The best way to deal with neighbours.

[sushi]

Me and my husband are moving to a nice house in a nice area to share with a friend. We are taking the place of our friends (also a married couple) who are emigrating.

Now this may seem like a strange thread seeing as we arent there yet but we have heard from our friends that the neighbours on one side can be a little demanding when it comes to the amount of noise that my friends house can make. This only applies to after 6pm, when they are home from work. They do have a couple of young children who go to bed quite early and that is respected.

My friends that are there do not make excessive noise, they are generally quiet, chilled out people.

Examples of complaints are;

 

Phoning up to complain that the television is too loud.

Phoning to complain that guests are making too much noise when talking.

Complaining about noise when my friends are out in the garden chatting.

 

Now before everyone goes off on one, all of these things have happened before 7pm. The phonecalls about guests talking too loud have been when a couple of people have been round for tea! Its hardly party central.

These are just examples that I know of.

My concern is that in the case of the tv, when I have visited it is on so quiet to keep next door sweet that I cant hear it over general ambient noise, like a car driving past or anyone talking even quietly. Which i think is slightly unreasonable.

I appreciate that they want quiet, as I will too as I start work at 5am most days, but im not willing to tiptoe round in the very early evening because they insist on complete silence in their house.

 

Im not planning on being a bad neighbour but i would appreciate any advice on how to deal with any issues that may arise. All I require is to have a normal conversation and watch tv comfortably in my own home.

What do you think is a reasonable thing to say?

 

From what I can gather it was an old lady that lived alone there before my friends moved in, so they will have moved there when it would have been very quiet all the time.

I believe that people have to adapt to small changes, and while I am willing to make some effort to be a good neighbour, I would like the favour returned so my comfort level is taken into consideration too.

 

Any advice is welcome. Its a funny one.

[HotPhil]

You'll need to be keeping a log of every time they complain. And also keep a log of when they make the same kind of disturbances to you. Just in case they decide to get all official with things later.

Personally, it sounds like they might need a reality check and perhaps a polite word sooner rather than later if they start to complain would be a good approach.

You have a right to a) live your life reasonably and b) not put up with whinging/bullying from people with unrealistic expectations of what normal life is.

[LibertyBell]

Just act as if you know nothing about the history. Be as friendly as you can and do everything to get along with them.

 

In this way you will foster harmony and allow them to realise that you are a lovely neighbour. All will be peace and love. Then, if they complain, burn their house down.

[Rupert_Baehr]

.... We are taking the place of our friends (also a married couple) who are emigrating...

 

Is there a message in that?

[sushi]

This is what Im thinking. I have had a complaining neighbour many years ago. At first it was justified, we just didnt realise how much noise carried. So we stopped playing music and crept around. We even came to an agreement with them about what time i could practise my music (between 4 and 5pm only). When all the initial noise died down and there wasnt need for complaint, they started ringing the poor officer in charge at the council about hoovering in the afternoon, toilet flushing and the noise that was made because we didnt have a hallway carpet. We did have one by the way. Also a complaint was made that one of our guests was revving an engine at 4 in the morning when we didnt have any guests. Out of a block of 300 flats it had to be us apparently. This was years ago but it was so stressful as we were threatened with eviction. Not being able to flush the loo without worrying was a big thing. I moved in the end.

My point is that I dont want a repeat performance of this. I dont need the worry. Cheers for your reply HotPhil.

[sushi]

Is there a message in that?

I dont know what you mean?

Im only stating that to give an idea of the situation. Alot of people on this forum would draw the conclusion that if its 3 people sharing they must be noisy party animal students or something. Not saying you would but Im sure you know what I mean.

We are all sensible grown ups!

[Dozy]

It sounds as if they've been pandered to for too long! Complaining about midnight parties is one thing, but expecting total silence at 7pm is unreasonable.

 

So what if they have small children - small children don't (or shouldn't) need absolute silence in order to sleep! Waking them up at 11pm at night by sticking Black Sabbath on at full volume is not appropriate - but you should be able to have your TV on loudly enough to be able to hear it.

 

I'd wait until the first time they complain, then explain politely that you don't think you're making too noise, you're just acting like normal people and you're very sorry if that's upsetting them, but you're not prepared to live in silence to suit them.

 

One of the problems with city life is that you usually have to put up with a certain amount of noise/nuisance from neighbours - but you're equally likely to annoy them at some time, so the situation has to be one of give and take.

[sushi]

It sounds as if they've been pandered to for too long! Complaining about midnight parties is one thing, but expecting total silence at 7pm is unreasonable.

 

So what if they have small children - small children don't (or shouldn't) need absolute silence in order to sleep! Waking them up at 11pm at night by sticking Black Sabbath on at full volume is not appropriate - but you should be able to have your TV on loudly enough to be able to hear it.

 

I'd wait until the first time they complain, then explain politely that you don't think you're making too noise, you're just acting like normal people and you're very sorry if that's upsetting them, but you're not prepared to live in silence to suit them.

 

One of the problems with city life is that you usually have to put up with a certain amount of noise/nuisance from neighbours - but you're equally likely to annoy them at some time, so the situation has to be one of give and take.

 

All I require is to be able to live in my new house and enjoy it. It will be the first time in about 6 years that I will have a garden (and a lovely one at that.) I will want to have bbqs of an afternoon sometimes and not be scowled at.

[Dozy]

All I require is to be able to live in my new house and enjoy it. It will be the first time in about 6 years that I will have a garden (and a lovely one at that.) I will want to have bbqs of an afternoon sometimes and not be scowled at.

My bold

 

And you're perfectly entitled to do that!

 

Just as your neighbour's children are entitled to play out in their garden and probably make a horrendous row and disturb you when you want to sit in your garden and relax. Like I said, it's give and take, just make sure you're not doing all the giving and they're not doing all the taking.

 

If they complain, unjustifiably, and continue to complain, I should start using words like "harassment" and "unreasonable", because that is exactly what their behaviour would be.

[Pighills]

I'd point out to them that, unfortunately that's the downside of living in a terrace/semi-detached house. if they want perfect peace and quiet they will need to invest in a detached house!