drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 my sister is 1 year younger then me and growing up was tough, mum had a stroke when i was just 5 and was left permantly in a wheelchair paralised down one side, which ment we had to be grown up about it, i cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed from the age of 9 did the shopping and got myself to school on time every day, my childhood was a tough one. when i reached 17 i moved out got married, got a nice home, 2 fab boys and a great job, my sister and her 2 year old still lives with my mum and dad (my dad is also in a wheelchair) my mum continues to fone me everyday and she has always been so kind and caring. however ive noticed a change in my mum just recently, she is bitching at me all the time and making snide comments and keeping secrets from me that only my sister knows about, she will do anything for my sister and talks very highly of her and wont hear one bad word said againest her even though she thiefs money off mum and she wont do owt round the house, the other day i went to visit which i do on a daily basis, she made a snide comment and i made one back " my sister has always been your fave mum, you will do owt for her" and do you know what she said... yes because she has had a tough life and she will do anything for me! she means it aswell! it wasnt just a heat of the moment thing. im deeply hurt by this, as a mother myself i would never say anything like that to my kids. so i ask you... mothers and fathers, have you got a favorite child, a child that you think a little bit more of then the rest of your children, or has my mum seriously gone mad in her old age! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willman Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 My parents claim not to have - but they have. It's also in descending order from youngest to oldest(me being the oldest). Yes we are all treated equally, but some are more equal than others. I have no option as a parent - i had only child so she is my favourite (tbh she probably would be if i'd had more). i don't have a favourite grandchild though, or niece or nephew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
llamatron Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Im sure people do but will never admit it, you will always get on with each child differently as they will not be the same. My mum and dad both had a favourite-luckily we got one each. We may have been loved equally but not liked equally I guess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 she is doing with her grankids too which really hurts me, my eldest is 9 and my sister has 1 child at the age of 2 who also lives with my mum, jake my sisters child still cant speak a word not even mum, so i gave my sister some friendly advice i said " maybe you should speak to the health vistor the next time she calls, my son was saying sentances by that age" my mum overheard and bellowed " there is nothing wrong with jake he is perfect, i dont know how you can talk anyway because your son is a little <removed>" i dont know what to do, i love my mum but i have enough on my plate at the moment with my marriage nearly breaking down without mum making me feel useless aswell, should i just cut her out of my life for good... no wait a minute i cant do that, shes my mum, so im stuck with it, any suggestions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 Yes, and I've got a favourite dog, too. I think it's important to remember that people are different and that relationships are different. It's only natural to get on with one person more than another. I very much doubt there's any difference in the actual strength of the love, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willman Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 i dont know what to do, i love my mum but i have enough on my plate at the moment with my marriage nearly breaking down without mum making me feel useless aswell, should i just cut her out of my life for good... no wait a minute i cant do that, shes my mum, so im stuck with it, any suggestions My wife did with her family. 2 years and still no contact, and boy have they tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 My wife did with her family. 2 years and still no contact, and boy have they tried. do you mean they have tried to contact your wife after what happened, see if that happened to me im too soft where my family is concerned, i would give in i know i would, then we will be all apoligetic and hugs and kisses and lets forget all what happened blah blah, but the hurt is still there, i supose this is what happened with my eldest sister, she left home at 14 she is now 36 and hasnt talked to my mum or dad since, she hates them and they hate her... with a passion, i always wondered what happened for my big sis to do what she did, but no one would ever tell me, mum frowns upon me if i ever speak her name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 I think it's natural to go through phases of favouring one over another, but that's based on the relationship you have with them at the time. If you're in regular contact with one child more than another or have shared interests, then that relationship will develop positively, at the expense of the others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 I think it's natural to go through phases of favouring one over another, but that's based on the relationship you have with them at the time. If you're in regular contact with one child more than another or have shared interests, then that relationship will develop positively, at the expense of the others. it may be natural in one way but surely not to the extent that my mum has gone, to make it obvious to her CHILDREN that if you were both hanging off a cliff and she could only save one it wouldnt be me! where as if i was in that situation i would throw myself of the cliff with them, as im sure most mothers/fathers would think the same. maybe she is going through the menopause Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 it may be natural in one way but surely not to the extent that my mum has gone, to make it obvious to her CHILDREN that if you were both hanging off a cliff and she could only save one it wouldnt be me! where as if i was in that situation i would throw myself of the cliff with them, as im sure most mothers/fathers would think the same. maybe she is going through the menopause Sorry, I was speaking generally, drascalmel, rather than specifically. I dont know how old you are, but as I've got older I've discovered more and more that it's perfectly normal for people to have some kind of dysfunction in the relationship they have with their parents! I guess we come to see each other as we are, rather than through need or dependency, so if you're a parent with an arsey adult child or a adult with an arsey parent, you can choose how you want the relationship to develop, I'm not a great believer in blood being thicker than water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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