drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Sorry, I was speaking generally, drascalmel, rather than specifically. I dont know how old you are, but as I've got older I've discovered more and more that it's perfectly normal for people to have some kind of dysfunction in the relationship they have with their parents! I guess we come to see each other as we are, rather than through need or dependency, so if you're a parent with an arsey adult child or a adult with an arsey parent, you can choose how you want the relationship to develop, I'm not a great believer in blood being thicker than water. iam 25, growing up all i heard was " dont cause any strees to your mother or she might have another stroke and die" it scared the s**t out of me so i did what i was told, shut up and put up, maybe i should do that now and just ignore her, but the other hand life is too short and if my husband or anyone else constantly talked to me like that i would walk away and cut them out of my life, so i get what you are saying about the blood thicker then water! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 iam 25, growing up all i heard was " dont cause any strees to your mother or she might have another stroke and die" it scared the s**t out of me so i did what i was told, shut up and put up, maybe i should do that now and just ignore her, but the other hand life is too short and if my husband or anyone else constantly talked to me like that i would walk away and cut them out of my life, so i get what you are saying about the blood thicker then water! Ok, well it depends what kind of relationship you want with your parents, if it's invariably bad then perhaps there's little reason to pursue it, just because they're you're parents. I think the more interesting one though is how you get on with your other sisters? Do you still get on with the one who lives with them? If you do, maybe she could act as an interface between you and them? These things are difficult and it's easy for strangers to offer advice that they dont have to follow themselves, but it really is one for you and what you want for the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katy1981 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 im from a big family i have 7 sisters and 3 brothers, i wouldnt say my mum or dad had/has favs as such its more that my mum belives anything a certain member tells them and she wont hear a bad word said against them. stupid things like my mum wanted a land line for her house so one of my sisters said go with bt mum blah blah and i told her it was the dearest and that she should go with our provider as it was only summat like £15.00 a month and that included internet and free any time calls to local numbers and what have ya but no my mum wouldnt hear it she decided it was better too take advice from my other sister who is in debt up to her eyeballs and now she is moaning that the phone is costing her a fortune every month and i just sit there thinking ARGHHH WOMAN!! i have two children and dont have a fav i love them both the same they are both my world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katy1981 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 iam 25, growing up all i heard was " dont cause any strees to your mother or she might have another stroke and die" it scared the s**t out of me so i did what i was told, shut up and put up, maybe i should do that now and just ignore her, but the other hand life is too short and if my husband or anyone else constantly talked to me like that i would walk away and cut them out of my life, so i get what you are saying about the blood thicker then water! when my mother gets a bit gobby or develops an attitude i find that not goin round as much and not phoning or keepin the calls and visits short and to the point for a few months does the trick tbh. i think she starts to actually miss me when im not there as much and i can see her softening around the edges as she starts to be nicer each time i see her so i stay a little longer etc etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 Ok, well it depends what kind of relationship you want with your parents, if it's invariably bad then perhaps there's little reason to pursue it, just because they're you're parents. I think the more interesting one though is how you get on with your other sisters? Do you still get on with the one who lives with them? If you do, maybe she could act as an interface between you and them? These things are difficult and it's easy for strangers to offer advice that they dont have to follow themselves, but it really is one for you and what you want for the future i do have a ok relationship with my sister (the favorite one) but she gets me so angry, for instance my mums fone bill was due to be paid so she give my sister the £80 to go and pay it for her, 2 weeks later my mum gets her fone cut off for non payment! so i go to have it out with my sister and mum says no leave it it will be a error on the fone line system... then she forks out another £80 pound to get her fone back on, but oh no dont upset my sister over it just leave it, it gets me so angry, i mean if your going to have a fave child at least choose the one that does steal from you and has made a good life for themselfs! and on that note and consideration, i think im going to ignore her calls for a couple of days and not visit for a while... see what happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drascalmel Posted July 1, 2010 Author Share Posted July 1, 2010 im from a big family i have 7 sisters and 3 brothers, i wouldnt say my mum or dad had/has favs as such its more that my mum belives anything a certain member tells them and she wont hear a bad word said against them. stupid things like my mum wanted a land line for her house so one of my sisters said go with bt mum blah blah and i told her it was the dearest and that she should go with our provider as it was only summat like £15.00 a month and that included internet and free any time calls to local numbers and what have ya but no my mum wouldnt hear it she decided it was better too take advice from my other sister who is in debt up to her eyeballs and now she is moaning that the phone is costing her a fortune every month and i just sit there thinking ARGHHH WOMAN!! this is exactly what it is like, infact our family as had the exact same arguement, wiered! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katy1981 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 i mean if your going to have a fave child at least choose the one that does steal from you and has made a good life for themselfs! and on that note and consideration, i think im going to ignore her calls for a couple of days and not visit for a while... see what happens out of all my brothers and sisters i am the one that is considererd the PERFECT ONE! and yes they refer to me as such because i have a decent job and went to college and got numerous qualifications and have bought my home and spent my hard earned money on it i also have a car that isnt on finance and i dont have a mountain of debt. they call me a snob because of it my mum isnt the one that does it though allthough i do think she looks at me and thinks of the life she could have had if she had been strong enough to disobey my dad a bit more (i am the strong headed one). and my sisters, bothers and other relatives envy everything i have and resent me a little for them. i wouldnt ignore her calls just dont get involved in the financial side of things let your mum and dad belive your sister is perfect cos at the end of the day it will blow up in their faces eventually. i know you dont want to see your parents being taken advantage of but you will be fighting a battle you simply cannot win. your mum and dad wont be here forever and when they are gone i suspect your sister will be screwed! some of my sisters were my dads favs and they could do no wrong even if my mum disagreed with my dad it didnt matter what they did they were always welcome and they took full advantage of this and burnt a lot of bridges with the rest of us and when dad died last year we didnt have to pretend they were perfect anymore and guess what? they didnt like not being the centre of attention and getting away with being horrid to us and we havnt seen them since dad died:( dont ignore the calls just keep them simple short and too the point but not rude. and when anything is said about money just say oh thats unfortunate im sure it will work out things always do and then say you best get going cos (make summat up) say love you and bye then hang up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerage Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 I wouldn't worry too much in my experience it seems a normal thing that the most disfunctional kid is favoured. My sister is totally useless with money never had a propper job and also stolen money & jewellery off my mum, but my mum (and dad before he died) have both thrown money at her over the years I have always worked and paid my own way but when I recently needed to borrow a small amount off my mum you would have thought I was asking for the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katy1981 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 this is exactly what it is like, infact our family as had the exact same arguement, wiered! hmm odd! i dont think any of my relatives are on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kthebean Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 You dont have to cut off your mum completely as that is very dramatic - like katy says you can just withdraw a little emotionally. Be polite and nice to her but dont get drawn into silly arguments. If you feel yourself getting upset or angry just cut the conversation/visit short. You sound like a lovely mum yourself so put your emotional effort into that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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