Young teen age girls getting contraceptives without parents' knowledge

[Darth Vader]

falpere, I can totally understand all the emotions you must be going through right now; powerlessness, anger, worry, frustration, and even betrayal.

 

You're right and a good parent to consider the possibility that your daughter may be being groomed but it isn't the only possibility.

 

Your daughter has given a reason. Judging from your posts, it seems you are less than convinced she is completely telling the truth. But at least your daughter did tell you the truthful reason for the bruising and not just cover it up, as others might have done and she does deserve credit for that.

 

Whislt you're feeling in the grip of your emotions it's not the best time to talk to your daughter. It maybe that you think your wife is the best person to do this, but if you wish to speak to your daughter about this when you're feeling calmer, then you should.

 

As far as I'm aware, I don't think you'll get any joy complaining to the NHS, as I think this is policy, but it might be an idea to talk how you feel through with a professional and they could answer any particular questions you have, of a medical nature, in general terms. I'm sure they won't be prepared to talk about your daughter in specific terms, though.

 

I'd tell my daughter that I would have preferred it if she would have discussed the matter with me first, and that in future, I am always there for her and nothing she can say would phase me or make me love her less. I would tell her why I was upset about it, and the worries and reservations I had, so she would know where I was coming from.

 

I would make sure my daughter knew of any associated risks/side effects of the implant and spell it out very clearly that this will not protect her from STDs including HIV, chlamydia, etc and that reliable barrier contraception is the only effective form of contraception in preventing these, - In fact, I'd probably even get the leaflets for all the STDs and leave them with her to look at in her own time. I'd tell her that she doesn't have to make these decisions on her own. I know that she is becoming a young woman, with a mind of her own, and respect that in the end, it is her body and she will make her own decisions, but all I ask is that she gave me the respect, a parent deserves, by running these things by me, so that I can give my advice and opinion, and help and support, whether she chooses to take that on board, or not. I don't know the titles of what's currently available but there are some fantastic leaflets and booklets - if you are worried she is feeling pressured, the Sheffield Centre for HIV and Sexual Health list one called 'Nobody's Choice but Mine' which you might like to read then choose to pass on to your daughter. If you give them a ring, they will probably be able to tell you where to get hold of it. Also, you could ring your daughter's school nurse for a chat and see what information, leaflets, and support she might be able to offer.

 

Give her a hug and plenty of love. It isn't easy growing up in these times, and try not to take it too personally. x

[dieselbabe]

My post is about how i feel about this and i may get a slaughter in some way, and sorry its a long post.

This seems to be popular with teenagers these days, i know 5 girls including my own daughter has had one fitted. I did not know till we went to the walk in centre and seen a poster for young teens to talk about contraception and sexual heath she told me she had one fitted. Yes at first i was a little angry why she never told me, but then i had a think and thought she was been very responsible in doing this. I know she had period problems just like i did has a teen, she was at first on the pill but it did not help her. She was scared to tell me has she thought that i would think she was using it for sexual reasons and not for her symptoms, and at first i did.

 

But i know with this implant not only will it help her periods, but also she wont become a teen mum in the next five years by relying on the pill if it messes up. She seen how i had to cope with been a teen mum and her friends life's messed up having kids so young. So when the time comes i know she not going to mess up her life and become a young mum even thou she tells me she going to wait till she at legal age before anything happens. I know 3 of her friends now have children, one of them is expecting her second child and one got married last year at age 16 with a child, so i know she not out to copy her friends like many do that you read about.

 

I also know her school like 11 other schools have contraceptive and health service days for teens, the teens can go and get free advice about sex and even have free test for pregnancy and STD and give out free condoms or other contraceptives without a parent even knowing your child has been to see them. So its not only family planning places that do this. Im happy she did it to help her symptoms, but im more glad also she not out to copy her other friends that have kids now. It could easy have been a different conversation like my friends 14 year old telling my friend she was pregnant. She had a tough life that most teens would turn to drink drugs or have kids she has not done this. Most parents don't realize just how grown up some of their kids are today, think they all out up to no good and don't know nothing, but i know of plenty of teenagers with grown up heads on their shoulders, know what they want and it shocks me just how much most know these days.

[falpere]

That's truly feeble! You ignore everything sensible I've said, and try and justify your over-reaction by homing in on the fact that she's under the age of consent.

 

Are you so concerned about following the law in other circumstances??? Have you never broken a speed limit, or drank when you were under-age, or had a sneaky spliff??? Have you gone through your life NEVER breaking a law?

 

If your main concern is truly that this implant might encourage your 14 year old daughter to break the law, then I'm not in the least bit surprised that she didn't waste her time talking to you before she had it fitted.

 

Thank you dozy, that's just what I needed. My wife is dealing with my daughter, I have been told to take a back seat while she does so, and that is exactly what I am doing. I doubt that you can put yourself in my shoes at the moment, and why should you?

[falpere]

My post is about how i feel about this and i may get a slaughter in some way, and sorry its a long post.

