One liners that make you think or smile

[L00b]

A select few (there's many more, but these are some of my faves) from Coluche, a French comedian, and one man (one of the extremely, extremely few) I would have loved to meet at least once in my life. RIP.

 

Remember the essential: capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Syndicalism is the opposite.

 

God shared (equally): He gave food to the rich and hunger to the poor.

 

Is there Life after Death? Only Jesus could answer that question. Unfortunately he's dead.

 

When you count all the gods, half-gods, quarter-gods...there's already been a few million gods since humanity began! So, people who think theirs is the only good one...

 

Some men love their wife so much, that to avoid wearing theirs off, they use those of others.

 

If stupidity was taxed, the State would be self-financing.

 

Whenever you're feeling down and depressed, remember: one day, you were the fastest spermatozoid of them all

 

Some people have kids, because they can't afford a dog.

 

God, it's like sugar in hot milk. He's everywhere and you can't see it...and the more you look for it, the less you find it.

 

People say the crisis makes the rich richer and the poor, poorer. I can't see how that's a crisis. It's been like that since I was born.

 

On the day sh*t will be worth it's weight in gold, poor people will be born without an a55.

 

Bigamy, that's when you have two wives; and monotony, that's when you have only one!

[Ms_RlS]

My grandad always says "Don't worry it won't always go dark at seven"

I still don't know what it means but it always cheers me up

[GUZZIOWL]

Whenever a Football commentator says "He's got the ball on his favourite left foot !" ..How many left feet has the player got ?

[discodown]

"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree" Spike Milligan

[weatherill]

a problem shared is one thats harved

[Rupert_Baehr]

The three T's:

 

If it's got Tits or Tyres, it'll cause you Trouble.

[Eater Sundae]

Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today's a gift, that's why they call it the present.

 

That one makes me want to throw up. It's nearly as bad as "Assume makes an ass out of u and me"

 

They're both meaningless twaddle

[danniuk2000]

I've loved reading through this thread. Such a good idea. Here's a few I thought of....

I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?

It will all come out in the wash

She's run off with a black man. (something my grandad used to say when nan wasn't home)

It's a bit black over Bill's mothers

Well i'll go to the foot of our stairs. Lol......my favourite by far!!!

I can't get my hat on

That's all I can think of for now

[Winder]

"If brains were explosives there wouldn't be enough to blow yer hat off!"

 

"If we were stuck in the corner of some foreign field with our backs against the wall I'd have to shoot you to get out alive myself."

 

"There's only 10 types of people in the world... those that understand binary and those that don't."

 

"There are two good reasons why I should be re-elected as President of the United States : One, Honesty. Two, Integrity. And three, a good head for figures..." (Ronald Reagan, alledgedly.)

[Eater Sundae]

"If brains were explosives there wouldn't be enough to blow yer hat off!"

 

"If we were stuck in the corner of some foreign field with our backs against the wall I'd have to shoot you to get out alive myself."

 

"There's only 10 types of people in the world... those that understand binary and those that don't.""There are two good reasons why I should be re-elected as President of the United States : One, Honesty. Two, Integrity. And three, a good head for figures..." (Ronald Reagan, alledgedly.)

 

Re the one I've emboldened. I like this one, it's clever. Although It is better written than spoken. A bit like an old advert...

 

"I thought Reading was a town in Berkshire, until I discovered libraries."