AtticusFinch Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 I've got two stories: 1) I was on my way to the Homelands dance festival, I think it was 2000 or 2001. I'd got the train down from Sheffield and I had just got off at Winchester station. There were plenty of clubbers there. I then realised that I needed the toilet, so I looked along the platform for one. I couldn't see any, but I noticed a queue of people and assumed that was it. The queue contained both sexes, so I assumed it was just a single unisex toilet (Winchester is only a small two-platform station). I joined the back of the queue, close to a uniformed policeman who was standing near the back of the line. I waited there for about 30 seconds, then he looked at me and said "Have you come to give yourself up mate?". I then realised that this was the queue for a small room where the police processed people who'd been caught with drugs on them! Without thinking, I said out loud "But I thought this was the queue for the toilets". The whole queue of clubbers and many others nearby all burst out laughing. 2) I was playing football with two mates in a local field, and I was in goal. Behind the net was an embankment with lots of high grass, weeds, stinging nettles etc. After a wayward shot from one of my friends, I trudged up the embankment to retrieve the ball. In a split second, the ground disappeared and I was in a hole. Concealed on the embankment were some kind of drainage shafts wide enough for someone to fit in. I'd stepped on without realising, and fell straight down the hole. Perhaps instinctively I'd put my elbows outwards so that they were resting on the shaft edges and stopping me falling further. My two friends were helpless with laughter. After being offered no help at all, I pulled myself out of the hole. As soon as I put my foot on the ground, I was back in a hole again though! There were two holes right next to each other, and I'd stepped in the second one. Because both were covered by very long grass there was no way at all of seeing them. In retrospect it was actually quite dangerous, because this was a public recreation ground where kids could play. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick3330 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I'd just had root canal surgery at the local dentist. Half an hour of sheer tugging, pulling etc. Finally, it was over. Feeling rather numb along with a face that felt 14 times bigger than actual, I was away on my toes to the tram stop. After getting on the tram, still somewhat worse for wear, I picked up on of those Metro's for my perusal. Sat opposite/facing me was a young (mid twenties) lady with legs that went right to the top. Staring over my metro in disbelief that seemed like a split second, but actually or probably years. Then I looked up, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was highly disappointed in me. I casually looked back to my paper.......Then there it was, at the bottom of the page......I'd only dribbled from my numb side, and was still dribbling. Well, that was it, I had to look up and say.....Thuth been to the denith. If you are reading this and you are that youg lady who bolted it off the tram that fine morning, please accept my sincere apology. If anyone want's to share the dance floor with me, please go ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BasilRathbon Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Fair enough, but what's your excuse for dribbling over young ladies' legs when you haven't been to the dentists? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostrider Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I think mine was when I was in a pub with friends the day before I flew out to ibiza. Was sat chatting and one of the girls went to the loo (both were upstairs) I went shortly after - on my way out I bumped into the girl. For no apparent reason she lunged at me and it was tongue down throat time Didnt realise that the pub cctv was on the big screens round the pub and EVERYONE had seen it Done worse since, but not suitable for a "family" forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chop Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Mick3330, And here's me thinking that your most embarrasing moment ever was when you were caught short on the tram on the way to work and had to dive off at Birley golf course to subsequently releive yourself , only for a woman walking her dog to come walking along the path to see you squatting in the bush's, trousers round ankles and packing up lunch box tucked under arm.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick3330 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Mick3330, And here's me thinking that your most embarrasing moment ever was when you were caught short on the tram on the way to work and had to dive off at Birley golf course to subsequently releive yourself , only for a woman walking her dog to come walking along the path to see you squatting in the bush's, trousers round ankles and packing up lunch box tucked under arm.... That was coming next sir. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostrider Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Is that known as "logging in" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chop Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Is that known as "logging in" He was bragging about it in the pub for months, the man has no shame !!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichC Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I once soiled myself at work and had to go home, after throwing my underpants in a bin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sufc_tom Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Was my dads 50th surprise birthday party couple month back and a longtime friend and his family came up. His son is my age so we got chatting when he first came until he asked me where the toilet was. I having had a couple of jars by this time, pointed it out by directing "Over there...by the side of that big fat munter" only for him to reply in disgust "What, my Aunty?" and he stormed off. Luckily, he took it funny but did make me sweat for his reaction! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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