Cheap burials or cremations.

[stonewaller]

Actually you do need to add about another £100 for a cardboard coffin on - a crematorium won't accept the body without. And if your car isn't big enough to fit said coffin, van hire.

 

It gets worse! Maybe I shall just have to prop her up in her chair and not tell anyone that she is dead.

[stonewaller]

I'm afraid that's also illegal - failing to report a death and also under the Public Health Act.

 

YES. But since I cannot pronounce her dead by law then I cannot be responsible for not knowing. I will just say that I thought that she was kidding!

[Twiglet]

YES. But since I cannot pronounce her dead by law then I cannot be responsible for not knowing. I will just say that I thought that she was kidding!

 

I think you need to start stocking up with Febreze

[katy1981]

is the op actually being serious?

[practitioner]

hypothetically speaking if your just burn the body in your garden, who is likely to question him?

 

these days the councils dont want to prosecute criminals because it wastes tax payers money, to me it sounds like the euthanasia no clear rules and unlikely to be prosecuted.

 

who are you to this person who is about to die? is there any laws that say the family has to take care of the funeral/creamation?

lets say she dies in the hospital and you just choose to ignore their phone calls or she dies at home and you call a ambulance and take no further part?

[Tony]

Actually you do need to add about another £100 for a cardboard coffin on - a crematorium won't accept the body without. And if your car isn't big enough to fit said coffin, van hire.

 

 

Burial at sea is cheap, no coffin needed and no ecological worries either. An hours fishing trip from Brid' can be had for £25.

 

If you really are struggling with the cost you can take a night fishing trip to the lake in Crookes Valley Park, pop kiddies armbands on the loved one, push them off into the middle then pop the armbands with an air rifle or Jockey Wilson Darts set as you give the eulogy.

[stonewaller]

Burial at sea is cheap, no coffin needed and no ecological worries either. An hours fishing trip from Brid' can be had for £25.

 

If you really are struggling with the cost you can take a night fishing trip to the lake in Crookes Valley Park, pop kiddies armbands on the loved one, push them off into the middle then pop the armbands with an air rifle or Jockey Wilson Darts set as you give the eulogy.

 

Now you are being flippant!

[Twiglet]

hypothetically speaking if your just burn the body in your garden, who is likely to question him?

 

these days the councils dont want to prosecute criminals because it wastes tax payers money, to me it sounds like the euthanasia no clear rules and unlikely to be prosecuted.

 

who are you to this person who is about to die? is there any laws that say the family has to take care of the funeral/creamation?

lets say she dies in the hospital and you just choose to ignore their phone calls or she dies at home and you call a ambulance and take no further part?

 

Actually very likely to be prosecuted. There have been a number of people prosecuted in the last year for attempting to 'conceal deaths' or breaking various other laws because they've caused lengthy police investigations because bodies have been irresponsibly disposed of and there was potential that they'd been unlawfully killed.

 

As I mentioned previously, unfortunately family are held responsible for funeral costs, the government will not provide help or pay unless they meet the criteria I posted earlier.

[Tony]

Too tight for a set of kiddies armbands? Sky burials are popular in places where the ground is so hard that you can't dig a hole.

 

If the family member happens to die in such a hard ground place - say Asda car park - then you can take part in this moving ceremony where their body is returned to nature.

 

First you'll have to split the abdomen using a suitable tool - Asda sell pizza wheels that are ideal.

 

Once the innards are exposed you should tie the body to a small platform raised above the ground. Again Asda come to the rescue because their shopping trolley design is just the right size and height and handily allows you to wheel the recently expired from the car to the sky burial site.

 

Buy a French stick (89p) and break it in half. Use one half to chock the trolley and enjoy the other half as a tasty snack as you watch the local vultures magpies devour your beloveds flesh and organs, returning them back to natures bosom.

 

When the crows have had their fill and you have finished your lunch you need to finish off by smashing the skull open so the vultures magpies can finish off the brain and cortex then grind up the remaining bones and add water and seasoning to make a paste that goes well with thin toast and a sparkling Prosecco.

 

Total cost, 89p including lunch and a snack to take home.

[stonewaller]

Too tight for a set of kiddies armbands? Sky burials are popular in places where the ground is so hard that you can't dig a hole.

 

If the family member happens to die in such a hard ground place - say Asda car park - then you can take part in this moving ceremony where their body is returned to nature.

 

First you'll have to split the abdomen using a suitable tool - Asda sell pizza wheels that are ideal.

 

Once the innards are exposed you should tie the body to a small platform raised above the ground. Again Asda come to the rescue because their shopping trolley design is just the right size and height and handily allows you to wheel the recently expired from the car to the sky burial site.

 

Buy a French stick (89p) and break it in half. Use one half to chock the trolley and enjoy the other half as a tasty snack as you watch the local vultures magpies devour your beloveds flesh and organs, returning them back to natures bosom.

 

When the crows have had their fill and you have finished your lunch you need to finish off by smashing the skull open so the vultures magpies can finish off the brain and cortex then grind up the remaining bones and add water and seasoning to make a paste that goes well with thin toast and a sparkling Prosecco.

 

Total cost, 89p including lunch and a snack to take home.

 

 

If you made that lot up you are weird. If you googled it your even more weird!