chimay Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 jonous101 I don't know if this is still true but it is possible that you will have to be married for 2 years before you can start the long adoption process (to prove you have a stable marriage). Even after that the adoption process itself may take 2 or more years. Also there is a shortage of babies/toddlers available for adoption and prospective adoptive parents may be steered towards older children and even adopting siblings. I heard a news report recently which said that there is now a high proportion of adoptions which break down as so many adopted children have problems caused by their chaotic pre-adoption life (drug addict parents/parents with mental health issues). If any of you decide to go down that route I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoop Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 The adoption process takes a very, very long time. And whats very important to bear in mind is that most children available for adoption these days will come with alot of emotional baggage and are probably in that position as they have been abused or neglected. Many adopted children have some degree of contact with their birth family, and even if they dont, when they are adults and seek out their birth family, you will find yourself entangled with the ****s who couldn't look after their children properly in the first place. I was very seriously considering adopting. If it had just been me I would have gone for it - but I had to consider what I would be subjecting my son to, and decided it wasn't for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ukstudent Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Also there is a shortage of babies/toddlers available for adoption and prospective adoptive parents may be steered towards older children and even adopting siblings. Thanks for mentioning that, I had forgot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clockley Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 My wife and I are considering it. We already have a little boy (from my wifes previous marriage), and are having issues conceiving. We don't see it as a consolation option however. Since getting together, our plan was to have loads of kids, and to adopt / foster as well. We would prefer a baby / small child as we feel that there would be less integration issues, but ultimately being able to offer someone a loving home is enough for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finoni9 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 jonous101 I don't know if this is still true but it is possible that you will have to be married for 2 years before you can start the long adoption process (to prove you have a stable marriage). Even after that the adoption process itself may take 2 or more years. Also there is a shortage of babies/toddlers available for adoption and prospective adoptive parents may be steered towards older children and even adopting siblings. I heard a news report recently which said that there is now a high proportion of adoptions which break down as so many adopted children have problems caused by their chaotic pre-adoption life (drug addict parents/parents with mental health issues). If any of you decide to go down that route I wish you the best. Hi Chimay - I think it would depend how long you have been together before you get married whether they would waive the 2 yr rule (I would think but 100% sure). You're right there is a shortage of babies - even if the child is removed at birth it can take up to a year or more to go through the court proceedings to get the baby freed for adoption (I think that's disgusting!!) As you said there are quite a lot of adoptions that break down - many of these children, even placed when very little have "attachment issues" and other issues due to early neglect/trauma (and may be affected if mum drank alcohol during pregnancy) - however there are a lot of adoptions that work wonderfully - but it's not easy so I always urge people to go into it with their eyes wide open. I just got a new book this morning and it has a short bit where a little adopted boy is shouting "I hate you" to his adopted parents and they keep saying back "we love you" - which you think would be the right response but inside the little boy is saying - "why do these people not understand the fear I am feeling inside and how unlovable I feel" - made me very sad - but that's how it is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finoni9 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 My wife and I are considering it. We already have a little boy (from my wifes previous marriage), and are having issues conceiving. We don't see it as a consolation option however. Since getting together, our plan was to have loads of kids, and to adopt / foster as well. We would prefer a baby / small child as we feel that there would be less integration issues, but ultimately being able to offer someone a loving home is enough for us. Clockley - that's great that you are thinking about fostering/adoption! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finoni9 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 The Americans have a much better set up where a high percentage of foster carers are approved as foster/adopt - so they foster the child when the child first comes into care and if the child is freed for adoption then the foster carer will adopt them - this means many less moves for the child - they do do this here but not as often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 A good friend of mine is about to adopt a little boy, age 2 1/2. He was taken from his mother, and placed with a foster family, when he was four days old. Apparantly, his older sister is also adopted, and if the woman in question were to have any more children, they would be immediately removed from her care (or lack thereof). My friend is very excited, but, due to the fact that this little boy knows only his foster family as mum, and dad, and has never been ill-treated, and has no knowledge of his birth mum, she is scared about the effect that removing him from a happy, and loving home might have on him. Has anyone experienced this particular scenario? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 A good friend of mine is about to adopt a little boy, age 2 1/2. He was taken from his mother, and placed with a foster family, when he was four days old. Apparantly, his older sister is also adopted, and if the woman in question were to have any more children, they would be immediately removed from her care (or lack thereof). My friend is very excited, but, due to the fact that this little boy knows only his foster family as mum, and dad, and has never been ill-treated, and has no knowledge of his birth mum, she is scared about the effect that removing him from a happy, and loving home might have on him. Has anyone experienced this particular scenario? That would be a big wrench for the child. I can only assume the foster parents are in agreement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 Yes, they are. I was shocked when I heard, but, I believe that she (my friend) gets her 'son' in October. I can not imagine how that one is going to work out! I can not believe that the authorities have left him that long in a foster home...at that age. I think it is going to be very hard for all concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.