Young teen age girls getting contraceptives without parents' knowledge

[rubydazzler]

In my case, I have a quarter of a century of experience of working with teenagers. The only thing that I know, is that it impossible to predict their intentions or their next move. The best bet is open, constructive dialogue. Indeed, it is the only way. Do remember that dialogue is two sided.

It's very easy to be dispassionate about other people's children, after all, you haven't brought them up and you don't have the ultimate responsibility for them.

 

Sometimes I think the people they come into contact with outside the home have a lot to answer for, teachers, youth workers and the ilk, give them wrong ideas, based on their own hare-brained theories of what kids ought to have the 'right' to do.

 

Luckily, we were always able to discuss things they'd been told, and present another side for consideration. Someone must have told this girl that she should have the implant, for whatever reason. I wonder what 'counselling' she had before she decided it was a good idea to go ahead with it without telling her parents?

 

If it was for painful periods, what would be the rush that they couldn't tell her to go home and at least talk to her parents about it first?

[falpere]

Even if it is contraceptive, is that a bad thing?And what exactly are you annoyed about? The fact that your daughter didn't speak to you first of all, the fact that it was possible to have it done without your consent, or the fact it acknowledges she might be sexually active.

 

If she had come to you to speak about it, would you have encouraged her to get it, or asked her not to?

 

Yes. Because it is condoning under age sex. Anymore silly questions?

[19SazzaLou91]

So there is no difference between fourteen and, say, twenty four?

 

Is the fourteen year old as mentally prepared for a sexual relationship as a twenty four year old? The point that you are missing, is that allowing this sort of treatment is condoning under age sex.

 

Do you know for sure she is sexually active? You keep saying so, but have you found out? Jumping to conclusions, again. It doesn't help.

Try to keep a level head and find out WHY!

[medusa]

Were you an adult at fourteen?

 

If so, do you still act the same way?

 

By the time I was 14 I'd got one parent working abroad and I was carer for the other. I had an awful lot more responsibility than just deciding whether to start taking the pill or have a contraceptive implant and to be honest I was far too busy being a carer to even think about being a 'child'.

 

I got drunk in a pub for the first time when I was 12, having been to the bar myself- I was way too tall for anyone to assume that I was so young. I also smoked from when I was 11. Both were dangerous and I wouldn't recommend that any child drinks or smokes, but I'd grown out of it and given up smoking by the time I was 17 and when I moved out to go to university at 18 being able to cook my own meals, operate a washing machine and do my own ironing was a bonus.

 

Your daughter may not be adult, but if she's 14 then she's less than 2 years away from it being legal for her to have sex and to have a child and her body is already developed enough to do that. She's making a decision for herself and you as a parent have helped her to be mature enough to make that decision.

[HeadingNorth]

Is the fourteen year old as mentally prepared for a sexual relationship as a twenty four year old? The point that you are missing, is that allowing this sort of treatment is condoning under age sex.

 

We're not missing that point; we just know it is not true.

[Alex C.]

Yes. Because it is condoning under age sex. Anymore silly questions?

 

I'm guessing you were a teenager at some point - they don't care if you condone it or forbid it, if they want to have sex, they will.

 

The way forward is to ensure teenagers are adequately prepared for when it happens, whatever age that may be.

 

edit - I'm sure you'll twist this into me condoning under age sex, but that's missing the point. What would you have said if she'd asked your advice on having this fitted first?

[Dozy]

Quite, So why is it called a contraceptive?

 

You must be aware that not everybody who uses the pill or implant is sexually active when they start taking it - after all, you need to take the pill for a few weeks before it actually starts working.

 

Your daughter might have had the implant because she is experiencing sexual desires (I know you probably don't want to hear that, but your sex drive doesn't just suddenly switch on at 16, when sex becomes legal) and is aware that she might end up having intercourse, so is trying to ensure that she doesn't end up pregnant.

 

She's 14, under the age of consent, but she isn't a child, and I think that's what you're finding so hard to cope with - she's not your little girl any more.

 

If you value your relationship with her, then you should follow the advice of a previous poster, and discuss the matter with her calmly and rationally, rather than criticising her - or the clinic - for what she's done.

[falpere]

By the time I was 14 I'd got one parent working abroad and I was carer for the other. I had an awful lot more responsibility than just deciding whether to start taking the pill or have a contraceptive implant and to be honest I was far too busy being a carer to even think about being a 'child'.

 

I got drunk in a pub for the first time when I was 12, having been to the bar myself- I was way too tall for anyone to assume that I was so young. I also smoked from when I was 11. Both were dangerous and I wouldn't recommend that any child drinks or smokes, but I'd grown out of it and given up smoking by the time I was 17 and when I moved out to go to university at 18 being able to cook my own meals, operate a washing machine and do my own ironing was a bonus.

 

Your daughter may not be adult, but if she's 14 then she's less than 2 years away from it being legal for her to have sex and to have a child and her body is already developed enough to do that. She's making a decision for herself and you as a parent have helped her to be mature enough to make that decision.

 

I wish that were the case. She has had this implant because it is the new fashion amongst her pier group.

[HeadingNorth]

I wish that were the case. She has had this implant because it is the new fashion amongst her pier group.

 

 

Didn't you originally say that you hadn't talked to her about it? How do you know what her reasons for getting it were?

[falpere]

You must be aware that not everybody who uses the pill or implant is sexually active when they start taking it - after all, you need to take the pill for a few weeks before it actually starts working.

 

Your daughter might have had the implant because she is experiencing sexual desires (I know you probably don't want to hear that, but your sex drive doesn't just suddenly switch on at 16, when sex becomes legal) and is aware that she might end up having intercourse, so is trying to ensure that she doesn't end up pregnant.

 

She's 14, under the age of consent, but she isn't a child, and I think that's what you're finding so hard to cope with - she's not your little girl any more.

 

If you value your relationship with her, then you should follow the advice of a previous poster, and discuss the matter with her calmly and rationally, rather than criticising her - or the clinic - for what she's done.

 

I don't make the law, I just follow it.