This seems to be popular with teenagers these days, i know 5 girls including my own daughter has had one fitted. I did not know till we went to the walk in centre and seen a poster for young teens to talk about contraception and sexual heath she told me she had one fitted. Yes at first i was a little angry why she never told me, but then i had a think and thought she was been very responsible in doing this. I know she had period problems just like i did has a teen, she was at first on the pill but it did not help her. She was scared to tell me has she thought that i would think she was using it for sexual reasons and not for her symptoms, and at first i did.

 

But i know with this implant not only will it help her periods, but also she wont become a teen mum in the next five years by relying on the pill if it messes up. She seen how i had to cope with been a teen mum and her friends life's messed up having kids so young. So when the time comes i know she not going to mess up her life and become a young mum even thou she tells me she going to wait till she at legal age before anything happens. I know 3 of her friends now have children, one of them is expecting her second child and one got married last year at age 16 with a child, so i know she not out to copy her friends like many do that you read about.

 

I also know her school like 11 other schools have contraceptive and health service days for teens, the teens can go and get free advice about sex and even have free test for pregnancy and STD and give out free condoms or other contraceptives without a parent even knowing your child has been to see them. So its not only family planning places that do this. Im happy she did it to help her symptoms, but im more glad also she not out to copy her other friends that have kids now. It could easy have been a different conversation like my friends 14 year old telling my friend she was pregnant. She had a tough life that most teens would turn to drink drugs or have kids she has not done this. Most parents don't realize just how grown up some of their kids are today, think they all out up to no good and don't know nothing, but i know of plenty of teenagers with grown up heads on their shoulders, know what they want and it shocks me just how much most know these days.

 

When I noticed it, the first thing my daughter said was sorry dad. I stayed calm and left my wife to do the chat.

 

The thing that we are so upset about is that we had no idea about these things until they were shoved under our noses and we found out the details on the internet.

[rubydazzler]

Excellent post from Darth Vader. Exactly what was needed in the circumstances, a calm, sensible and empathetic summing up.

 

falpere, I wouldn't be too agitated by all the people who've posted on here seeming to be deprecating your worries. We all have different ways of dealing with things, and as I said previously, it's easy to be laid back and dispassionate about what other people's kids get up to. I'm think this may be a turning point, and hopefully your girl will come to appreciate that you are only concerned for her wellbeing because you care about her and love her so much.

[Suffragette1]

Excellent post from Darth Vader. Exactly what was needed in the circumstances, a calm, sensible and empathetic summing up.

 

falpere, I wouldn't be too agitated by all the people who've posted on here seeming to be deprecating your worries. We all have different ways of dealing with things, and as I said previously, it's easy to be laid back and dispassionate about what other people's kids get up to. I'm think this may be a turning point, and hopefully your girl will come to appreciate that you are only concerned for her wellbeing because you care about her and love her so much.

 

I totally understand why falpere is upset and I think most fathers would be in these circumstances. I would also be concerned and would be trying to have a sensible conversation about not feeling pressured into having sex as well as stressing the importance of barrier methods of contraception to prevent STIs.

 

She's also probably embarrassed discussing it with her father, I know that I would have been mortified.

 

I've got all of this to come in a few years and am frankly dreading it.

[AJ sheffield]

That's truly feeble! You ignore everything sensible I've said, and try and justify your over-reaction by homing in on the fact that she's under the age of consent.

 

Are you so concerned about following the law in other circumstances??? Have you never broken a speed limit, or drank when you were under-age, or had a sneaky spliff??? Have you gone through your life NEVER breaking a law?

 

If your main concern is truly that this implant might encourage your 14 year old daughter to break the law, then I'm not in the least bit surprised that she didn't waste her time talking to you before she had it fitted.

 

If he had I'm pretty sure HeadingNorth would have been involved in that thread a lot earlier on than he was in this thread.

[dieselbabe]

When I noticed it, the first thing my daughter said was sorry dad. I stayed calm and left my wife to do the chat.

 

The thing that we are so upset about is that we had no idea about these things until they were shoved under our noses and we found out the details on the internet.

 

Don't get me wrong, i fully understand you been upset, i was the same when i found out about my daughter. It was the service at her school that told her about this implant because the pill was not working. it was not a family planning place that told her. They told her i did not need to know unless she wanted to tell me, i think that got me more mad to be honest then anything else.

[falpere]

Because you're over-reacting to an absurd degree; because you're being hypocritical by claiming to follow the law and yet ranting and raving because a family planning clinic worker also followed the law; because you're accusing everyone who tries to give you sensible advice of being silly, ignorant, or worse...

 

 

....take your pick, really. You've embarrassed yourself on so many counts.

 

I see what you mean about embarassing yourself.

[falpere]

I totally understand why falpere is upset and I think most fathers would be in these circumstances. I would also be concerned and would be trying to have a sensible conversation about not feeling pressured into having sex as well as stressing the importance of barrier methods of contraception to prevent STIs.

 

She's also probably embarrassed discussing it with her father, I know that I would have been mortified.

 

I've got all of this to come in a few years and am frankly dreading it.

 

Thanks Suffragette1, Don't dread it too much, there are good times as well!