acne which can plague a kid's teenage years, it can help regulate periods, as well as lighten and relieve painful and heavy periods. it is also prescribed for other conditions such as menopausal symptoms, or other Hormone-replacement therapies.

[rubydazzler]

I think my approach on this subject is level-headed. I was quite certain to make sure my sister felt she could approach me for advice. Which thankfully, she did.[snipped for brevity]

As you're quoting me .... but she was your sister. The relationship between siblings is usually quite different from parent and child. I don't get the impression that falpere and his wife will have instilled terror into their child, and probably thought that their daughter trusted them and could talk to them about things like having an implant, before she 'snuk' out and did it.

 

I think last night there was also an element of 'going behind their back' about the whole thing that didn't sit well with her parents. And an element of the 'authorities' aiding and abetting a child, who is still the responsbility of her parents, to have a medical procedure without their knowledge. I freely admit that if that had ever happened with a daughter of mine, I'd have been just as dismayed as falpere was.

 

People were assuming all sorts of things last night about the daughter, from having painful periods to a full blown sexual relationship, when it was never mentioned whether she even has a boyfriend. And from a majority of people, a lot of pontificating and not much sympathy. Hopefully today falpere and wife are feeling a tad more hopeful than they were last night.

[Plain Talker]

So there is no difference between fourteen and, say, twenty four?

 

Is the fourteen year old as mentally prepared for a sexual relationship as a twenty four year old? The point that you are missing, is that allowing this sort of treatment is condoning under age sex.

 

It's very easy to be dispassionate about other people's children, after all, you haven't brought them up and you don't have the ultimate responsibility for them.

 

Sometimes I think the people they come into contact with outside the home have a lot to answer for, teachers, youth workers and the ilk, give them wrong ideas, based on their own hare-brained theories of what kids ought to have the 'right' to do.

 

Luckily, we were always able to discuss things they'd been told, and present another side for consideration. Someone must have told this girl that she should have the implant, for whatever reason. I wonder what 'counselling' she had before she decided it was a good idea to go ahead with it without telling her parents?

 

If it was for painful periods, what would be the rush that they couldn't tell her to go home and at least talk to her parents about it first?

 

I'm guessing you were a teenager at some point - they don't care if you condone it or forbid it, if they want to have sex, they will.

 

The way forward is to ensure teenagers are adequately prepared for when it happens, whatever age that may be.

 

edit - I'm sure you'll twist this into me condoning under age sex, but that's missing the point. What would you have said if she'd asked your advice on having this fitted first?

 

my bold

 

To be adequately informed, and adequately prepared... that is key, Alex.

 

Falpere, there's far less of a difference between 14 and 24 than there is between the ages of 4 and 14.

 

as for Condoning under-age sex:- as I said, above, people have been having sex for millennia. Sometimes under whatever age the law of their country, and the law of their time says is legal. you can explain to your teen that it's still illegal, and that they shiould consider whether they ought to wait, without saying "Oh! Yippee, my teen is sexually active!"

 

If a teen decides to have sex, short of shackling them, and imprisoning them in a tower, in a chastity belt, we aren't going to stop them. so the only way is to be open and approachable with them.

[Plain Talker]

You can fly off the handle on here - of course you can... It seems that your main issue is that this is perhaps the first clear sign you have had from your daughter that she is no longer your baby girl, that she is becoming a young woman... Sadly, a young woman who doesn't feel she can discuss her body/periods or her sexuality with her parents... It's fairly obvious from your posts that she is correct in thinking this, but it doesn't make it right that she hasn't been able to go to you first... She is growing up, and you will have many issues of this nature for the next 4 years... It's harder for parents to see their babies become adults than it is for young people to grow up... I didn't see this when I was her age, but as a adult I can see it now... It was terribly difficult for my parents to let me grow up, but that wasn't great for me and made me very very rebelious... Parents who can find the capacity to allow their kids the space to become adults without flying off the handle don't seem to have kids going off the rails so often... Take a deep breath, sleep on it, talk to her mother/father and then talk it over with her... I hope that at least one of you can become a confidant for this young woman... It will help her, and you will be able to stay close as she grows older... Neither of my parents could manage this, and it wasn't helpful for me...

 

I think the nail has been hit on the head, here. It's probably more about the father's gut-wrenching realisation that the daughter is a young woman now, and not a little girl.

[fox20thc]

This has been happening for years and years. My sister was given the pill in 1986 at the age of 14 by her GP without the knowledge of my mother.

 

This was a sensible decision made by her as she was in a relationship with a boy she thought she loved and would be with forever. As with most relationships started as a teenager, it didn't last forever and how grateful are we that she had taken the precautions necessary - had an 'accident occurred' her life could have been so much different.

[rubydazzler]

The law says that at fourteen, generally, a child can make choices about their healthcare, such as obtaining (and refusing) treatment, and even getting contraceptives from their doctor..

The law is, as often said, an ass! A major stumbling block with this, as far as most parents are concerned, except the most laissez-faire and ultra liberal, is that the age of consent for sexual intercourse is 16, and parents are legally responsible for their children until that age, or even 18 in some cases, and that prescribing a contraceptive, no matter what its intention is, for a 14 yr old, should not be a matter solely for the child and the medical practioner to decide.

 

This is my opinion, and obviously being a mother of a daughter, I'm not going to be terribly laid back about it, as you can be, having only a son. Let's wait and see how you feel about it when it's your 12-13-14 yr old grand-daughter coming home with an implant her parents knew nothing about until after the fact