Dont forget. Men are sometimes Victims of Domestic Violence too

[DragonofAna]

Examples please? I would define abuse as when the abused starts to modify their behaviour* for fear of an adverse reaction, which by definition is manipulation and control.

 

*By this I mean acceptable behaviours, not coming home drunk or flirting outrageously with other people, which would upset most men and women.

 

I know two people who are, in my mind, extremely unpleasant to each other, but have been married for a long time and it seems to work for them. I am sure that when I was in a relationship if I had gone anywhere near what either of these two did I would have received a frying pan over the head from my partner at the very least.

A person being ordered around like a slave is something that I find really difficult to accept, but some people actually love it - it's still abuse. Any put down or insult is abuse but like I said - the amount and what couples see as acceptable is varied.

And then you have those who are treated worse than dogs, but they seem to be able to handle it (I stress seem to be able). Makes me cringe but does not seem to bother them.

[Suffragette1]

I know two people who are, in my mind, extremely unpleasant to each other, but have been married for a long time and it seems to work for them. I am sure that when I was in a relationship if I had gone anywhere near what either of these two did I would have received a frying pan over the head from my partner at the very least.

A person being ordered around like a slave is something that I find really difficult to accept, but some people actually love it - it's still abuse. Any put down or insult is abuse but like I said - the amount and what couples see as acceptable is varied.

And then you have those who are treated worse than dogs, but they seem to be able to handle it (I stress seem to be able). Makes me cringe but does not seem to bother them.

 

I know couples like that too, they make Martha and George look like positively docile. As you say, if it works for them and both are happy with that state of affairs, then good luck to them. Some couples seem to thrive on it.

 

However, when one party is cowed, afraid and feels like they're treading on eggshells, then it is unquestionably abuse.

 

One thing that I've noticed in relationships where the woman is abusive is that she often makes threats of suicide. The men I have known in these situations have stayed out of a sense of guilt and responsibility.

[DragonofAna]

One thing that I've noticed in relationships where the woman is abusive is that she often makes threats of suicide. The men I have known in these situations have stayed out of a sense of guilt and responsibility.

 

Some men put up with the abuse in the belief that by them accepting the wrath of their partner, at least this spares their children. If the man leaves then the children then become the only outlet of anger for the female.

 

There is a whole set of thought about men who are abused - that they ought to get some backbone; that they are wimps; that they are cowards; but it is rarely the case.

 

I knew a man who was 6 foot 6 inches and built like a ten ton brick out house. His wife was about 4 foot 5 inches and would beat the seven bells out of him, but if any bloke had a go at him then they were in for a world of pain. This man put up with the abuse for years. When asked he told me he could not leave her because he loved her and that there were times when she was like a totally different person - loving and caring.

 

Anyhow - just - nothing is straightforward. It's easy to pass judgment from the outside, but different when you are on the receiving end.