Grandkids, How much is too much?

[bluevan]

My sister is always dumping her daughter on my mum , and my mum who has never said "no" to anything her entire life just says she doesnt mind, The child goes to nursery 3 days a week, my mum has her all day tuesday and sunday, monday day and sometimes wednesday, this child is only 3, I dont think its right, A child that young should be with its mother and father , especially when shes at nursery 3 days a week aswell, Also my sister and her husband dont work so its not as if my mum has there child while there working, It basically so they can have a "break", Now ofcourse everyone needs a break but when your own mother has your child more than you surely thats not right! It irritates me that my sister puts on my mum like this and that my mum cant say no, Its kinda emotional blackmail cos my sister knows the child will ask for my mum and that my mum will take her, Also my mums health isnt good and isnt well enough to be looking after her daughter all the time, A grandparent should see there grandkids and then give them back not share the parental duties!

[BettyBooHoo!]

I think you're right, the child should be with her parents whenever possible. A break is a break but if the little girl goes to nursery 3 days per week, surely that's break enough, especially given that neither parent works.

 

Why have a child if you don't want to look after & spend time with them? I can't understand why anyone's child isn't their whole world, I hate being away from my little boy, if i didn't have to go to work, i'd never leave him.

 

Also, it makes it all the worse that you say your mum's health isn't too good.

 

Lucky for your mum, your post shows that she has at least one off spring that cares for her welfare. Maybe a friendly but firm word in your sister's ear is needed. X

[bluevan]

Im afraid me and my sister dont get on , we never have, She always puts on my mum and doesnt do anything to help her, I live the other side of the city and do as much as I can when i visit her fridays, I have a 3 yr old boy aswell, He starts nursery in sept, I love spending time with him and although its hard work its worth it, my husband works nights so he is here in the days to help with him, My son is hyper and hardwork , my sisters daughter is quite lazy and easily amused, in bed early, not hardwork at all, and after all this my sister is on about having another child! I told mam its her fault cos shes made it all too easy for her, she lived with my mum for the first yr and half! very easy and yet she still acts like shes had it hard, Ive no patience for lazy people!

[Aries22]

Lets hope that the goverment does,nt allow both parents not to work, other than that, let your mum decide what she wants. She may think that looking after her grandchild is the most fulfilling thing in life.

[BettyBooHoo!]

Im afraid me and my sister dont get on , we never have, She always puts on my mum and doesnt do anything to help her, I live the other side of the city and do as much as I can when i visit her fridays, I have a 3 yr old boy aswell, He starts nursery in sept, I love spending time with him and although its hard work its worth it, my husband works nights so he is here in the days to help with him, My son is hyper and hardwork , my sisters daughter is quite lazy and easily amused, in bed early, not hardwork at all, and after all this my sister is on about having another child! I told mam its her fault cos shes made it all too easy for her, she lived with my mum for the first yr and half! very easy and yet she still acts like shes had it hard, Ive no patience for lazy people!

 

Me neither. You sound just like me! You are so right, it is extremely hard work looking after a three year old but at the same time, in my eyes, it's the best & most rewarding job in the world. You're sister's little girl sounds like an angel in comparison to my hyper little monkey!

Why on earth is she wanting another if she can't be bothered with the first one?

[Suffragette1]

My sister is always dumping her daughter on my mum , and my mum who has never said "no" to anything her entire life just says she doesnt mind, The child goes to nursery 3 days a week, my mum has her all day tuesday and sunday, monday day and sometimes wednesday, this child is only 3, I dont think its right, A child that young should be with its mother and father , especially when shes at nursery 3 days a week aswell, Also my sister and her husband dont work so its not as if my mum has there child while there working, It basically so they can have a "break", Now ofcourse everyone needs a break but when your own mother has your child more than you surely thats not right! It irritates me that my sister puts on my mum like this and that my mum cant say no, Its kinda emotional blackmail cos my sister knows the child will ask for my mum and that my mum will take her, Also my mums health isnt good and isnt well enough to be looking after her daughter all the time, A grandparent should see there grandkids and then give them back not share the parental duties!

I agree - it's not fair to impose on grandparents like this, unless they actively want to have such a hands on role. The way I see it is that it's time for them (the grandparents) to enjoy their retirement (if they are retired) and hopefully they will want to have a relationship with their grandchildren, but they should not be seen as secondary carers.

[Weazel2006]

There is having a break and then taking the wee and at the detriment to the child.

 

When our daughter was born it was a hell of a shock to the system, lots of sleepless nights, alot to come to terms with, responsibilities, routines and the health of our newborn......we needed a break now and again and got some support.

 

Then as we grew stronger and got into the swing of things that help was not needed half as much and now we get the occasional few hours or night to ourselves once in a blue moon.

 

Sounds more to me like they are passing their child off to try get their lives back to what they were before the child was born, like most other people it would be ok (still not to this extent) if they were working and it was a tough time for them...but as they are not i fail to see the reason for the child to be in the grandparents care so much.

 

The grandmother sounds great, but maybe she has concerns over parenting and would rather the child have routine?...Would seriously talk to these 2 about their actions before it seriously impacts the little one.

 

Reign back the help, visit more often and put the responsibility back on the parents.

[Anna B]

Can you invite your Mum up to your house or out for lunch etc so she isn't always available. It might break the cycle.

[Kthebean]

Can you invite your Mum up to your house or out for lunch etc so she isn't always available. It might break the cycle.

 

This is probably the best idea get your mum involved in something else. Does she have any hobbies? She may well be lonely and she might enjoy the feeling of being 'needed' by your sister. Maybe you could get her involved in some charity work locally or at the hospital where she goes, for example.

[BananaSplit]

This kind of reminds me of a time years and years ago when my eldest was a toddler, and my brother and his wife had their first child when mine was 2 yrs old.

 

My Mum has never been able to say no to my brothers, but happily says it me.

 

Going back to when their baby was born, it used to infuriate me that my Mum would often cancel coming to see me because my sis-in-law needed to go shopping so she was minding the baby.

 

They both had cars, oodles of money and yet made a song and dance out of not being able to go shopping with the baby. Meanwhile, I had to walk to the supermarket and back 2 or 3 times a week because I couldn't get a decent shop because of taking my son in the pram.

 

What I'm saying is, I think some siblings just have a knack of knowing how to manipulate your parents, and sadly when kids are used as 'bait' (for the want of a better word) the grandparent finds it difficult to say no.