medusa Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 The first time that I remember my dad getting really angry and being old enough to grasp what he was angry about was after an interview with someone on Radio 4 who insisted that every man had the potential to be a paedophile and therefore society should be worried every time that a father is seen cuddling a naked child, bathing a child or changing a nappy. My dad is (to me, his baby, at least) 9 parts teddy bear and 1 part cuddly jumper, with a smidgeon of family protector thrown in. He's 6'5 and I know that I have the power to reduce him to tears in an instant when I hurt. When I was taken from the Weston Park to the multi-disciplinary team at the Royal Orthopaedic in Birmingham for an emergency second opinion on my treatment when my tumour returned, my dad was in Paris when I left Sheffield and he was running towards the ambulance in Birmingham when we arrived there. I have no idea who he bribed or what he said to get from Paris in an hour and half, but that's the kind of dad that my dad is. He was, quite understandably, incensed that anyone was suggesting that every father was worthy of distrust and should be labelled just because they are male and love their children and I join him in this anger. This happened 30 years ago BTW, so the distrust of men around children is certainly not a new thing. I know far more great dads than I do absent fathers who don't care, and long may it stay that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chinaski Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 The first time that I remember my dad getting really angry and being old enough to grasp what he was angry about was after an interview with someone on Radio 4 who insisted that every man had the potential to be a paedophile and therefore society should be worried every time that a father is seen cuddling a naked child, bathing a child or changing a nappy. My dad is (to me, his baby, at least) 9 parts teddy bear and 1 part cuddly jumper, with a smidgeon of family protector thrown in. He's 6'5 and I know that I have the power to reduce him to tears in an instant when I hurt. When I was taken from the Weston Park to the multi-disciplinary team at the Royal Orthopaedic in Birmingham for an emergency second opinion on my treatment when my tumour returned, my dad was in Paris when I left Sheffield and he was running towards the ambulance in Birmingham when we arrived there. I have no idea who he bribed or what he said to get from Paris in an hour and half, but that's the kind of dad that my dad is. He was, quite understandably, incensed that anyone was suggesting that every father was worthy of distrust and should be labelled just because they are male and love their children and I join him in this anger. This happened 30 years ago BTW, so the distrust of men around children is certainly not a new thing. I know far more great dads than I do absent fathers who don't care, and long may it stay that way. You put that well. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm not screaming out about the injustice, I just simply find it odd that Dad's almost have to qualify their presence. I often go to soft play centres and a few times a child has come up to me asking me to lift them up onto some slide or apparatus . . . Instead of just doing so I wait until the mother approaches and then ask her permission. That's not right. A mother wouldn't feel the need to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Like all stereotypes there is a grain of truth in the image of a stand off, hands off dad who never cries, never helps out and is a bit of a caveman. The truth is they are in the minority. Most men do some of the chores, help out with the baby, do some of the cooking and show their emotions and they're more manly and more rounded for it. TV treats us like we're either potential rapists, sociopaths or useless and it shows. I was very hands on when my kid was born (i had to be, I worked 8.30-4.30 she worked 5-10) and the amount of times i was looked at like I was a deviant was distressing to say the least. On a seperate but related note there was a study last year that slated modern fiction and childrens programmes because it shows the father figure as ineffective and useless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discodown Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I often go to soft play centres and a few times a child has come up to me asking me to lift them up onto some slide or apparatus . . . Instead of just doing so I wait until the mother approaches and then ask her permission. That's not right. A mother wouldn't feel the need to do so. I feel you, last year I was getting off a bus and there was a mum with a pram and a toddler, the toddler ran off the bus and was messing around on the pavement, mum was held up for whatever reason on the bus. I daren't hold the toddlers hand or restrain them from the road in some way for fear of what i'd be called, so I settled for stopping and keeping an eye on her. that can't be right where we live in a society where i'm afraid to help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I feel you, last year I was getting off a bus and there was a mum with a pram and a toddler, the toddler ran off the bus and was messing around on the pavement, mum was held up for whatever reason on the bus. I daren't hold the toddlers hand or restrain them from the road in some way for fear of what i'd be called, so I settled for stopping and keeping an