falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Buy him some mouth wash and deodorant and make it clear that he should use them regularly. Plus, make a point of constantly washing his favourite clothes. Don't try and stop him smoking, use guile and cunning to reinforce how anti-social it is. If he comes in to watch TV with you insist that he changes his clothes, etc. Thats quite clever, you artful devil you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 The one thing that I'd like you to understand falpere- I smoked from when I was 11, drank like a fish from when I was 12, went on the pill at 14 and still worked hard at school, went to university and did as many good things for myself and my family as I could. On top of that, I gave up smoking and drinking completely when I was 17 and didn't touch alcohol at all for another 10 years afterwards, even though I was a student and living with a group of people for whom being drunk was a participation sport. Your son is still your son and still has all of the lovely qualities that he had before you realised he was smoking. Be calm, talk to him and make sure you tell him that even though you disapprove of him smoking, you love him anyway, and with a bit of luck he'll grow out of it like I did. Wise words medusa.Thank you. I haven't let on to him that I know what he is up to yet, this has been quite a tough thing for me to do believe me! I want him to know that I am telling him for his own good, and that I still love him no matter what. The thing I am struggling with is how to tell him without him thinking 'Dad's a right push over, I can get away with murder if I make the right noises', while at the same time trying to discipline him without loosing my wrag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 i personally told both my lads if i ever found out they had started smoking id hammer them and chuck em out on the street..niether of them have smoked, but thank fully niether of them succum to peer pressure easily and have minds of their own. Not sure I agree with your tactics armchair dog. Seems that they don't have minds of their own, just scared to death of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Wise words medusa.Thank you. I haven't let on to him that I know what he is up to yet, this has been quite a tough thing for me to do believe me! I want him to know that I am telling him for his own good, and that I still love him no matter what. The thing I am struggling with is how to tell him without him thinking 'Dad's a right push over, I can get away with murder if I make the right noises', while at the same time trying to discipline him without loosing my wrag. This is something that I'm not sure you understood from the other thread- I was not a 'nice girl' when growing up, but I still think that overall I made a pretty much OK daughter and responsible member of society and I think that thinking about your daughter's actions as a loving and responsible daughter who has made a plan to avoid teenage pregnancy would be the best course. The implant in her arm doesn't stop her from being your pride and joy I know that it's not a nice thing to think about with your children becoming young adults so quickly, but boundary testing and trying out new things is all part of being a teenager, just as much as the mouthing off and telling you that they hate you and everything you do, want, stand for etc. I'm a great believer in the adage 'you can't make someone else's mistakes for them, they have to do it themselves' and generations of teens have shown that they're not that great at decision making and are likely to make some pretty awful ones (you should have SEEN some of my boyfriends at that stage!) but they have to make the crap decisions to learn from them and not even the most loving parent can take their knocks for them because the knocks are an important part of learning and growing. Once they're out of this stage they will still be the lovely young people with all of the values that you've helped them to develop through all your parenting. I hope that you manage to keep yourself in check long enough to discuss these trials and tribulations with your children without pushing them away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jalko27 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 when my mum found out i had started smoking she didnt shout or make a big deal of it just said she was really disappointed in me and it hurt me more knowing she was disapointed i would just have a talk and outline the dangers and the cost and see where it goes from there x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 i started smoking at 13 (through my own choice not peer presure) and been told i couldnt seemed to make me want to even more, there wasn't the images and warnings every where like there is now though! i gave up last september with no patches gum pills or any other devices they now have out i just decided i was missing out on thing due to the money side of it, i was smoking 20 a day costing about £5.20 a day now of course i knew this was adding up to a fair bit but it only hit home when i started doing the maths. 20 a day for 7 days = £36.40 1 month = £145.60 1 year = £1892.80 10 years = £18928 and it was this that brought me to giving up, also when you visit the stop smoking lady at the doctors they will do a co2 test which can also be pretty shocking and make it hit home, maybe try influencing how it could effect his finances when his older, put a travel brochure on his bed with a 2 grand holiday circled when he questions it tell him that the average smoking cost for one year! or pics of games consoles, cars motor bikes etc as lets face it you ban a child from doing something then 99% of them are going to want to do it even more! Your maths were a good reason to quit carly', let alone the risks to your health. May I ask why you started in the first place? It wasn't due to peer pressure, was it due to beeing told you can't by your parents, or by the powers that be saying that you could not smoke until the age of 16? I wuold be interested to know your reasons for starting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 when my mum found out i had started smoking she didnt shout or make a big deal of it just said she was really disappointed in me and it hurt me more knowing she was disapointed i would just have a talk and outline the dangers and the cost and see where it goes from there x Emotional blackmail. Did it stop you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoddyHolder Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 20 capstan full strength(do they still make them) sit him/her down and make them smoke everyone one after the other by they time they get to 9 or 10 they will not want to see another cigarette ever.never mind smoke one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 This is something that I'm not sure you understood from the other thread- I was not a 'nice girl' when growing up, but I still think that overall I made a pretty much OK daughter and responsible member of society and I think that thinking about your daughter's actions as a loving and responsible daughter who has made a plan to avoid teenage pregnancy would be the best course. The implant in her arm doesn't stop her from being your pride and joy I know that it's not a nice thing to think about with your children becoming young adults so quickly, but boundary testing and trying out new things is all part of being a teenager, just as much as the mouthing off and telling you that they hate you and everything you do, want, stand for etc. I'm a great believer in the adage 'you can't make someone else's mistakes for them, they have to do it themselves' and generations of teens have shown that they're not that great at decision making and are likely to make some pretty awful ones (you should have SEEN some of my boyfriends at that stage!) but they have to make the crap decisions to learn from them and not even the most loving parent can take their knocks for them because the knocks are an important part of learning and growing. Once they're out of this stage they will still be the lovely young people with all of the values that you've helped them to develop through all your parenting. I hope that you manage to keep yourself in check long enough to discuss these trials and tribulations with your children without pushing them away. I understood perfectly medusa, just didn't agree with certain things. However, that thread was closed by yourself at the right time. I have dealt with those issues in a manner that has brought a closer understanding between my daughter and I. Back on topic. When I was a kid (not a good one by any means, probably mixed company with you!!), The dangers of smoking were not made as clear as they are now. Nowadays the dangers of smoking are plastered all over the place. Fag packets show awefull images. If the effects are so bad, why does the government not ban them and relieve the drain on our health care and stop the worry of pain in the butt parents like me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falpere Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 20 capstan full strength(do they still make them) sit him/her down and make them smoke everyone one after the other by they time they get to 9 or 10 they will not want to see another cigarette ever.never mind smoke one Unless they are allready on twenty a day, in which case they would look forward to a good telling off! No. They don't make CFS anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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