Lying to kids about heaven.. why insult their intelligence? ?

[Eater Sundae]

Although I happily use phrases like "tooth fairy" and "father christmas" when speaking to my 5 year old daughter (because there'll be no problem for her when she later understands who actually plays those parts), I respond to any question regarding heaven with "Some people believe..."

 

Edit. But when she asks about death, I talk in terms of it being final, and being buried or cremated.

[danot]

Although I happily use phrases like "tooth fairy" and "father christmas" when speaking to my 5 year old daughter (because there'll be no problem for her when she later understands who actually plays those parts), I respond to any question regarding heaven with "Some people believe..."

 

Edit. But when she asks about death, I talk in terms of it being final, and being buried or cremated.

How does your daughter react to hearing that?.. is she ok with it?

[Eater Sundae]

How does your daughter react to hearing that?.. is she ok with it?

 

So far, no problems. Like most kids (I think) she sometimes asks what seem to be random questions, sometimes about people dying. So far her questions have been "matter of fact" questions - I don't know if they are matters that she is thinking deeply about - but probably not. She's not experienced anyone close dying in real life, and so probably doesn't really understand it. She does know that my parents are dead (she has never known them), whereas my wife's parents are still alive, so she is conscious of there being a difference, ie she never meets the dead ones - so on that basis I assume that she might know that death is pretty permanent.

 

While ever she is happy to take my answers at face value and doesn't get upset, I'll carry on as I am doing, ie simple straight forward answers to what I believe to be simple straight forward questions. If she ever gets confused or upset I will try to comfort her and give her more details, but I think (and hope) that I'll explain it in the same way, and on the lines of "death happens to us all, but hopefully not for a long time yet. It is final, and that will be/is upsetting when it does happen. Those people who you love and love you will carry on looking after you"

 

I am (comparatively) old, as a father of a young child, so this issue is of concern to me, as I'm more likely to die whilst she is younger than most - although of course anyone can lose their parent at any age. She knows I'm old(er), and that at some point I will die. I've explained that it is not likely to happen until she is grown up and able to look after herself.

 

As I see it, some kids suffer bereavement when they are still young, and just have to get on with it. All we can do is to try and make them feel secure and loved whatever else life throws at them. I don't believe in the idea of heaven (and hell), so don't see the point of offering this up as a means of comforting children. I think it's better to try to make her feel as secure as possible within this world.

[Vague_Boy]

Why lie to our children about going to heaven when we die?.

 

The indoctrination received in religious schools is far more reprehensible.

 

It's no coincidence that the phrase "give me the child for seven years and I will give you the man" was coined by the Jesuits.

[*_ash_*]

This is an easy one to post to. I can copy and paste a paragraph from one of my writings ... (granted, it would make more sense if I posted the previous bit, but it's too long )

 

It was mentioned in an earlier paragraph about the intimacy of a relationship with a creature. 'The cat and wasp', was suggesting that individually the wasp doesn’t matter, and because someone’s relationship with the cat was a close one, then the cat goes to a 'nice place'. This ‘nice place’ can come in useful, for using as an explanation when someone hasn’t got the mental capacity (or perceived to not have the mental capacity, whether correctly or incorrectly) to understand why someone/thing has vanished. For example, if the cat owner had a child who they considered wouldn’t understand death, or what has happened to the cat after death, then the parent could then use previously taught explanations as a sort of comfort, places such as; heaven; up in the sky; a better place. This is the comfort aspect mentioned in the title of the theory. When used as a technique for protecting the vulnerability of an undeveloped mind, it could be considered acceptable, however, I think unnecessary, unless these concepts are not fully understood by the parent.

[artisan]

But would you ever tell your son that he'll see you in heaven?

 

Of course we will all be together one day.

Why tell lies about death being final.

It is merely a transitional stage between one section of infinity and another.

Dont think you get away with it as easily as dying, you have a long road to travel yet.

[Karis]

Of course we will all be together one day.

Why tell lies about death being final.

It is merely a transitional stage between one section of infinity and another.

Dont think you get away with it as easily as dying, you have a long road to travel yet.

 

This is a joke, right?

[artisan]

This is a joke, right?

 

No, do you think something else happens?

[Karis]

I think, as you can't prove it, telling your kids you go to Heaven is at best another control tactic. It's imposing your religious beliefs on them.

 

And, let's face it, it's *REALLY* unlikely that we're going to be reborn in spirit when we die, along with our favourite pets and - potentially multiple wives!

[danot]

So far, no problems. Like most kids (I think) she sometimes asks what seem to be random questions, sometimes about people dying. So far her questions have been "matter of fact" questions - I don't know if they are matters that she is thinking deeply about - but probably not. She's not experienced anyone close dying in real life, and so probably doesn't really understand it. She does know that my parents are dead (she has never known them), whereas my wife's parents are still alive, so she is conscious of there being a difference, ie she never meets the dead ones - so on that basis I assume that she might know that death is pretty permanent.

 

While ever she is happy to take my answers at face value and doesn't get upset, I'll carry on as I am doing, ie simple straight forward answers to what I believe to be simple straight forward questions. If she ever gets confused or upset I will try to comfort her and give her more details, but I think (and hope) that I'll explain it in the same way, and on the lines of "death happens to us all, but hopefully not for a long time yet. It is final, and that will be/is upsetting when it does happen. Those people who you love and love you will carry on looking after you"

 

I am (comparatively) old, as a father of a young child, so this issue is of concern to me, as I'm more likely to die whilst she is younger than most - although of course anyone can lose their parent at any age. She knows I'm old(er), and that at some point I will die. I've explained that it is not likely to happen until she is grown up and able to look after herself.

 

As I see it, some kids suffer bereavement when they are still young, and just have to get on with it. All we can do is to try and make them feel secure and loved whatever else life throws at them. I don't believe in the idea of heaven (and hell), so don't see the point of offering this up as a means of comforting children. I think it's better to try to make her feel as secure as possible within this world.

You and I both, I couldn't agree more, everything you've written applies to how I approach the issue with my youngest.