Why do i feel like i'm going to be on my own forever?

[S10SHEFF]

Here's my story,

 

I have been single for quite a while now after being married for a few years, Unfortunately things didn't work out and we ended up separating.

 

I do have some health issues, Nothing too serious but basically i am a single parent, I have my child most of the time, Although my child's mum has my kid 2 sometimes 3 days a week as my child lives with me but we agreed to have joint custody.

 

I feel like i'm trapped? I moved to Sheffield a good few years ago to be with my ex and i have stayed here because of my child as i would never abandon my child like some men do, I still don't know hardly anyone in the area apart from my ex and her family.

 

I do feel as if i am not going to meet anyone, As i don't get much free time it's hard to go out and try and find someone, Also i can only just afford to pay my bills and buy food so can't really afford to go anywhere, But also as i have a few health issues and i'm a single parent and separated i feel that a lot of women would be put off by this and not be interested? Obviously there are plenty of nice women around but there's also a lot of not so nice women around who probably would not be very understanding and might care more about money.

 

To me money isn't everything, A good loving caring relationship is much more important to me, I just want to find a woman who will basically accept me for who i am and wants to be with me.

 

I'm not perfect but i guess no-one is, I have made mistakes in the past although i have learned from them, I'm not a bad person, i don't lie or cheat and don't have an ego or try to be someone i am not so i consider myself to be a decent enough person, I also don't smoke, Would never touch drugs and barely ever touch alcohol.

 

How can i be more positive and try and find someone nice who wants me for who i am? Because sometimes it gets me down a little bit when it seems as though i am going to remain single forever.

[whitehorses]

Hi,

I'm sure you won't be on your own forever.It just feels that way for you right now.

Do you think you might have a bit of depression?

You say it's not too easy to get out and meet people, but have you considered single parent groups?Don't recoil in horror at the suggestion, I had a family member join one of these groups and they met someone else in the same position as them and they have been together now for 19 years !! I should mention that the family member felt exactly the same as you , as though they would never meet anyone.

You don't say if it's your health issues that prevent you from getting out and about?

You need to try and think positively so that you don't give out desperate vibes, I'm sure there'll be someone out there for you.

Good Luck.

[S10SHEFF]

Your reply is appreciated, No i am not depressed I don't get upset or get really down about it, I do feel a bit down sometimes but not very often, Every few weeks or month or so i think about it for a while and dwell on it for a while but nothing more than that, I can definitely say i am not depressed, I stay strong for my kid.

 

My health issues probably stop me from working right now, Although as my child is young and not at school or anything yet i don't have the time but don't think i could manage to work at this present moment hopefully in the future i will be able to work again.

 

I do go out and can get out and about i go to the shops a lot and occasionally go to the town centre to have a look around, I sometimes struggle a little but i am not locked in my house 24/7.

 

I agree about giving out desperate vibes i would not want to do that as i would not consider myself desperate but would just like to have some decent friends and hopefully meet someone.

 

Never considered a single parent group, I wouldn't rule it out it might actually be good for me?

 

Thanks again for your reply much appreciated whitehorses.

[Amaranthus]

Firstly, I hope you're not projecting the way you feel onto any potential partners, as that's a surefire way to either scare them off or attract the wrong type. You will meet someone, but it won't be on your time, it'll just happen one day out of the blue. In the meantime try to build some confidence and happiness in yourself so that when she comes along you'll have something to offer her.

 

Also, why don't you go to some forums meets?

[whitehorses]

Hi,

I'm glad you don't consider yourself to be depressed, that's a good start.

Obviously you can talk about your situation quite freely, so a single parent group would be great for you, not just to meet a partner, in fact you should'nt aim for that, but there will be other Dad's just like you, feeling cut off , Mum's feeling like there are only other women to talk to.You don't know who you'll meet until you get out there.It also leads to other things, like some members may belong to other groups or be involved with stuff.Just for example, one of the Mum's could work part time at a football club, and you might just happen to love football, so you'd get to go there and be introduced to a different set of people.It's like throwing a pebble in a pond and watching the ripples get bigger, if you want, you can ask at your local Gp surgery, or library for details of groups near you.It would be very good for your child to, and as he or she gets older, they would have an extra set of friends too. Sorry if I seem to be preaching, but you don't know til you try do you?

[rubydazzler]

Lot of really nice, deserving people are on their own, and are never fortunate enough to have a long term relationship, or some of them, any relationship at all. There's quite a few on here, if you read certain topics.

 

It's depressing, I know, but you really need to find other ways of enjoying your life, while you're waiting for a special someone to come along, just in case they never do. Sorry not to be more upbeat but I know a lot of great people who are single through no fault of their own. I've depressed myself now.

 

But to end on a positive note, there are also quite a few people who've met their partners on SF and are now married, and even have kids together.

[Babooshka]

DON'T despair. You are not on your own!!!! There are LOTS of people out there in similar situations.

 

I, for one, fall in to several of those categories ie single parent, with little social life! Been single for coming up to 2 years.

 

You have not been on your own for THAT long, relatively speaking. Not sure how old you are. But hang in there, and stay positive. I am sure that people on here can offer lots of good advice. Good on you for moving to be near your child. That is more than I can say for some people I know.

[S10SHEFF]

Well i've been single for a year now and to be honest i have never been single for this amount of time so it's a different experience for me.

 

I didn't move to be near my child, I moved to Sheffield to be with my then girlfriend who i later married but when we split up instead of moving back to the town i moved from to be with my now wife or ex wife i stayed in Sheffield so i could help bring up my child but i could not abandon my child just not that kind of person.

[msweatherwax]

you aren't going to be alone. it's all relative, you have loads to learn, as do I but i know more than you!!!

[Deavon]

I'll tell you my sad tale and although it won't help you... Well misery loves company!

 

My partner of 9 years just left me at Christmas. I'm now totally alone. It's an awful situation to be in having invested in a partnership. You could spend every day reviewing what you did wrong or beating yourself up for not keeping things together.

 

I've done that. It is an easy mental routine to fall into.

 

But actually, since my partner left me (by the way very unexpectedly and in no way foreseeable), I've spent so much time fighting the feeling that I failed.

 

THE FEELING OF BEING LONELY CAN BE OVERCOME BY THE FEELING OF BEING INDEPENDENT!!

 

I know that can seem like a crass and non-understanding statement but I had to say it and I know it's not easy and I know that loneliness is different to isolation... But try to find a way to be happy alone and don't let yourself believe that another woman in your life is your solution.

YOUR SOLUTION IS YOU.

Of course you want to meet someone new... But put that on the back burner and learn to live alone and independent. (believe me that will make you more attractive to the opposite sex anyway).

 

Believe in yourself and be independent and let everything else take it's own time.

 

Hope your ok. Kind regards.