Hello Everybody!

[Repunzel]

Hi, I'm new here and just been having a look round. I'm Sara, 57, and I've been pottering about writing bits and pieces over the last 5 years...a few silly poems, scenes of things, and have just completed my first novel. But as I can't seem to get friends and family to look it over for me, I am hoping someone here might! Have uploaded a short 5 minute play entitled,

 

 

Table Manners

 

Please feel free to pick it to pieces

 

God, this is scary!

 

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1280188987.doc

[scribe]

Hi,Repunzel.I don't come on here very often but i have read your piece and i thought it was quiet good.I never ask my family to read anything i write as they are typically bias

so you never get a true comment regarding your work,i don't know if it's the norm with scripts to place expressions next to dialog i personally think if the writings good enough the reader will get the gist of what's going on with each character.You say you have finished a novel that's quiet an accomplishment do you have a publisher/agent perhaps you should share your experiences with the group.Regards Scribe

[Repunzel]

Hello Scribe!

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my little piece and for your comments. I was beginning to think no one was going to respond. It does seem, from looking at other posts, that people seem reluctant to offer their views. I am guilty of this too, but I suppose it's because I don't feel 'qualified' to offer criticism

 

As for placing expressions next to dialogue, I have no idea either. But I believe you're supposed to give a certain amount of direction. To be honest, I'm not too bothered about that just yet...that's the sort of thing I can learn as I'm going along. My idea was to write four shorts, all sitting around that same dining table but with different characters ie. four little old ladies and definitely four queens! But, alas, I have all these idea's and nothing ever gets done! Is anyone else like this?

 

I have managed to complete my first novel though and, no, I don't intend doing anything with it. It was just practice, and from writing and rewriting umpteen times I think I have learned a lot just by doing it. The first draft was awful...nay, cringeworthy! But I think I've got it fairly readable now. Am now in the process of trying to finish a short story.

 

What sort of things do you write about?

 

Regards Sara

[coyleys]

Hi ya Sara and welcome to the group.

I quite enjoyed your little script, it seemed to have a steady flow to it. I have never written a script and so I’m no authority, but you have my thumbs up.

You keep on writing, I would like to read some more of your work. Don’t be disheartened by the lack of comments, we do tend to be a bit slow in that respect. But I suppose 69 views to 2 comments is not bad compared to my last submission, 593 views to 2 comments, probably a record.

Anyway, nice one Sara.

[Repunzel]

Coyleys,

 

Thanks for the welcome And also the positive comments.

Yes, it is a little disheartening not getting much feedback, but I've made a start with two comments, so that's something. I suppose it's because i've been writing on and off for the last 5 years with no one to look it over. I've been happy with that, as I considered I was just learning my craft. But it's time now to put some feelers out and try and find out if I'm promising or whether I should give it up altogether and take up basket weaving.

[coyleys]

whether I should give it up altogether and take up basket weaving.

 

Nothing up with basket weaving, I had an Aunt who was a dab-hand at it – probably one of the perks of her long holiday at Broadmoor.

[Ron Blanco]

Hello Repunzel,

 

I must concur with Scribe and Coyleys and confess that I quite enjoyed it too.

 

I also think it has potential to be improved. I wondered if the characters could be worked on and made more distinctive, but without losing the realism which I think you've captured well. I also wondered whether more frisson might result if Chris and Sara were still married? In that case Peter moving in on Sara would have caused my eyebrows to raise even higher.

 

Very interesting stuff, thanks for posting it.

[Repunzel]

Ah thanks, guys, for your comments. Very encouraging...just what I needed. Maybe at some point I will have another look and try and improve it. Never happy with my work...I wonder if anyone ever is?

[maidinsheff]

Hi Repunzel

 

I enjoyed reading your script and it flowed very well. What I didn’t get was any feel for the different characters as they all seemed to be very similar. There are rules about the correct layout for scripts and these are different for plays, film and radio scripts. For plays, the recommendations are:

 

Put a cast list at the start of the play and include essential information for each character, eg

SARA – Middle-aged housewife. Mother of two young children

CHRIS – Sara’s ex-husband. Male chauvinist nearing the big four ‘O’

Use 12 point type and a clear font (eg Times New Roman)

Give clear scene headings and numbers (if used) in bold type or underlined with concise details of setting and time, eg

SCENE 1 ACT 1

Late afternoon - four adults seated around dining table. Sun can be seen shining through open door and windows. Noise of children playing in garden beyond

Use single-line spacing with continuous sections of dialogue and stage directions

Leave a clear space between speaker’s name and dialogue. Speaker’s name should be in capitals followed by a colon.

MAN: What do you think you are doing?

BOY: Minding me own business.

Dialogue should not appear under the speaker’s name but in a separate column

Put shorter stage directions in brackets within the dialogue, you don’t need to start these with a capital letter or have end punctuation.

 

You shouldn’t overdo the stage directions as the Director and actors would want to be able to use their own imagination. Also you need to use stage directions for when people move off or around the stage: SL – stage left (ie actor’s left when facing the audience, SR – stage right, DS – downstage (to the front of the stage) etc so

(SARA exits SL) and not ‘Sara exits room and dinner getting cold’ – the ‘dinner getting cold’ is irrelevant.

 

The physical appearance of a script is important and if it isn’t laid out correctly then it will probably not be considered worth reading. Agents are horribly pedantic people. They are only interested in making money and not in nurturing talent. Believe me – been there done that and have the scars to prove it!

 

Like everyone else I find it difficult to criticise other people’s work. I am always worried about offending other writers. I hope the above helps. There is lots of stuff on the internet about script writing – trouble is most of it is confusing and contradictory. It may be worthwhile buying scripts for plays and looking at their layout.

[Repunzel]

Hi Maid,

 

Thanks for that - very useful information.

I am nowhere near ready enough to be sending stuff out just yet (if ever I do) don't really do it for the money, although that would be really nice.

I have just been pottering about, writing scenes of things and now struggling with a short story, but my biggest, wildest dream would be to eventually have a play put on the telly. I have an idea for a script...it's called 'Four men in Frocks' which I did start writing out in story form, but been distracted doing other things. But somewhere down the line, I will hopefully be sending something off to the BBC, and that's when a script would need to be presentable and set out correctly. So, thank you once again for that info. Very useful indeed!

Sara