eye on her. that can't be right where we live in a society where i'm afraid to help? It's not just men though for some people. Although some parents are more trusting of other women than they are of men, there are also times when any adult is subject to the 'stranger danger' thing and, like you, I probably wouldn't grab hold of that hypothetical toddler because of the things that I've heard said in an accusatory tone whilst removing a child at high speed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chinaski Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 I feel you, last year I was getting off a bus and there was a mum with a pram and a toddler, the toddler ran off the bus and was messing around on the pavement, mum was held up for whatever reason on the bus. I daren't hold the toddlers hand or restrain them from the road in some way for fear of what i'd be called, so I settled for stopping and keeping an eye on her. that can't be right where we live in a society where i'm afraid to help? Well, I'm glad I'm not alone. I had the same with the pregnancy, post birth period. I happily jogged up with the OH for the appointments yet when it came to the 3rd, 4th one, I told my OH I wasn't going to bother anymore. We're told to play an active part yet each time I went to these appointments the midwife or nurse didn't direct her questions at me, or even look me in the eye. Sod it. I didn't need it. But let's not spout this empty rhetoric about how men are disinterested. It's like "Mothersunited.org". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloomdido Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I don't get the connection! It goes from signing a book to domestic abuse. I'm confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carly83 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Two weeks ago on BBC Breakfast there was an article aimed at women and domestic violence. Apparently while we watch football we like a drink and then afterwards we take our frustrations out on The Wife by beating the crap out of her. I find these crass generalisations offensive, mostly due to the severity of the actions that are implied. 99.9% of men/ fathers I know wouldn't dream of hitting their wives/ partners or abusing their children. been there lived that (football not really having anything to do with domestic violence though), and had dealings with a paedo! anyway as well as being with someone like that i also grew up with my mum having a string of blokes like that (violent not peado), how ever ive never met a man and assumed he was no good, i take people on there own merit. it really annoys me when these do gooders think well some have been abused lets protect them all by out casting men! its idiot i know so many men than are great to the oh and fab dads, surely respect should be automaticly given and only removed when warrented. because of my child hood and a man i was once with my self my pychologist made the assumption that my husband must knock me about as well, again something that really annoyed me as my oh is the softest bloke ive ever known i seriously think that if he even hurt me by accident he'd proberly cry lol. also there has been several women in the papers/on the news who have been abusers my hubby does more of the school side of things with are daughter due to my dissability, and one of the teachers is sooooo bitchy, she seems to have a right attitude problem, she knows that my hubby isnt my daughter birth father but has been there since she was 6 weeks old (will be 10 this year) any the teacher asked the kids is any of there parents could help for the school trip my daughter put her hand up and said my dad can to which the teacher said "your step dad" no my dad my littlen said "step dad" said the teacher. that afternoon my littlen came home and said is dad my step dad? well we've always said that (xxx) is your father as he helped make you but dad is your dad as he loves you lots and gives you cuddles when your sad and takes you on fun days out, never any mention of step dad! also the teacher was aware that her biologic father is in prison for paedophilla which makes her "correction" even worse! flipping silly moo cow teacher grrr :rant: ok rant over lol still think fathers should be treat same as mothers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vague_Boy Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Did no-one ever tell you that us men are the spawn of satan. Seems to be a common theme for the likes of Harriet Harperson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weazel2006 Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Did no-one ever tell you that us men are the spawn of satan. If there is evil in the world - you can bet it's in the form of a man. Can you blame anyone for taking precautions when all the world's ills are the fault of men? So maggie thatcher really was a bloke then? There are plenty of deadbeat dads and those who like to smack their other half around, but yeah the image of a male hitting a woman is firmly entrenched in peoples minds and you need only raise your voice a little and people automatically think the worst of you. I have actually known more women ragging their kids around, smacking and losing their temper than men.....we men just keep shush and work out the frustrations with a pint or a whine about football. Take away those 2 things and we will beat you without mercy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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