I can't handle my grief..

[beckelina]

Me and my Gran both found this poem helpful to read when my Grandad died:

 

In The Next Room -by unknown

 

Death is nothing at all;

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name.

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no difference in your tone,

Wear no forced air or solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval,

somewhere very near,

just around the corner.

All is Well.

[Dozy]

The "firsts" are always the hardest to cope with. The first day back at work, the first time you go somewhere you associate with your gran, the first birthday/Christmas when she isn't there, etc, etc.

 

There's no correct or easy way to handle grief, everybody does it differently. With this being the first time you've lost somebody close to you, it's going to be extra hard to cope with. When my mother died, I felt grief, anger (towards her and others in the family), relief (she had cancer), disbelief, self-pity and guilt, which I found very confusing and hard to cope with.

 

There's some useful stuff on the CRUSE website, which might help you to understand what you're going through at the moment.

 

You do need to let your feelings out - by crying, by talking to somebody, by writing them down, by posting on a Forum, please don't bottle everything up, it makes it so much harder for you. And go with the flow, take each day as it comes and don't have any expectations of how you "should" cope, there's no timetable for grief, we all get through it in our own way.

[GUZZIOWL]

Eighup love , i'm sorry to hear about your loss and understand fully about not being able to handle grief. My son died on 4th June 08 ( 2nd anniversary tomorrow ) and i had to have bereavement councelling (via my G.P ) for 12 months , and have been on blood pressure tablets since Adam ( my son ) died ,and i'm like a nervous wreck at times .

I visit him every week / 10 days in Ecclesfield cemetery , and i find life so difficult without him ..crying is a good thing,if you need to cry , then do so ( i still cry at least once a week ) all the best ..Guzziowl x

[chimay]

Sorry to hear about your loss. You've been given good advise on here. Talk to people, see your GP if you need to etc. My suggestion is when you feel up to it make a scrapbook or prepare a special box and fill it with special things -photos, mementos, written words etc. Then you'll have a special place to think about your gran and maybe in time you'll be able to share it with other members of your family.

[Plain Talker]

As others have said, everyone grieves differently, at different rates, so there's no point in saying "It's been X weeks/ months, I should be feeling like this..."

 

Let the grief happen, and mourn for your Gran:- understand that there will be days where it will feel hard, and days when it feels better.

 

Concentrate on remembering the happy times, the special things that you and your Gran did, the funny little quirks that both amused and exasperated you about her.

 

My mother died 26-odd years ago, she had a brain haemorrhage at the tender age of 38.

 

There are still the occasional days where I fleetingly forget that she's gone, and I think "Oh, I must tell my mum about this, or that" or "Oh, my mum would howl laughing at -----" and then I get that gut-wrench as I realise she's gone.

 

The days do get easier, I promise you, as time passes. It's more a matter of getting through it, than getting over it. (the phrasing "getting over it" smacks more, to me of "it didn't matter that she's gone", whereas getting through it, IMO, acknowledges that this person mattered).

 

If you feel Shell-shocked, then acknowledge that you have the right to feel shell-shocked...

 

If you feel like you want to have a bit of a wobble, and a weep, then, go ahead... have a wobble or a weep about it.

 

Don't feel guilty if you want to laugh at something.

 

get through it all at your own pace.

 

and I know words can be cheap at times like this, but, my sympathies at your loss. It's never easy, whether the loved-one we lose is old or young, and whether their passing is sudden or expected, it's still an awful time to work your way through.

[totley_girl]

Hi everybody,

 

Thank for your kind words. I've had a bit of a break through today after reading your messages and speaking to a colleague at work who lost someone close to them earlier this year. I feel a bit better. Thankyou again.

 

Jen x

[Ju-Ju]

I'm sorry for your loss totley girl. You've had lots of really warm messages so I don't have anything new to add, just want to echo the comment above about Cruse - I have also heard very good things about them. Wishing you well x

[melthebell]

sorry to hear your gran died, its tough especially if your really close.

i've lost about 20 or so close friends and aquaintences over the years not counting older family members.

it never disappears but does soften given time, they are always there in the back of your mind however

what i do, occasionly when im not up to much have a quiet minute and think about them and you in a good time......smile......its what they would want

 

good luck

[buck]

I lost my wife in a car crash, back in 1979. I was in the car too and was too badly injured to have a funeral for her. For nearly two years I couldn't be consoled. But I talked about it, perhaps even boring my listeners, and slowly but surely I came back to life. I remarried and am very happy. I was married to Pat for 23 years, and have been married to Pauline 29 years, so I had a kind of split Golden wedding.